August 2009

[Honeylioness]

Sharing the Simple Lifestyle - 07/31/09 10:44 PM


SlowbutSure, you can count on it. This is the most amazing group of ladies you have ever met in your life. The mutual respect and genuine affection you'll find here has had this effect on us collectively:

1. Hearts have mended

2. Spirits have been uplifted

3. Dreams have been supported

4. Accomplishments have been celebrated

5. Challenges have been set and met

6. Hope has been given wings

7. Good times and fun have been abundant

8. Careers have been launched

9. Trials have been shared

10. Faith has been restored

11. Loss has been made whole

12. Laughter has replaced tears

13. Babies have been born

14. Marriages have been strengthened

15. Courage has bloomed

16 Friendship has blossomed

17. Compassion has softened sorrow

18. Wisdom has grown

19. Shared experience has built bridges

20. Problems have been given perspective


To old friends and new friends

[Honeylioness]

Honeylioness - 08/03/09 12:56 PM


Freakin' *(^^&%*^( .... I leave you ladies alone for one weekend and you post 203 messages???

Final Update: 12 CSD - I think

In a perverse way I am glad to see that I was not the only one for whom July was a wash out. Oh well - onwards and upwards for August.

I finally made it into the fields for the FIRST time this year!!! I have NEVER had a first day so late - but with the non-traditional weather we have been having the crops have not really come into their own until now. But holey-moley was it oppressive - after just an hour in the raspberry field I had that lovely stream of water running down my vertebra to pool in the small of my back ... UGH. That crop is still rather weak as we need more heat and sun to really ripen the fruit.

The blueberries on the other hand were just insane!! Within an hour, and only moving about six feet down a row, I collected just over 7 pounds of huge sweet blueberries. I need to go back for more, but I had to admit defeat in face of the sun and humidity levels for the day.

Ang and other newcomers - Welcome!! I saw where someone said they had "lurked" for a while and was nervous about posting since we all seemed to know each other so well. I was once a "lurker" and suffered my own angst about jumping in also. However you will find we have less "drama" or "drama-queens" on this thread than on other boards you might have used in the past. We will hand out "tough love" when it is warranted but no-one is here for the sole purpose of doing more than providing whatever support you need for various issues. Work, friends, relationships ... they can all lead us into unhealthy spending habits. It just takes an outside view at times to help us see that.

teh mom - I hear you about the "stripe" - though mine is looking as though it wants to be more Bonnie Raitt than Peppe-le-Peu. Have been debating covering it - but perhaps I just EARNED those suckers and should let them be.

Sharing - Amen Sister!!! both for the wonderful list and for agreeing with me that nothing made with raspberries is EVER "bad"!!!

jillbean - Good luck with your goal of not smoking ... perhaps once you've done it you can help me

Facebook - hmmmm, confession time. I have never been on Facebook, have never even visited the site and at this time have no plans to do so. Now.... let the techno shunning begin!!!!

Diets and Portions - Another tip that I am trying to get myself back into the habit of is how I serve up my dinner so I eat more veggies etc. When you are plating your food mentally divide the plate into fourths. One half of the plate should be veggies (beans, salad etc), then a fourth for a carbohydrate and a fourth for a protein. I found that kept me feeling full and cut down on the higher calorie foods.

lumberlady - WAY TO GO on that year milestone!!!!!

azmom - Keeping in mind I was a rather precocious child, if I remember correctly I had read the following by the time I was 12:

* Little Women series
* Little House on the Prairie series
* At least half of the Anne of Green Gable's books
* Rebbecca of Sunnybrook Farm
* Was working by way through the Jalna series by Mazo de La Roche
* Had discovered Nancy Drew
* Read Golden Hawk by Frank Yerby (so NOT a kid's book)
* My mother's old copies of the Bobsey Twins
* Pippy Longstocking
* Mary Poppins
* Heidi
* Treasure Island
* Swiss Family Robinson
* thingy Worthington
* The Five Little Peppers and How They Grew
* Dr. Doolittle
* The Wizard of Oz
* The Narnia books
* Charlotte's Web


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Honeylioness - 08/04/09 10:26 AM

moneysquirrel - I actually think Yerby is one of the more under appreciated novelists of the 20th century. I found his weaving of story lines with factual historic events and realities almost seamless - so that you learned something while thinking you were only reading a novel.

azmom - One of the greatest things I got from my parents and grandparents was a love of reading. Whether a slow Sunday afternoon at Papa's house, or even at our summer camp in N.H. I can recall quiet times where all the adults would be settled into a chair, or outside with their backs against a tree - reading. It seemed the most natural thing in the world for us kids to do the same.

They led by example, never telling us we HAD to - but by doing it themselves for the sheer enjoyment of it and then having discussions over dinner about politics or current events etc. Not to say those "talks" didn't get heated, but they taught me it was okay to be smart, and question, and think for yourself.

