February 2009

[Honeylioness]

17 February 2009


startsmart - 02/17/09 12:05 AM

Finally, finally done with the guest room! I took a break to visit my grandma who is going downhill fast. More on that in a minute.

Which brings me to Grandma. I found out today that no one else in the family has visited her since I saw her after her last dr. appt. She's been in bed for three days and won't even get up to eat dinner. Since her pills require food my awesome friend B who works at grandma's assisted living home has been feeding grandma in bed. Tomorrow my mom and uncle see the doctor and then meet with hospice. I don't know what to expect from their evaluation but if grandma won't even get out of bed I'm afraid she's not going to be here much longer. (And again torn between the selfish desire to keep her here with me and the overwhelming wish for her to finally have peace and be healed).

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Freemidwife

startsmart, Hugs to you and your grandma. People often stop getting up and then stop eating as they pass. It actually makes the process easier for them- less painful. Death is like birth- a process that should be respected. Your grandma is lucky to have you.

sapphire12

startsmart -- It is hard watching a relative who is just a shell of his/her former self. When/If you have come to terms that she is not the grandma of yesteryear and she is ready to go, then peace will come for you as well that is headed for her eternal healing and peace. Not easy by any stretch, but peaceful. Now the rest of your family is just ... there is no excuse for not visiting your grandma.

Sharing the Simple Lifestyle

smartstart, Yes, that has been my experience too, that the next journey seems to begin as you have described. It is distressing for those who so love their parent or grandparent to see that food is not necessary for this transition. I hear a note of reconciliation with these events in your post. To see peace replace conflict in an older struggling soul brings an immense sense relief and release in this phase. What you are seeing and feeling is exactly on track. Know that we are walking by your side.

MittenKitten

Startsmart: Hugs to you. It is hard to watch a love one deteriate (spelling?) and get ready to leave this earth. Just love your grandmother and realize this is what she needs to do. Celebrate who she was. It took my grandmother a year from h3ll before she passed (including being evicted because the new owner of her apartment complex wanted her apartment after she had lived there for 8 years and paid her rent on time every month!) I also had a cousin who passed who was young (early 30ish) and it was difficult to see him in his final days. I just make it a point to remember them as they were in life not as there were near death.

Debt Diva

Startsmart - I feel for you as you go through this time with your grandmother. Take this time to speak all your words of love to her, even if you don't think she understands.


Honeylioness - 02/17/09 10:54 AM

startsmart - As Freemidwife noted the process of pass from this existence, to what I believe is a better one, should be honored. Something I fear that many people struggle with. I want to share with you my experience when my darling grandfather (Papa) passed on September 05, 1997.

He had been the most outgoing, energetic and gregarious person I knew until about three months before when he started having problems with his heart. A few doctors and a procedure later and things were not getting better. We could see his process of transitioning clearly - he stopped going out as often to see friends or do things he had participated in for years, he spoke more about his wife (Mimi) who had died ten years earlier, he began to give away his "things" and he spoke of what he regretted not doing. This was the first time I could ever remember hearing this from him.

In late August his physical condition began to decline rather quickly and during his last hospitalization we learned he had congestive heart failure. At 89 there was little that could be done. So after discussing it the family chose hospice, primarily because it was apparent to us all that he was making the transition and we did not want his last days to be a round of needles and tests, and he deserved the dignity of being cared for by loving hands.

He knew he was dying, but one comment he made really broke my
heart. He said to my uncle, after being moved to the Hospice facility, "I guess you guys have given up on me". David replied that this was not the case, but rather his heart was giving up the fight. Once Papa was reassured that we were not eager for this part of his life - he seemed to relax and became much calmer.

In many ways it was the most profound, loving and sweetest week
of my life. Sitting with him, bathing him, talking to him when he was able to is an experience I would not change for anything. He did stop eating because he had no appetite at all.

Two days before he passed we had the entire immediate family
gathered in his room. And we took turns telling him what we would remember most, how he had influenced us best and what we had learned from him and how he lived his life. Then being a Believing family we all prayed together, and finally my mother stroked his hair and told him that it was okay. We would miss his but we would be fine, and that he could go and be with Mimi whenever he wanted - and not to worry about us. I still remember the sense of abiding love and peace that seemed to fill the room and wrap itself around each of us present.

Within an hour he had slipped into a deep state - not quite
unconscious but close as he would occassionally open his eyes and talk to us. At this point someone was with him 24/7. The morning he left us I had been the one to sleep in his room the night before. And it was the first sleep I had gotten in days. It was if I could actually feel his spirit leave and be free of the physical shell that had been plaguing him.

Standing outside his room as the others gathered before going inside to say goodbye I remember there was a television on in the common room and the news was announcing that Mother Theresa had also died the same day. We all paused hearing this, looked at the screen, looked at each other - and then the entire group burst out laughing - which made the staff think we had all gone looney-tunes.

But it was this. Papa maintained he was 5'6" tall until the day he died. And he might have been in his 20's - but I am 5'2" and he only came up to my chin. So the family were all having the same thoughts and images in our heads. My Papa and Mother Theresa approaching the Pearly Gates, and St. Peter not even being able to see them over his podium because they were both so short. And a sense that while the world may have lost an angel of compassion, we had lost our own guardian angel in him - and how appropriate that they passed together.

