Post by Honeylioness on Jun 1, 2009 22:47:22 GMT -5
01 June 2009
I am not really sure why I have been so cranky all day. Ovulating? Result of a weekend where I did absolutely nothing at all? Who knows. Perhaps it is just picking up the latent stress from the rest of the office and all the weirdness running through the air. But I felt as though most of my nerve endings were on the outside of my skin. Everything was getting on my nerves. The rushing around to deal with all the last minute details for the JJET visit which should have been planned for and finalized a week ago – IF anyone had bothered to let me and Susan know about it that is.
And Linda O – heavens above that woman bugs the shit out of me. And her swinging from extremes – either passing off everything to other people when the tasks are HER responsibility, to suddenly taking it upon herself to be all “involved” and try to do things she has no business doing or dealing with. Then her sudden acquisition of an assistant in that truly annoying temp JoAnne. Honestly, I am really unsure why she still has a job or what exactly she does all day.
I hated getting all emotional in Joyce’s office – every time I do I feel as though somewhere a giant black mark is made next to my name. And then I get a bit paranoid and assume that the closed doors mean they are talking about me and not in the “Hey let’s get Melissa a treat” kind of way. Why do I do that?
It is something I have done for years and years – I know this. As though people were able to read my thoughts and know that at times I am NOT giving 100% to the task at hand or that I think they are just petty and ridiculous, and because of what I am thinking there will somehow be retribution. I am sure it arises from lingering low self esteem especially when it comes to the workplace. And my own feelings of inadequacy arising from not having my bachelor’s degree. But wishing I could change the past is not only futile and a waste of time, but self defeating as well. So why, if my rational mind knows this, can’t my “gut” get the same message?
Therapy, journaling, self evaluation – years of work & money and still I cannot seem to let go of this lingering issue. Well, this and my not-so-positive self body image.
I am not really sure why I have been so cranky all day. Ovulating? Result of a weekend where I did absolutely nothing at all? Who knows. Perhaps it is just picking up the latent stress from the rest of the office and all the weirdness running through the air. But I felt as though most of my nerve endings were on the outside of my skin. Everything was getting on my nerves. The rushing around to deal with all the last minute details for the JJET visit which should have been planned for and finalized a week ago – IF anyone had bothered to let me and Susan know about it that is.
And Linda O – heavens above that woman bugs the shit out of me. And her swinging from extremes – either passing off everything to other people when the tasks are HER responsibility, to suddenly taking it upon herself to be all “involved” and try to do things she has no business doing or dealing with. Then her sudden acquisition of an assistant in that truly annoying temp JoAnne. Honestly, I am really unsure why she still has a job or what exactly she does all day.
I hated getting all emotional in Joyce’s office – every time I do I feel as though somewhere a giant black mark is made next to my name. And then I get a bit paranoid and assume that the closed doors mean they are talking about me and not in the “Hey let’s get Melissa a treat” kind of way. Why do I do that?
It is something I have done for years and years – I know this. As though people were able to read my thoughts and know that at times I am NOT giving 100% to the task at hand or that I think they are just petty and ridiculous, and because of what I am thinking there will somehow be retribution. I am sure it arises from lingering low self esteem especially when it comes to the workplace. And my own feelings of inadequacy arising from not having my bachelor’s degree. But wishing I could change the past is not only futile and a waste of time, but self defeating as well. So why, if my rational mind knows this, can’t my “gut” get the same message?
Therapy, journaling, self evaluation – years of work & money and still I cannot seem to let go of this lingering issue. Well, this and my not-so-positive self body image.