Sharing - LOL ... I just KNEW the Jalna series would grab your attention (seeing that the author was from Ontaria and the series is set in 19th century Canada). Actually, my mother had read them as a girl so I was introduced to them through her.

SES - Hmmmmm ... I think "someone" needs a little pep talk from a thread covered Lioness.

Facebook part deux - Please understand that I am in no way denigrating or "bashing" anyone here who uses this site. I think I am just too old to start re-connecting with people from high school - never mind grammar school. Aside from that, my family moved every two or three years so I am not sure anyone would even remember who I was. My brother recently suggested I join some Classmates site - but why??? Frankly I didn't really like, or get along, with most of the people I went to school with. At my 10 year reunion I saw that almost none of them had changed for the better - so why would I suddenly want to talk to them now???

Sharing: who needs a guy to have to coddle like a four minute egg when a girl just wants to travel and have fun!

ROFLMAO OMG!!! Ouch Ouch Ouch!!! Snorting coffee out your nose is NOT fun.

R2B2 - On behalf of asthmatics everywhere - thank you for keeping your calm. I have not had an attack that bad for a long time. Actually have been lucky to not have needed a nebulizer for over five years.



****************************************


Okay - and now for a non-new bit of humor to get you smiling.


Never Argue with a Smart Woman


One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'

'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'For reading a book,,' she replies.

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again.

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with Sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.







MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

[Honeylioness]

Honeylioness - 08/04/09 01:43 PM


Okay - even though I do not have children at the moment (since in this case my darling cats do not count ) I am going to toss in my two cents about what Irish and Azmom said.

When I read Irish's initial comment about "stupid people" and children I think I had the same reaction as nitza.

Right or wrong, my perception is that there are many many couples who are emotionally grounded, mentally and financially stable, solid, hard-working, educated and loving people - and they seem to be the ones most disproportionately unable to either conceive or adopt. While at the other end of the spectrum are the under educated, working the welfare system, emotionally immature people who either are too lazy or too conceited to use birth control, thus they seem to conceive once a year.

I am sad to say that my perception has not been aided by the people in my neighborhood. A wonderful couple on the other side of the complex have been trying for two years to conceive. While the alcoholic nightmare in Unit 17 gets housing assistance, food stamps, free medical and pops out a baby by her drug dealing live-in almost every year. She has ZERO parenting skills, never mind any functional social or work skills - which are evident by how her children speak and behave. It's very very sad. However when I deal with the kids, if you keep a calm authoritative voice and are consistent with what you say they are very well behaved - because they know I am not playing around. I will indeed box their ears if I catch them tromping through my garden again, I have put the fear of the Lioness into all of them at one time or another. But now I will occasionally hear them outside telling their friends to leave my garden alone.

I do get to feeling discouraged by these scenarios. And as I get older I can feel myself getting more and more radical. If you are chronically on welfare - NOT because of a lay off or for a half-year during difficult times like now - but one of the millions for whom the SS check is referred to as their "paycheck", those who are physically able to work but know how to work the system so they don't have to .... why not change the welfare "mind-set"?

What about a cash incentive to get your tubes tied after baby number 3 .. or 4? Or get a vasectomy after you have irresponsibly become a "baby daddy" to yet another different girl. If I was going to be a facist I would suggest NO additional benefits paid for any children after the first two. THAT would force women to stand up for themselves when some low-life worm tries to sweet talk his way out of wearing a raincoat! No glove no love hunny.

Set a limit on how long you can be on public assistance (exemptions made for the chronically sick or handicapped who are unable to work). And during that time you MUST attend classes/training to finish your GED, learn a skill, learn a trade and get a job. If after the time limit (3? 4? years?) you have shown no inclination to "get with the program" so to speak, and there is no physical reason why you haven't - then too bad, how sad - get out.

Safety nets are fine. I have no problem with them to help those who have paid into the system to receive benefits from that system in times of need. And I do recognize that a blue collar working family whose son is tragically made a quadriplegic after a car accident most likely does not have the financial means to independently care for him without government aide - but again, those are not the section of the population I have issues with.

Safety Net does not equal Permanent Residence. Remember the acrobats at the circus? They would drop off of their trapezes ... bounce a couple of times, then get their feet underneath them. They may not have walked all that steadily to the edge but they always exited with a flip and some flair - then stood with a big smile on their own two feet - arms extended in triumph in the air. Wouldn't THAT be a better model of public assistance than those who try to set up a Barcalounger and a flat screen television in the net. They will be soon be wondering just why the thing collapsed underneath them.