I cannot tell you why your mother and uncle have not been to see her except to hazard a guess that neither of them has yet faced the reality of what is happening. Perhaps intellectually they have, but not deep in themselves. After all this is their mother, and facing our parent's mortality forces us to face our own. It sounds as though they are both in denial. Which is sad, because they are both missing out on this final opportunity to spend time with their Mom. Something I fear they will both regret later on.

I have told you this not to in any way minimize your pain or grief, but to illustrate what a blessing it can be to those left here to help another transition with peace and love. I guess what I am trying to tell you is this. Your grandmother has been so blessed to have had you as her grand-daughter and advocate. I can't explain it, but I get this deep sense that she has stayed for you. That even though the disease has muddled her conscious thought process she is aware of those around on a deeper level and knows of the struggles you have had with the housing and family issues.

But now that you have your own home, and are settled, she is tired and ready to move on to another adventure, another place to learn new things - and she can because she knows you will be okay. spend as much time as you can with her, let her know what you have learned and what you will cherish, and - if you can - tell her that it is okay to go if she needs to. Often they are just waiting to hear that things will be fine and their work is done before moving to embrace the light.

Know that my prayers are with you and your family.


Sharing the Simple Lifestyle

Honey, I hung on your every word. There is indeed always one crazy thing that when you recall it, you still laugh. My sisters and I were with DOD right through his final five days. He slipped in and out. (Severe emphysema). The second to last day, he bolted up out of bed, and said as clear as a bell, "I've got to get out of here!" (We were at St Michael's Hospital in Toronto) He startled the heck out of us, and then slipped fully into his final transistion phase. To this day, when we're up against a difficult wall, we'll suddenly remember DOD's words, and say, "I've got to get out of here!" and giggle. DOD had a tremendous sense of humor and loved to laugh. I always have thought that if he would have laughed himself at his words.

mrslynch

honey--that was a beautiful story. your eloquence is amazing, as is your compassion and your ability to always know the exact right thing to say.

red_wagon

Honey - what a beautiful tribute to your grandfather. It sounds like an amazing way to say goodbye. And I did giggle at the thought of he and Mother Theresa approaching the pearly gates.

startsmart - 02/17/09 03:19 PM

Honey- I too recall the week Princess Diana and Mother Teresa died, I was at the hospital while my mentor had surgery for lung cancer. I sat with her grandchildren and talked for hours. She passed my senior year of high school and I still visit her husband and am close to her family. I’m just not ready to lose my grandma yet. Even though my mom was 30 when she had me I still have all four of my grandparents living, both sets married over 60 years, no step-grandparents either. The closest person I’ve lost (besides my mentor) was a great-grandma when I was probably ten yo.

Heard the report from the doctor appointment, they’re giving my grandma about 2 months. My goal for that time is to spend as much time with her as possible, prepare myself for her service, go to work and stay on top of bill paying and debt repayment.

JennysMom

So the family were all having the same thoughts and images in our heads. My Papa and Mother Theresa approaching the Pearly Gates, and St. Peter not even being able to see them over his podium because they were both so short.

Honey *Wiping Away a Tear* I absolutely loved your story about your grandpa (papa)

Often they are just waiting to hear that things will be fine and their work is done before moving to embrace the light.

Let me share a story about one of my best friends. We had met in college and thought we'd be sitting in rocking chairs in our '80's muching chocolate together. But it was not to be. She was diagnosed with colon cancer that spread to her liver, and it was a terminal. She fought courageously for 14 months. Her sister called to tell me the doctors said she had only 2 days before passing away. My late DH and I were able to drive up to see her, (6-hour drive roundtrip) and spent nearly the whole day with her (in her home) with many other friends. It was wonderful and heartbreaking all at the same time. We laughed and told stories. Her last words to me were: Don't say goodbye. So I didn't. I just told her how much I loved her and how I would always love her.

We then drove home late that night. Within a couple days, she slipped into a coma. After about 2 weeks, her younger sister stood by her bedside one night and said: We all love you. We will always love you. And we're happy to take care of you. But if you want to go, we want you to know that you can. My friend died the very next morning.

One of her friends called to tell me the news. A few months later, she called again to tell me that she had bought our friend's house, and her discovery. She had opened the clean refrigerator and there was a small 'fridge magnet inside that was a rose. My friend who had passed away absoultely loved roses, but no one had ever seen this magnet before. We both laughed thinking that our friend was letting us know everything was OK.

nitza19

Honeylioness - I am sitting in my office, lunch dishes wrapped up and put away, crying like a baby after reading your post about your dear Papa. (It's a good thing my office has a door!). I always think that the most beautiful writing expresses an emotional truth in a clear way that other people can connect to, and your post was just that. I know it brought back memories of losing my own grandparents these past couple years. It's amazing the emotional power that shared experience can have. I don't feel like I'm expressing myself very coherently right now.. but in any case it was beautiful. I need to go wash my face and chug a pepsi or something before I have to go teach, lol.

calsfan

Honey---that was beautiful what you wrote about the passing of your grandfather. I am certain he could feel the love in the room during his last week and that he took that love with him on to Heaven to be with his Mimi.

moneysquirrel

SS-- Your love for your GP is apparent to all of us. Visit with her as much as you can, tell her of your love and that you are doing well, let her see how well you are doing, share the joys in your life. She knows of your love and your desires for her pain to go away. She needs to know that you will be ok when she is not there. Let her know that you are the person she wants you to be. And know that you are. Her love and influence on you made you who you are.

reeneejune

startsmart – I’ll share just a little bit about my Grandpa. I was very close to him, and it was like losing a parent when he passed away 3 years ago.

One of the greatest blessings I think Grandpa gave us to ease that transition was that he let us know how he wanted to be remembered.

His requirements were: the funeral should be graveside, at the crack of dawn and last no more than 5 minutes. That way everybody can go to work afterwards. That night or the next weekend, everybody (including kids…he was pretty liberal) is to drink a beer and tell all the funny and embarrassing stories about him they can remember. And no crying! You know, we took a little longer than 5 minutes at his graveside, and it wasn’t at the crack of dawn. About 10 minutes in, it started raining softly on us, as if Grandpa was reminding us that time’s up, get going.

My cousin’s husband (a lay youth pastor…it seemed fitting for someone so young at heart) gave the service. When it started raining, he looked up at the sky and said "I know we’re taking too long Dean, but you know these women. They take their time no matter what we want." People think my family is really nuts, but I can’t tell you how much of a blessing it is to have laughter amongst the tears.

Oh, and I quote I just have to share. I saw this on a church's reader board sign on my way to work the other day:

"If God tells you to chase Moby thingy in a rowboat, bring the tartar sauce!"

Honeylioness

reeneejune - I read your quote this morning and just HOWLED. So much so a co-worker came over to see if I was okay. I love it. And I loved the story of your grandfather. How wonderful that your cousin would know that not only was humor fitting for him, but for the family as well. I got an image of your grandfather pacing on a cloud muttering "make it rain harder ... yeesh, time to go folks!"


18 February 2009

startsmart - 02/18/09 09:55 AM

Okay I was going to post last night when red2black called me to chat.

It's been a he11 of a day. Work is more than a little draining as my coworker is ready to walk away from her mortgage a month after her husband lost his job. I can't imagine being that financially unstable and in a house! Plus she admits they're not cutting back. On anything. Not her daily Starbucks or name brand foods or cable, because she would "die without it" I didn't have the heart to tell her when you're working a night job you don't miss cable, just sleep.

Met my mom for dinner and the recap of the doctor appointments she attended with grandma and my a-hole uncle. I am very glad I didn't attend because I would have slapped or screamed at him so many times. According to her doctor it could be as few as weeks at the rate my grandma is declining, she's lost 4 pounds in a week and she's already underweight.

Went to visit the grandparents and you have to know my grandpa's favorite saying has always been "welllllllllll sh!t! That's exactly how the night ended as grandma had had an accident and grandpa was trying to clean it up. Mom and I stepped in and got fresh sheets and clothes, helped grandpa off the floor and alerted the staff. We sat and talked with grandma for awhile longer and explained the nurses from hospice would see her whenever she is in pain. She liked that and I said "you know why we're doing this right?" and she responds "because you love me." it was so very sweet. And then (this is when I started to cry) she added "I'm proud of you."

SingleMom - Ky

Honey – Thank you for your post about your papa. It very much brought back memories of my grandfather’s passing from cancer in 2005. He was able to stay at home with Hospice care and we all hade a few weeks to enjoy the memories/times. Sometimes I feel bad thinking that my little guy did not get to “know” Gramps as he was 9 months when Gramps passed but we have a lot of pictures of the two of them together and we talk about my guy crawling around under the hospital bed investigating everything. Again, thank you for sharing and bringing my memories back to the forefront.

startsmart - 02/18/09 04:22 PM

i'm not so much focused on my uncle right now as I have no contact with him but hearing how he treated my mom yesterday really made me mad. i'm probably taking this harder than most because everyone else has someone with them to talk to. talking here helps but knowing i'm the only one there watching grandma's body deteriorate is killing me.

working late tonight and then going to pack for my trip this weekend. i will have family at my house every weekend for the next few months so i need to work that into my schedule. and keep the house cleaner, lol.

19 February 2009

startsmart - 02/19/09 01:58 PM

I have a BIG favor to ask you wise ladies.

If you've personally been involved in preparing for a funeral (before or after the death) please email me @ blessedincal (at) gmail (dot) com!

As I will be gone all weekend and my Mom needs help making sure we have everything covered before it happens. I know this might make me morbid but I'm anticipating not being able to function very well and I do lists well.

Again, please email as I'll be off the thread for the next few days but can check email from my phone and send your advice to my mom (not so dear uncle has shoved all the preparations in her lap and claimed he will sign checks and do nothing else).

Honeylioness

*reads startsmart's request and goes to write another novelette*

startsmart - I will send you something this weekend.

Ravin01

SS - All I have to say is Amen sister! I can't provide info on the arrangements but I see our beloved Honeylioness can provide you insight on that too!

Sharing the Simple Lifestyle

Honey, smartstart is fortunate to tap into your expertise. You are the right go-to gal for her question.

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Honeylioness - 02/20/09 06:45 PM

Okay - a bottle of Merlot for me

Now, everyone try to not be too shocked - but my A.R. detail-orientated brain has been at work again. In response to startsmart's request for some information about preparing for someone's passing, and the steps people tend to forget in dealing with the aftermath and all the details - I have created another check list. And it is rather ..... uummmmm ...... big.