3catslady - 08/04/09 02:19 PM

Honey I agree 100%. If you need the system, it is there for you. If you are just too lazy to get a job or stop having kids, then get out of the system. I hate it when I see people buying steak or seafood and paying for it with fs and then behind them comes this little old lady with dented cans or day old bread or whatever and paying for it with the change she dug out of the bottom of her bag or coat pocket.


Irishpebbles - 08/04/09 02:42 PM

Honey: you put it how i could not... thanks

3cats: That is one of the things I find difficult we have many "seniors" in my area and it hurts me to see them struggle. I do the best I can with my Grandparents. I buy them dinner and groceries every time I go up to visit. I actually "forget" mine and then I tell them to just eat it so it doesn't go bad because it'll be 2 weeks before I see them again. They won't take charity and Grams still works but Gramps is wore out from manual labor and the money isn't there like it use to be. They raised me, now it's my turn to take care of them.


jillbean_1978 - 08/04/09 03:49 PM

Welfare- Well I don't think I can have a say about it right now because we are on it. Hopefully we will be off of it soon though. Maybe sooner if Dh does well with the test on the 10th!! We'll be able to get off of fs and have health insurance after 60-90 days! However, I do know of 3 different familes who do recieve fs and have no desire to find jobs to get them off of them. They think they deserve to get them because they can. One family even went as far as quitting work and moving to a different state to get them back. I hope and pray that I will not be like that.

As far as food goes though, we still buy the same stuff we use to buy. Roast, ground turkey, hot dogs. We will buy minute steaks, also known as poor man steaks. LOL I hope that it doesn't offend anyone here or when I shop. I will buy the off brand on lots of things. Some items you just can't get the off brand of though. LOL But like I said, on the 10th Dh takes a test to work for a very large well known company. If he passes that one he takes another. If he passes the 2nd test, he then gets an interview. Sigh. And getting this job would mean no more welfare for us!!!! I am thankful for the help they are giving us right now. But would feel better if we could do it alone. Does any of that make sense?


Honeylioness - 08/04/09 03:54 PM

jillbean - I do hope you know that my previous "rant" about the abuses to the welfare system that I see were not, and in no way are, aimed at your situation.

Your husband is willing to work, eager to get a job - too many people would not even consider fast food in the interim because it was "beneath" them. To me, the "system" is there for families like yours. Who lose their jobs and are faced with the consequences of (in my opinion) sleezy ex-employers who lined their own pockets while Scr3wing the workers.

Best of luck to your husband on the upcoming tests!!!


jillbean_1978 - 08/04/09 04:10 PM

Honey- I know you're not talking about us. LOL I just wanted to let you know that you're right about people who use the system and don't look to better their self. I do have to admit though, sometimes I wish I could just be ok with barely making it. But I know we'll never settle for that!!! We miss eating out once in a while and being able to buy gifts for bday's, Christmas and just because! Working at Wendy's means that is NOT gonna happen.


SES_Books - 08/04/09 05:06 PM

Jill-- don't for a minute feel bad about the fs or insurance. Your family is a prime example of who the system was designed to help, in a temporary situation. Now if you are in the same situation ten years from now and eight more kids--we need to have a chat.

I agree with all that Honey had to say. There is one area I want to see changed, though. I want certified quality daycare for all recipients of assistance. Once a child is two years old it should be mandatory, no excuse to cop out of training or work. This will allow mothers (and fathers) to get or complete training or education and while entering the work force at low wages. This assistance (day care) should be available until the child reaches school age, maybe even after school care. Not only will it assist the parents but perhaps aid in the early education of many children who are getting nothing. I also am a big fan of on site daycare of all businesses over maybe 25 employees. If not on site, a voucher for a good quality approved center.


calsfan - 08/04/09 07:58 PM

SES_Books---I totally agree with you about child care for kids while the parents work. In fact, I’d like to see that become most of the support, if not all. I think that would be a better incentive to not be on welfare. I think there are plenty of jobs out there (although maybe not the jobs they want) for chronic welfare recipients. I think they just need to have no choice in the matter. They work, they get free daycare. I still believe in a “safety net” concept for those who can’t work, but there needs to be a time limit.

I wonder though, with the advent of the internet, I think a lot of people who couldn’t do traditional hard labor or other work could now do a job on the internet. I think people need to think “outside the box” a little more when it comes to work.


Sharing the Simple Lifestyle - 08/04/09 11:06 PM

Honey[/b], Agreed...the great cosmic joke but oh, so not funny...the best parents struggle with fertility, issues of worthiness, and the "rabbits" populate with impunity.


Honeylioness - 08/05/09 09:36 AM

SES -[/b] Thank you for fleshing out what I forgot to add. The daycare component. In my mind I knew that removing the distraction of childcare from the equation would enable people to indeed spend time on education and training was a key link in the chain - however my fingers forgot to move that idea from gray matter to keyboard.

calsfan - Bravo on the idea also about non "traditional" work and using the internet for more than entertainment.