You can find the listing and two necessary sample letters on my Board

Red2Black2011

Honey: You wouldn't be the Honey we love without "rather ..... uummmmm ...... big" awesomely informative list.

startsmart - 02/21/09 12:00 PM

Big thanks to all who sent me emails and suggestions on the funeral planning and to Honeylioness for being the Queen of Lists!

[Honeylioness]

17 February 2009

Question of the Week (QOTW): What is your biggest fear with the economy as it is? What are you doing to prepare/deal with it? Is it affecting your every day life/sleep?

Challenge of the Week (COTW): Alright blame Toasty for this one. Spring is coming so lets jump on it and clean one area or thing you have been avoiding (ideas: The refrigerator, windows, a room, desk, vehicle.) Hmmm maybe it is time for me to clean my windows......

*********************************

QOTW: Well, as of today I can say that my job, and industry, is about as secure as anyone's normally is - barring my doing anything insane like b**tch-slapping a specific co-worker. So I would have to say my biggest anxiety comes from wondering when I will next take a hit due to someone else's stupidity.

For instance - the overall economy stresses the budget of my town, who has a huge deficit, which they try to make up by increasing my property taxes which drives my mortgage payment up and outside my budgeted amount. Just the overall domino effect that has me a bit stressed. Because there really is nothing I can do about it, I can only do my best to adapt.

I "deal" with it by shutting out a lot of the "Talking Heads" since I have not heard much in the way of constructive comments lately. I try to stay focused on what I CAN do - be aware of my spending and budget, stay focused on saving more and reminding myself that my grandparents survived much worse during the Depression and I have inherited many of their frugal ways. Only occasionally do I find it whirling around in my brain as I try to fall asleep but I have a couple of techniques that normally work. Fingers crossed they continue to.


COTW: Pffttttt....already did mine! Yep, even though I technically did it LAST week I am choosing to count it - yep, yep, yep.

Except - I really have been meaning to go through EVERYTHING in the two small closets in my bedroom and ruthlessly get rid of things I never wear, would never wear again, or have no hope of ever fitting into without the assistance of an eating disorder. For all I know Whitey Bulger could be living in the back of one of the closets and I would have no idea. I will try to get this done before March 1st.

[Honeylioness]

18 February 2009

Question: For all of your savvy financial types out there, I read an article this morning that has me more than a little nervous about my mortgage company CountryWide www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28645505/ and another about a company called MERS who bundled and re-bundled etc mortgages - anyways .... I am not sure if I SHOULD be nervous about who I pay my mortgage to? A part of me wanted to call them and ask if I had been bundled or sold off in some strange package to another company, but if that was so would I still be paying Countrywide every month? Or do I just shrug and let it go - as I have never been delinquent on my payments.

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Red2Black2011

Honey: I would continue to pay Countrywide because even though they might have sold the mortgage, they are probably getting a fee as a service agent of the mortgage. Make sure and keep copies of your statements and canceled checks so if there is ever a question, you would have documentation of payment.

SES_Books

Honey-- Countrywide doesn't even exist anymore as a company. It was purchased by Bank of America, I think. I think I remember you saying you have a 30year fixed mortgage. If you do, you don't have an alt-a mortgage. The way I understand alt-a is that customers could choose to pay interest only, or even LESS than interest only. In today's world I think all mortgages have been sliced and diced,and then sold on. You should be OK. They were talking about today's housing bill on CNBC and mentioned that 90% of all mortgages are in good standing. They also mentioned that those 90% will not be upset that they will not be getting any help from this bill! Nobody ask me. I am upset!!! And I just paid off my mortgage.

This Housing bill has a lot in it but it still sounds like a lot to benefit a few. I never considered myself a raving "free marketer" but i'm beginning to think some of the mortgages should just crash and burn. I mean they are talking both interest and principal write downs! But only for those in foreclosure. Just watch how many will choose to take foreclosure- for the write-down!

Nsinglet

Hi Melissa,

I can't post on the message board because, according to my husband, of Microsoft updates.

I saw your question about Countrywide. We also have Countrywide, which is now Bank of America. I asked this question too, and was told that these companies do sell their mortgages, but that if you are current on your mortgage, have an A-rated one, they usually keep these. Even if they sold yours, they still collect your payments and keep track of any escrow. I do check every year to make sure that they have paid our property taxes.

Anyway, our plan is to pay off our mortgage this year as I don't want to suffer any fallout from this crisis. We only have $16,500 left to go, and I still feel we are a long way off from paying it. My husband thinks it's great, and that we are paying it off quickly. Well, if anything, we are paying it off on schedule.

I know this is from a long time ago, but you said that you feel uncomfortable accepting gifts from people. Have you analyzed the reason for this? There are a lot of people who feel that way too, my husband included. I however, don't understand this, because I grew up in a very generous house.

I believe the scripture says, "There is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving." If you focus on the word 'more' in this scripture we can conclude that while there is happiness in giving, there is also happiness in receiving. There shouldn't be unhappiness in receiving. What do you think?

Thanks for all your detailed how-to's. I am wracking my brain to come up with a how-to you can do for me. Smile. I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Take Care,

nitza19

Honeylioness - don't worry about MERS. It's just "Mortgage Electronic Registration System" and basically they process payments for ALL KINDS OF mortgage companies. Like by the thousands. So now the lender on your loan instead of reading "Countrywide" will read "Mortgage Electronic Registration System FOR Countrywide". They process millions of mortgages and just do the work for the lenders. Your mortgage type can't be changed on you. If it's a fixed, it's a fixed, don't worry about it. It's really just who handles the paperwork on the back end, and you don't need to care. Lenders are always selling their mortgages to other companies (even though they usually tell you when you get one that there is like only a 5% chance of that happening). MERS has been around forever.

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Honeylioness - 02/19/09 12:56 PM

Mortgage: Thank you to all those who help talk me down off the ledge with your comments and insight. I think the reason this article got me anxious had to do with how I bought the property in the first place. We closed in October 2001 and at that time I had gone through FHA since I was considered "low-income", and a program called Nehemiah which helps people manage the down payment. Even at that time the condo was undervalued due to the renters who had made a mess of the interior. But it was structurally sound and the absentee owner responsive in replacing the kitchen sub-flooring and old water heater as a part of the deal.

My credit scores at that time were pretty bad - and all my own fault. A week before the scheduled close I got a call that FHA had denied my loan application (remember back when they actually DID that?) so the broker had scrambled to get an alternate set-up. I wound up with two mortgages, one for $100K which was the max FHA would allow and a second for the balance - but which had a balloon payment due in five years.

Fast forward four years and after scrimping and saving and eating ramen I have paid off all my credit cards and my FICO score is now in the 770s. At that time I told Countrywide I wanted to look at a Re-Fi for a better rate. They were able to lower my rate almost 2 points to 6.125%. The dumbest move I made in hindsight was rolling the closing costs into the mortgage - which increased the overall amount I owed. But hindsight is 20/20 and usually masochistic.

Fast forward to today - I still feel as though there are many things about the real estate market that I don't understand. I began to think that because I was a recipient of an FHA loan to start with, even though I am now in a traditional 30-year fixed, that somehow the current situation was going to suddenly bite me in the a$$ even though in the eight years I have lived here I have only once had to pay a late fee and have never been delinquent in a payment.

Sharing the Simple Lifestyle

Honey, I wish I could answer your mortgage question. It sounds, if I've understood correctly, that you have a standard fixed mortgage and a typical second mortgage. Honey, I'll include R2B2 in the rest of this...

Honey, R2B2, Last night on Carmen W-U's "On the Money" her guests were three mortgage specialists from the private and public sector. Really, really worth getting on CNBC TV, go to "USA" selection, and you'll be able to click a video replay of two or three of the segments. The questions Honey asked were exactly that sort of nuts and bolts question from responsible people. It was a great Q and A. I'm so happy that last night was given to regular, responsible people wondering how all these changes will affect them.

Honeylioness - 02/19/09 06:14 PM

Sharing - OOPS - forgot to mention this.

When I did the Re-Fi I was able to combine the two mortgages. Aside from the lower interest rate due to my improved FICO score and on time payment record they were able to do this. Thus I avoided having an balloon payments hanging over my head.

On a side note - why are they called balloon payments? Balloons are pretty party decorations in nice colors or designs that make people happy. Could it be that because they are both filled with hot air that is where they got their name?

nitza19

Honeylioness - I think because they blow up in your face

[Honeylioness]

MSN > real estate Home > Message Boards > Real Estate

Question: Do you think Obama's housing plan will help you?


G Lee - 02/18/09 01:40 PM

President Obama's housing plan aims to stem the flood of foreclosures and allow homeowners who owe more than their homes are worth to refinance. Do you plan to take advantage of any of the initiatives he set forth to stabilize the housing market?

Read "Obama's $75 billion housing fix" for more details on the plan.

realestate.msn.com/article.aspx?cp-documentid=17907545

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Honeylioness - 02/19/09 09:28 AM

I don't see anything in this bill that is going to make anything resembling a positive impact on my finances anytime soon.

I too am lucky that when I purchased in 2001 I had some basic knowledge and inner fortitude to stay within my pre-approval amount when I was looking to buy my first home. Even then the mortgage representative tried to persuade me that an ARM would "..free up cash for you every month over a boring 30-year fixed..." *RME* Even though at the time I did not know that much about better managing my money and investments I knew THAT smelled fishy. Fortunately being the "boring frugal stick-in-the-mud Yankee" that I am I wanted to know every month what my payments would be. Thank god I did.

But I have watched neighbors and even friends let their sense of entitlement lead their media brainwashed selves straight into a quagmire of collectors, repo men and angst that just makes me shake my head.

Once again - a government plan has nothing to offer me - or the millions of others who are plugging away, paying our bills and setting aside what we can in savings. If they really wanted to help ME they would force my mortgage company to lower my interest rate to 4-5%, with NO closing fees either up front or rolled in. Thereby lowering my monthly payment by several hundred dollars. Thereby freeing up cash which I might use at Home Depot to finish the guest room, or in a few months have the cash to replace my 17 yo truck, or even take a small vacation.

Instead I will have the "pleasure" of providing yet another handout to my neighbor who is 6 months behind on his condo fees, has two new cars, a plasma television and STILL somehow gets food stamps.

Makes me wonder why I even bother to try sometimes.