Honey, Agreed...the great cosmic joke but oh, so not funny...the best parents struggle with fertility, issues of worthiness, and the "rabbits" populate with impunity.

Sharing - your Daughter being the exception of course, since from what you have shared she has extraordinary reproductive abilities

[Honeylioness]

MittenKitten
Message #379
08/05/09 11:13 AM


Question of the Week (QOTW) What is your favorite saving money technique or strategy? (Or paying off debt)

Challenge of the Week (COTW): Do one thing for 30 days that will either save you money and/or be good for the environment. (then it will be a habit LOL)

[Honeylioness]

3catslady - 08/04/09 09:48 PM

ETA; at least you don't call me stu.pid and tell me I won't amount to anything


Red2Black2011 - 08/04/09 10:14 PM

3Cats: Hugs to you for loosing your shyness. YOU are loved and please feel free to speak your mind at all times. You will never hear any of us call you st*p*d (one of the most destructive words in the dictionary) and we will tell you on a daily basis what a Star you are


SES_Books - 08/04/09 11:24 PM

3cats-[/b]-You can't be stu.pid to have accomplished what you have, and you were always SOMETHING, just read your poetry if you need reminding. Some of the other boards scare me too.


Honeylioness - 08/05/09 10:36 AM

3cats's comment and R2B2's reply about "...one of the most destructive words in the dictionary..." got me to thinking.

For those new to our little corner of the Internet .... Yes, that statement should make you very very afraid!!

Things that really ARE stupid

* Male announcers for menstrual products telling women to "Have a Happy Period" ... Really??? How about I give your prostate muscle cramps so bad that feel as though your body is trying to make origami of your organs and tell YOU to just smile ... then go horseback riding?

* Streets with divided yellow median lines and signs that say No Passing. Make up your mind people.

* News reporters at the scene of a devastating house fire who push a microphone into the face of the homeowner and ask "How do you feel?" Wouldn't you just once like to see the resident turn on that Ken-doll wannabe and use that microphone as a rectal thermometer?

* "Green" or environmentally friendly products that are packaged on laminated cardboard and three layers of shrink wrap. And the point would be .... ??

* Drivers (almost exclusively males) who apparently do NOT own a vehicle, but a boom box on wheels. And who feel as though they must share their questionable taste in - dare I call it - music with not just their passenger(s) but the entire freakin' neighborhood with sub woofers so ramped up on steroids that from two floors up with my windows closed the pictures on my dining room vibrate and rattle.

* People who are unable to complete a sentence without throwing in the phrases "like", "he/she goes" and "you know" every three words. "So like, we were, you know, like at the mall, and then like, you know, he goes 'whatever'"

* Anyone using their cell phone in a public restroom!!! Enough said.

* Startsmart's actress/drama queen non-coworker

* R2B2's "Terror Temp"

* Pasty-skinned kids named Norman who try too hard to be all gangsta-cool and wear their jeans four sizes too large so that they are not only tripping over the hems but have to walk down the street grabbing a handful of cloth over their crotch to keep the things from sliding off their non-existent hips and butt.

* Parents who let their 10 year old daughters out of the house looking as though they are on their way to a photo shoot for Penthouse.

* The word IRREGARDLESS. It is not a word, or it may be but it is considered nonstandard because of the two negative elements ir- and -less.

* And let's not forget ALOT - no such word. If you want to distribute something the word is allot. If you wish to indicate a large quantity the words are a lot. (Can you tell this is a pet peeve of mine?)

* Bank robbers who write their demand note on the back of personal documents - like these geniuses:

Don't sign your demand note. Demand notes have been written on the back of a subpoena issued in the name of a bank robber in Pittsburgh, on an envelope bearing the name and address of another in Detroit, and in East Hartford, Conn., on the back of a withdrawal slip giving the robber's signature and account number.

* Or how about this Einstein ....

A gentleman awoke one cold morning and found that his car would not start; the problem was a frozen fuel line. No problem for Mr. Brilliant -- one need only warm up the gas, right? So he siphoned off the fuel, put it into a pot, took it into the kitchen and heated it up on the stove....

* And finally .....

Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

[Honeylioness]

Honeylioness - 08/10/09 12:28 PM

Okay, all of the bosses are out of the office this week. My projects are almost all complete and I am bored - not a good thing to have a bored Lioness.

Anywhoooooooo - I thought I would take a couple minutes of your time to update y'all on a some things.

1) Redhawk - You know how people say "No news is good news?" Well, once again they were LYING!!!!