~Honeylioness
WIR Member
NS/CS Member

[Honeylioness]

Various Rants and Raves


reeneejune - 02/18/09 09:21 PM

Health insurance - My problem is that I'm really rather overweight. I don't LOOK as heavy as I really am because I'm balanced proportion-wise. BUT when you have to type in how much you actually weigh, I can't bring myself to lie too much about it, and because the number is a good 75+ more than I should be, I generally get automatically declined for individual coverage. I live in Oregon, and we do have a pretty forward-thinking safety net in place. But with the budget shortfall they've basically frozen funding for all of the "extra" programs. For example, we have a lovely program that pays 50-95% of an individual or family health insurance policy depending on income (yes, even if you're above the poverty line!) as long as you've been without coverage for 6+ months. I've done this before, and it was amazing...$10 a month and I got to pick my own insurance plan/carrier based on my needs/wants (of course with minimum coverage requirements). I searched today hoping to get an application in and get covered...but the web site says there's a 1.5-2 YEAR wait just to get an application! I put my name on the waiting list in the hope that maybe some of the federal stimulus money will get this program moving again. But I don't have very high hopes.

Vent - Ok, I like to think of myself as a responsible young woman. I tried to go to college, I haven't gotten married or knocked up before I was finacially able to handle it, I work my tail end off, and accept the fact that I'm going to be VERY poor for a while. Why is it that the girls who make poor decisions get everything handed to them on a platter? Need health insurance? Get yourself pregnant...you're covered instantly. Not only that, but you get a nice little wad of cash to spend on your junk food every month, vouchers from WIC to cover staples, TANF (welfare) if you can't find/don't know/have a deadbead baby daddy, Section 8 so you don't have to pay (much) for housing...I could go on and on. It's sickening that we as a society are REWARDING this behavior. I know that not everybody on assistance is a deadbeat. And I know that many people do need the help and are not abusing the system. But I get really frustrated when as a single person trying to do the right thing I can't get ANY help. Can anyone explain to me why, as a single person, i have to pay taxes at a higher rate? Aren't my expenses higher because I don't have a spouse to split them with? Sorry, I just really needed to get that out of my system.

startsmart - 02/18/09 09:29 PM

SES- direct quote from my workplace today so you can be thankful you're retired: "I don't care how broke I am, I have to buy Girl Scout cookies!" Now, who says she's not already hog tied herself by that thinking? Red2Black and I discussed that the #1 thing missing in this entire frackin' mess is PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY!!!!! Is there no one who will stand up and say "I s.crewed up. I invested with a company that made its billions by giving money in the form of home loans to people who could not afford their lifestyles." Instead of being shocked that the family two years ago that could not afford a half million dollar McMansion in an area with stagnant job growth still can't afford the same property I'm almost glad that people are waking up. If you don't know the risks you don't need a home. If you can't afford the risks you have the perfectly good option of renting. He11, if you don't have the money you CAN'T AFFORD IT!

A house is a sacrifice, not a right. It's telling yourself no so you have savings for a down payment and thus have some d.amn equity! It's paying off your other debts and paying bills on time every time so you have the stable credit to qualify for a good loan. It's knowing that you can't turn around and sell this thing on a whim or over a weekend if you feel like it. And most importantly, it's a promise, a commitment to a lender that you are prepared in sickness and in health, good jobs and bad, for richer or poorer, to make payments on the hundreds of thousands of dollars they gave you so you could be a homeowner. Money they could have given to someone else. Because didn't you know money isn't a renewable resource? You can't pluck it from the sky whenever you feel like it. You have to earn the right to borrow by being a trustworthy adult. Oh, and to all my friends at work who won't stop paying their cable bill or netflix I hope you realize some day how truly messed up your priorities are at this point. And stop putting your hands out for government funds that come out, in part, of MY pocket.

Whew. [steps off soapbox] I feel better now.

startsmart - 02/18/09 09:40 PM

reneejune- we should talk! I get some of the same rants going when it comes to being responsible and still bailing out those who would rather not be. Now I know some of the great ladies here are single moms or have been on assistance and I'm not talking about you. I love that our country helps those who are helping themselves. Simple example of my frustration is me and my brother. We're both going to be having some disability settlement in the next year. I'm preparing to pay off debt on my car, set aside a large emergency fund and then have my splurge (week in Vegas/Disneyland come October). He's got debt from the short sale of his house, old cars since repossessed, credit cards and student loans. He lives at home, mooches off his girlfriend and doesn't pay my parents a dime for food or shelter. His plan is to buy a flashy car. Days like these...

reeneejune - 02/18/09 09:48 PM

startsmart - Yeah, don't you just have those days where you're jumping up and down screaming on the inside? My mom and dad are getting a divorce, but my mom is feeling a little guilty about making him actually move out because he's only got $400/month in medical/disability coming in. "How will he survive on that?" she askes. I sputtered "He'll d.amn well figure it out like the rest of us have to!!" The property and mobile home are both in mom's (and another family member's) name.