On July 8th I sent him an e-mail similar to my board post letting him know how I was feeling. Then gave him some time to "process". I sent another message on the 22nd to gently remind him I was waiting for his response. Then on August 1st I called his cell phone and left a message saying I was rather surprised that he was going to just ignore me and not give me the courtesy of a response after all these years. As of this morning - still nothing. I know that should be my answer - but I guess I am just too stubborn for words because I am now mad as He11 and he WILL talk to me one way or another.

2) Meanwhile I get these calls from the Boy from Alabama. Something about that accent is just sooooooo sensuous. To pick up the phone and hear "Hello Darlin'" drawled like warm molasses in your ear - makes a girl all tingly. Too bad that my intention of ever living in the Deep South is about as likely as my sprouting wings and flying.

3) Body Modifications - Let's see - each ear has three piercings and I have a tri-colored lavender rose on my right hip (birthday gift from a great friend years ago - she died two months later). And if scars count then the two from my biopsies and the numerous ones on my hands and arms from cats and cooking accidents.

4) ALERT THE MEDIA - I actually managed to get something constructive accomplished at home!!!!! I completely straightened up my bedroom and put away all the clothes in piles on the hope chest and tossed over the iron railing that keeps me from pitching headfirst down the stair well from the loft. Changed the sheets (my LEAST favorite chore in the whole house - honestly). Ran two loads of laundry (still have to fold and put away), did a load of dishes and put them away and tossed some science experiments from the fridge. At least it's a start.

5) This weekend I went and picked 15 pounds of blueberries and a peck of peaches. I also got some just-picked corn and pickling cucumbers as well as a new jar of local honey. The cukes are spending a couple of days in alum-water, hoping to pickle them Tuesday. Two large trays of blueberries are in the freezer - will transfer to bags tonight. I made a peach/blueberry pie just for ME. Blueberry Buckle to bring into work to share. Gave some to my neighbors who came home yesterday from their road trip, and have a kettle ready to go to start cooking down the rest for blueberry syrup. The peaches need to ripen just a bit more before I can them.

6) Now - I am not going to go into too much detail at the moment. But I have put into motion something I have thought about for a while. If it all works out my guest room will be occupied for the next 10 months or so. I am having mixed emotions about this actually. I have lived along for a long Long LONG time - so having another person around will take some getting used to. On the other hand perhaps this will provide a bit more motivation to do some of the things I should be doing, and then keep them up. We will see.

[Honeylioness]

Nuttinhoney7 - 08/10/09 07:13 AM

I'm WAAAAY behind in reading. I wasn't on at all this weekend. I'm at work this early because my husband and I had a fight and I just wanted to get away. I can't stop crying.

Nuttinhoney7 - 08/10/09 10:13 AM

We are not very chatty today. It was a very long night last night, and i just gave up hope of ever sleeping and came to work. I've been here three hours already. I talked over the situation with another CW and I feel a little better, but maybe not more so in DH's favor. He got very intoxicated last night and long story short threatened me with divorce.

This is not the first time and its getting old. I would very much rather be alone than deal with this again and again. I kinda feel dumb for sticking around over and over. Its hard though and I'm not sure I can bring myself to actually file. The thought makes me sick to my stomach. We are still rather young and I never wanted to be one of the people that gave up. I guess I'm still confused.

jillbean_1978 - 08/11/09 01:55 AM

Hope everyone is doing well. Dh had a test today with a well known large company. He already received an email saying "Thanks, but no thanks." DH is taking it very hard. He is saying crazy things. I told him that I love him no matter where he is working or what kind of money he is making. And I don't think it made a bit of difference. I don't wanna give up. I mean if it's meant to be that he works at a fast food for the rest of our lives then I will find a way to make it. But I don't wanna just settle either.

So with today he bought a pack of smokes and smoked most of the pack. I hope it doesn't happen tomorrow. Hoping that he feels better after sleeping.

Well I am gonna try to get some more sleep.

Honeylioness - 08/11/09 10:04 AM

jillbean - I am so sorry your family is having such a hard time, especially your husband. Just a couple of thoughts - because while I have not been married myself, I watched my parents go through this twice.

It helps to keep in mind that many men in this society are brought up to believe that their value as a man lies in what they do for a living, how much they earn and how they take care of their family. I would bet that your husband feels as though he is failing based on these criteria. One of the best things you could have done is just what you did. Assure him that you still love and admire him, that your regard and love for him has little to do with a paycheck but more about who he is as a person. You will probably have to re-iterate this over and over in different ways before he starts to accept it as truth.