My other favorite was when my DSis and DBIL were living with my parents right after they got married. It's DSis's name with mom's on the mobile home...Sis was working 2 job and so was DBIL, covering for mom while she was having some health problems. DOD was not working and had no excuse...but felt he had the right to b*tch about DSis and DBIL not doing any housework. DSis replied "You're not working. You do the d@mn dishes and laundry and while you're at it fix the hole in the bathroom floor. If it's not done by the end of the week I'll evict you myself!" I was SOOOOO proud of her!

startsmart - 02/18/09 10:35 PM

Sorry, [climbs back onto the soapbox and gets comfortable] YOU ARE NOT GUARANTEED RICHES, A HOUSE, A RECORDING CONTRACT, BASKETBALL CAREER, HOUSE OR PRIME RIB DINNER just because you're a good person who happens to live within the U.S. borders. When did "a chicken in every pot and car in every garage" turn into McDonalds McNuggets for lunch and dinner and a new convertible more often then we change socks? The "American dream" needs to come back to the harsh light of reality. Reality is that nothing is made overnight and the borders of this land, buildings you see, relationships built with foreign governments and even the food on your table are products of amazing sacrifices. How can you possibly look a farmer in the eye and say the untold hours of blood, sweat and tears s/he puts into their land every year is irrelevant? But we throw food away like kings and queens. How have we come to lie and deceive as acceptable means to advancement? Yet we take things we know we cannot afford to repay and look for loopholes in contracts we signed.

No one has ever forced you to overspend. We're persuaded by advertising, social norms and even our moods but every single choice is just that, a choice. I get so sick of hearing the whining that the commercials made me do it, the salesperson didn't tell me about that charge or it's impossible to go out and not buy a round of drinks. You cannot seriously expect me to feel anything resembling pity because you'd rather talk on your cell phone about your job woes than find something better. Or turn down the heat, off the tv and rent out a room rather than lose your home.

This is America and you have the unalienable right to complain until you're blue in the face and still broke. And I have the right to walk away from your lazy a$$, go to my third job of the day and secure my financial future. No, you cannot borrow money.

A little update from me, spent the afternoon at the police station and had so much fun! Met a great man I'm featuring for my newspaper (married with three kids so no wild idea you meddling ladies! ) and can't wait to write up this feature. Arranged for time off of job #2 to host the Sacramento meeting next Saturday and then came home to sketch up my business report for the freelance job. Best news of the day is a month with turning the heat off (and only on when it was below 50* inside) paid off with a gas and electric bill that is down 60% over last month! I did a little happy dance on the front lawn. Yes, my neighbors fear me.

reeneejune - 02/18/09 10:43 PM

I'm joining startsmart on the soapbox...Why in bloody h3ll are the people in prison/jail eating better than I am?!? Why are they not required to work in order to pay back their debt to society? Not just in restitution for their crimes and the cost of the legal system, but for their care and upkeep while in prison? And before anyone berates me for this stance, I'd just like to say that my dear brother, whom I love dearly, currently resides in the Oregon State Pen. He would LOVE to be learning a new skill and learning to be a productive member of society...yet he can't. These people should be farming their own food and selling the excess. Or better yet, donating the extra to the deserving poor.

(DBrother has learned his lesson and will not be meddling with any non-legal substances in the forseeable future. He's a good guy who just never really had much of a chance...)

SES_Books - 02/18/09 10:50 PM

I hate to say that for the past several decades the society of this country have fostered the entitlement attitude and lack of responsibility. Maybe it started after WWII when the parents of the baby boomers who have come through the Great Depression and a war wanted only the best for their children. We lived in a golden time and were pampered. Then our children were pampered and spoiled not only by family but society too. Many Americans never grew out of that pampered, spoiled existence. There are few who did. Therefore, responsibility is a rare quality. Does any of this make sense.

3catslady - 02/19/09 12:08 AM

Hi all, just got this in an e-mail from a friend and I thought I'd pass it along. I don't know if this person really existed or not but here it is.

from Dr Adrian Rogers of Bellevue Baptist Church, Memphis, Tennessee.

You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not take from somebody else.

When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is about the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.

Boy does this make sense or what.

startsmart - 02/19/09 09:59 AM

sapphire- I have nothing against the scouts (bought a few boxes myself) it's just her attitude that money doesn't matter, she'll do what she wants and buy what she wants regardless that blew me away. This is the same chick that told us not to give her presents for a wedding we're not invited to, just money for her honeymoon. Really? Why don't I just pay off your credit card out of the goodness of my heart? Since you are getting married and all...

sapphire12 - 02/19/09 10:26 AM

startsmart -- Why would someone expect a contribution on their behalf to anything from anyone they didn't invite?! This person would have long ago received a verbal slap from me. I have a disdain for people making their private affairs my need to know news!! She still helped the scouts, even though she herself is hopeless, though she is NOT alone in her thinking.




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nitza19 - 02/18/09 10:12 PM

So it has become clear to me that this one particular parent at my school will, after having any conversation with me, immediately hang up and call my supervisor. She is perfectly pleasant on the phone with me, very gracious and thankful for everything I do, but then later I will get an email from him about "can I do x instead". And 'x' is something insignificant, too. But she didn't bring up any problem to me, or question anything, in fact she seemed delighted. It's like when your kid asks you, and you say no, and they politely say okay, and then they leave and go ask dad instead. Exactly like that. And you know why? Because he caved before, and he caves again each time. He needs to say, "I'm sure nitza would be fine with that - you should give her a call about it!" etc. He needs to draw the #$^%^$$ line! This is so ridiculous! I feel paranoid about everything I say, even if she seems happy, I feel like I'm being tattled on, and I feel completely ineffective. But you know what I DON'T feel? Supported. Backed up. Authoritative. He is consistently undermining my authority at my own campus and it's stupid!! Sorry, /rant. Back to reading.