Secondly, I would suggest he check out CraigsList for your area. I just read an article yesterday that the economy is bringing a surge in the work available for people part time. What are his skills around the home? Is he handy with tools? Run an ad on CL for his services. Look at what people are asking for help with. Even a couple of days a week doing odd jobs can bring an extra $100 home. So while he is looking for a new full time job, think outside of the box to other ways to make a little cash. This is the article I read.

articles.moneycentral.msn.com/SavingandDebt/SaveMoney/18-ways-to-earn-100-dollars-a-month.aspx

Time-telling pets: When our matriarch, Mary, was alive she was the time keeper of the pride. Heaven forbid I sleep past 08:00 am on a weekend, or if I was home sick. She knew the routine: Mom got up, got ready for work, went downstairs, fed cats, changed water in bowls and left - all by 07:45 am. So if I deviated from HER schedule she would sit on the pillow next to my head and stare at me. If that did not get my attention she would then "groom" me. So imagine you are sound asleep, having this great dream, when suddenly a 22 pound tabby cat starts "washing" your eyebrows for you. Not sure what was worse, the 10 grit surface of her tongue that could strip chrome from a bumper, the slobber, the sudden shock of the "assault", or the oh-so-aromatic fish breath wafting into your face first thing in the morning.

Ah well - I still miss her.

Nuttinhoney7 - 08/11/09 10:23 AM

Well, i feel a little better today. In my leisure time at work I calculated and determined that I can afford our apartment and all the bill and still have a little left over, if it ever came to that. Oddly, that makes me feel better. I don't feel as stuck as I did before. He apologized, which I'm taking with a grain of salt. I guess I'm going to take it one day at a time. I think I made it clear that I'm not going to just sit there and take it anymore.

I still haven't figured out my NSD's yet. I will get on that. I don't want to be off the wagon already. Its only 1/3 of the way through the month.


Honeylioness - 08/12/09 11:22 AM

Good morning ladies ..... okay, grab a cup of coffee or whatever your liquid addiction of choice is because I have had WAY too much time on my hands this week.

nuttinhoney - I wanted to give you kudos for taking the time to calmly look at your situation and finances. I am one of those people who tends to plan for the worse case scenarios - just to mentally prepare myself for the "what if". Once I have done that, no matter how the situation turns out, then I feel able to cope with it in a non-hysterical or panic-stricken way.

This is NOT to say that the situation with your husband will necessarily end in the courts, but I hope you find that knowing that you are more than capable of taking care of yourself will give you a sense of "centered-ness" that will allow you to stand your ground firmly without aggression in the future. Very often once we have found that grounded place inside us and believe in our own power and skills, the people around us will change in response to it, and not even know why.

This inner strength may allow you to say calmly to your spouse "I don't like it when you drink because you become a bully. I am no longer a timid 7 year old on the playground you can intimidate. And I am not going to waste my time talking to you when you are like this. Now, when you can discuss your feelings in a constructive ADULT manner - let me know. Until then this conversation is over." At which point you leave the room/house.

From my personal experience, one of two things will happen. It will be the proverbial 2X4 upside his head which will scare him into realizing he really is going to lose you and he will wind up alone. Or it will escalate and only you can decide at what point you pack your bags, or change the locks.

Know that we are here for you regardless of the option you choose.

startsmart - hmmmmmm, interview with elephant trainers. Might I recommend a good pair of rubber boots? I would hate to see the story derailed because you went shin deep into a ponderous pile of pachyderm poop! ORRRRRRRRRRRRRRR - I hear it is a great fertilizer and some zoos even sell it to people. Wouldn't the puppies love THAT to roll around in?

Sharing - How nice to hear that Nugget has a support group to help him through this transition

wvugirl - Deep Deep Breaths ... I hope the bath helped. Now, something to keep in mind (because my grandmother used to do something similar with me) is that she is a product of the Depression. So first of all, the idea of actually PAYING for water will probably always be a foreign one to her.

3cats - I also saw that you shared your perspective on another thread ... look at you Miss I-Am-Too-Shy-To-Talk-To-Strangers .... we always knew that was just your alter ego cover story - like Clark Kent

dakota - I used to get UTIs more frequently but *knock on wood* have not had one in over a year. Here are a couple of things you can try when you first feel it coming on.

* Drink LOTS of cranberry juice. The fruit contains an acid not found in other fruits that not only makes your urine more acidic, but that change in ph prevents the bacteria from adhereing to the walls of the bladder and urethra so they get flushed out.

* Add extra parsley and celery to your diet as they will increase the frequency of emptying your bladder which helps flush out the bacteria

* Buy untreated celery seeds through a health food store etc and follow the directions on the bottle to make a tea and drink it. It works the same way as cranberries, but I find it more effective.

* Regarding the yeast infections from taking antibiotics - I would recommend plain unsweetend yogurt - both to eat and to apply topically. For the latter just apply as you would an over the counter cream but wipe it off after 20-30 minutes. You can also dip a tampon into it and apply it internally. Eaten it will help restore the natural flora of your internal systems.

Nsinglet(1) - Nope, I USED to have a wide variety of colored tights in the 1980s - but now only boring Nude and Black

Nsinglet(2) - Ohhhhhh ... PEARS. My second favorite fruit. I am salivating here just thinking about getting them for free as I have to pay to pick them where I am. Hmmmm, pear butter, spiced canned pears, pear nectar. If you lived closer I would come over and show you how to do this ..... *sigh*

Nsinglet (3) - thanks for the reminder about the parishioner who passed. Keeping in mind that I am a "practical" sort of gal I had the following ideas about how to help the son and daughter in law in the upcoming months. But remember young lady *giving my best Mrs Grundy look* this does NOT mean YOU have to do these things yourself. I am sure there are others in your church who could, and should, help out. These are ideas for the next six months or so - which will cover the holidays, which can be overwhelming when they are the first ones without the loved one.

* Since the son has had heart issues, perhaps have some of the teenage boys from the church go over there once a month or so to clip hedges, mow the lawn, shovel etc....

* Even if there is family, could someone offer to help them deal with mom's clothes etc? Such as packing them up for donation, discard or keeping a few? Sometimes it is too hard for the family to do it all themselves. This may include helping move any hospital equipment out of the room/house. Then deep cleaning the room or carpet for them.

* Offer to help put a scrapbook or album together with all the condolence cards, photos etc.

* Be very aware that studies have shown that at about six weeks after a loss the survivors tend to reach a very rocky place. Most people have moved on and reality really hits that the loved one is gone. Try to keep an eye on the family and offer help.

* Make note of the deceased's birthday and suggest getting together for dinner or dessert. Not to divert them from the day, but to let them remember and tell stories, and perhaps toast her life.

* Have someone arrange to go over every two weeks or so to "help" the DIL with mopping floors, cleaning out the fridge etc. The larger housekeeping jobs. By "helping" (even if the volunteer does most of the work) the DIL won't feel so overwhelmed and gets some positive interactions.

By offering this kind of help the family will feel less isolated, more cared for, and that should help them relax a bit.

[Honeylioness]

Honeylioness - August 17, 2009


Okay, I took the weekend off to have a mini nervous breakdown but I am finally caught up reading - I think ......



Okay .... DEEEPPPPP breath .... I am trying very hard not to freak out but don't think I am doing such a good job.I am stressing over the oddest assortment of issues as Thursday draws closer and closer.


I know it is irrational and petty - but I am suddenly beset by self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy about my looks, clothes, truck, home, how I cook, making my own soaps etc ... I don't want to be the weirdo she writes home to her parents about.


My mother says this is just regular and normal anxiety about having a stranger come to live with me. She also thinks overall it will be a good thing for me, get me out of my ruts. I guess I am just stressed and a bit scared.

And it doesn't help much that Thursday I am supposed to waste a morning in the County Courthouse fighting May's ticket, that I will probably lose and have to pay anyway, so perhaps I should just toss in the towel now and not even try.

Sorry for being such a Debbie Downer today. I just needed to get this off my chest I think.


azmomx3 - 08/17/09 02:58 PM

Honey: Congrats, you have officially turned into me and my thoughts of being able to raise my own children. The mere fact that all of these thoughts are even going through your mind mean you care enough about another human being (one you don't even know for that matter) and that more than qualifies you for the responsibility you have ahead of you. I have complete faith you will be a Rock Star and shine from the inside out. It is awesome to have rules in place but most of it you have to develop along the way as situations arise because some stuff you can never plan for. Let it our as much as you need to, it's the only way to move forward....Hugs!


Red2Black2011 - 08/17/09 04:18 PM

Honey: Take a deep breath. The overwhelming feeling means you are care so much and we know you'll be fine. Ann is so luck to be living with you.


Sharing the Simple Lifestyle - 08/17/09 05:55 PM

Honey, Who wouldn't? This is huge. Remember, it's like marriage. For the first month you think, "Wow, how strange is this person?" After that, you totally forget about the little differences. Best tip is one I learned from an experienced teacher. "Forget about your nervousness and concentrate on the other person." Works like a charm. She'll be delightful. You'll be awesome. German parents (I've met something like hundreds here in Canada) are models of flexibility, tolerance, respectful of others, fun and open, well educated and culturally experienced via travel. Ann will be an amalgam of her parents.


red_wagon - 08/17/09 08:44 PM

Honey - have her empty the dishwasher or do dinner dishes when needed, keep her room clean, and maybe one other small chore: dusting, vacuuming. What to do with her next week is easy: Boston! If you're working during the day, take her in after work and on the weekend. You tell her the rules and if she breaks them you discipline her - not as a parent, but as the owner of the home she is living in. Take away a privilege. Add extra chores for a week. It's normal to be scared and worried about sharing your home. But take cues from her. Ask her what she wants to do while she's here, things she wants to experience. Take her to visit me and R2B2 in NYC one weekend! Take her to your craft fairs and show her your hobbies. Ask her about hers and try them out (maybe she loves bike riding or scrap booking or who knows what!) You don't have to represent ALL of America, just your corner. You can do this!


startsmart - 08/17/09 09:28 PM

Secondly, what am I going to DO with her next week before school starts?

Why not just ask her Honey? Are there any books you've never read but been interested in? A US tv series we can rent? How about setting up a 3-day trial membership at the gym? Or finding some canvas and paints? Do you want to find a puzzle? Or learn sudoku? Take your digital camera and wait for the perfect picture at the park? Read up on cliff diving?

I started worrying about whether or not she would "like" my home and how I have it decorated and arranged.

As a guest it may be different but hardly wrong if she doesn't prefer something your way. Make a compromise - let her rearrange the furniture in one room and in a week decide if you like it better. Don't forget to pick up some nightlights for the hallway and bathroom so she won't stumble in the dark.

I think someone here mentioned role modeling that not all American's are rich, or living in McMansions and driving new Hummers.

You're going to show this girl that Americans are not ALL materialistic. We love simple pleasures too. And if you can show her that a 17 year old truck lets you buy all that fabric to make those fabulous quilts she learn another lesson as well.

I am suddenly beset by self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy about my looks, clothes, truck, home, how I cook, making my own soaps etc

I think the best part of this experience is to teach her open communication with adults. I don't get why you like wearing skirts but I still think you're awesome! Not everyone is skilled enough to make soaps but it's a skill you should be proud of. Know that we're all here for you because you're awesome! Besides, she'll probably be relieved you're normal and don't sacrifice small animals at the full moon or eat your own hair or something. (you don't.... right? )


polkadots - 08/17/09 09:31 PM

honey- calm down, take a deep breath you will be representing the real American well I think because not everyone lives in "mcmansion" or drives and H2. Someone needs to show exchange students what the real life is.


SES_Books - 08/17/09 09:39 PM

Honey--One of the first things I learned about working with teenagers was to listen to them--really listen. And treat them like a real human being (i.e. what they perceive as being adult)

As for what to do with her the first week--have all kinds of literature and pamphlets about your area that she can read and process at her own pace. Then make a list and try to do them throughout the year.

Be sure she knows and understands the public transportation system. In addition, always remember she is only sixteen and all the legalities that go with that.


MittenKitten - 08/17/09 10:33 PM

Honey: I stayed over in Germany with a family when I was a senior in high school for 3 weeks (would have loved to stay longer but I was taking college classes free and wasn't willing to stop) I don't think you will find discipline to be an issue. Most kids I met there had there heads on straight, were polite and very nice. Explain the rules of the house, explain the transit system, take her some places but over all just enjoy her and be you. As many people in Germany don't even have vehicles I doubt she will care what yours looks like. If she wants some kids to hang out at your place set the rules and go with it. Chances are she may want to go the their homes to see what an American Family looks/acts like. I don't think you will have to worry about discipline, chances are if you tell her parents what happened they will take care of that part for you.

Your student will go home boosting what a wonderful person you are and how wonderful your baking, cooking and quilting skills are.


Saving4Norway - 08/18/09 01:06 AM

Honey- You may not see it when you look in the mirror but trust us, you are a WONDERFUL role model for empowered American women.


nitza19 - 08/18/09 01:51 AM

Honey - Take a DEEP BREATH about the girl. You know what she will learn about things in America, by living with you?

1. That Americans can be responsible, no matter what the media says.
2. That Americans DON'T eat at McD's everyday, no matter what the media says.
3. That Americans aren't selfish, no matter what the media says.
4. That Americans aren't ignorant, no matter what the media says.
5. That Americans are FULL of day-to-day wisdom. [Note: that will be because she lives with YOU, not because the rest of us can match it, lol.]
6. That Americans can handle emergencies.
7. That Americans walk through life with grace.
8. That Americans take on responsibilities to help others and make sure things get taken care of.
9. That Americans can be environmentally aware.
10. That Americans are full of ingenuity and can make anything out of anything.
11. That Americans can cook.
12. That Americans can set reasonable boundaries.
13. That Americans can teach, and learn, and help others grow.
14. That Americans are self-sufficient.
15. That American WOMEN don't NEED a man to take care of them. (Snap!)
16. That American women are brave and independent and opinionated when necessary.
17. That Americans are welcoming.
18. That Americans are giving.
19. That Americans are understanding.
20. That Americans have HUGE hearts!

I am sure there are so, so, so many more, but I'm already going to have a 50-page post so I'll take a break there Just try to have a sliver of the faith in yourself that we have in you. You will do an amazing job.