My_Gal - 02/18/09 10:25 PM

nitza, (and any/all other soapboxers) don't worry! Venting online saves you doing it in person Far more dangerous, especially when you vent to the boss or offender! Plus, I don't know about the others, but I often enjoy reading a good rant because it's often something I've thought of myself, but generally much better wording than I could come up with.

Honeylioness - 02/18/09 10:41 PM

nitza - I have dealt employees and customers like that parent you are having issues with. One of the ways to defuse this is to let her know, clearly, that you know what she is up to and doing. So I have a suggestion. The next time you have a conversation with her slip in a comment towards the end of the conversation like:

"Well Ms. Smith, I am glad we had a chance to talk about this. Oh, and just to save you some time I made some notes about what we have talked about and I will send it to Mr. Jones now - so you don't have to repeat everything we spoke of."

If she persisted or gets snippy my response would be along the lines of:

"I am sorry you are displeased. We try very hard here at Be-Accountable-U to teach the students that tattling seeking favoritism and not being direct with others is not acceptable behavior. As you seem to feel the need to constantly go behind my back for special favors for your child might I suggest you save a step and just contact the Administrator? Of course he does not have day to day contact with little Johnny like I do - but I am sure he has the spare time to speak to you. Now, if you will excuse me - I need to prepare for my next class, since that IS what I do best - teach"

THEN I would be sending a rather direct message to the Spineless One:

You know Bob, I feel that this situation with Mrs. Smith is creating tension between you and I. May I ask why I am asked to grant her child special consideration? I feel as though she plays us against each other and would like to talk to you about how we can better work together to present a united position. I feel as though my judgment and skills are being consistently second guessed. I am also concerned about the message this is sending to Johnny, that if he is not perfect or live up to his parent's expectations that his "mommy" will always step in and make things the way she wants.

Anyway, just my two cents

SES_Books - 02/18/09 10:58 PM

Honeylioness--Are you sure you were not a teacher in a previous life? Maybe a nun in a catholic school? I sure wouldn't want to go up against you.

Nitza--do like she says.

nitza19 - 02/19/09 12:48 AM

SES, Honeylioness - unfortunately, I can't go that route and get b!tchy with the mom. It is smarter for me to be as soothing and caring to her as possible and handle it on the back end. I plan on starting that tomorrow ("I just wanted your advice... how do you think I could try to "improve" (minus the snarky sarcastic quotes) in my dealings with x so that you don't have to get bothered with these phone calls all the time?") and following up with a sit-down meeting with him on Friday (after a training meeting we're having, ironically, on grading) and making clear how I do not want this situation to affect his view of me as an educator OR a manager, and how it is making me feel: paranoid, ineffective, and not supported.

That I want him to be able to believe in me and stand behind me, both as an educator AND as an independent manager, so that my authority is not constantly undermined and my professional dedication is not constantly questioned. I think it is important that he know that, because I don't think he does. I am not sure he understands that he is, in fact, not standing behind me (or that that's even going on), and I am almost completely positive that he does not understand how his actions have made me feel like he does not trust in my educational judgment or management skills.

He should have said the equivalent of "Now, son, you heard what your mother said. You can't just come ask me because you don't like the answer." Then again he SHOULD have said that in the first place. But I digress. Either way (or "irregardless," as one of my colleagues would say), I need to be calm, professional, and supportive, but also be clear and not be a wet noodle. I need to let him know what I need from him as a supervisor in order to accurately and effectively do my job. *nods* I will be much better at laying that all out clearly tomorrow morning when I am not seething with rage.

GLDNLUVLY - 02/19/09 10:40 AM

Honey-I like your response to nitza. I'd go so far as to put Mrs. Smith on hold, get Bob and put her on speaker phone or conference call.

nitza19 - 02/19/09 03:38 PM

gldn - if only our phones were advanced enough to do conference calls I just decided I'm going to tell him things and have him do the communicating with her. It's only about one more month of classes with the kid anyway.



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nitza19 - 02/19/09 01:18 AM

Ok so I don't know if it's my dumbface supervisor, entitled kids, helicopter moms, welfare abusers, poor in need who can't GET welfare, a-holes without responsibility, whiners who say they "CAN'T" when they really just WON'T, delusional mothers who can't possibly care adequately for their 14 babies, wasteful corporate a-holes who get away with it, giant political-party-line BABIES, or the general economic freak out....

(hint: maybe it is all of the above)

.... but I am feeling really depressed at the moment and I HATE that. So let's all post something optimistic.

I'll start.

My wonderful, giving mother, who teaches personal responsibility, manners, rules AND consequences to generations of daycare kids (and who keeps trying to teach the same to my d.ope of a brother, lol) just finally got to go to Hawaii for the first time in her life. She got a great group rate by going with the square dancing troupe she and my Dad belong to (nope, not joking), and she sent me a gigantically (word?) rotund hula dancing dashboard dude for my car. It is absolutely the ugliest thing I have ever seen, and I doubt that I could even put it in my car because I might dissolve into gales of laughter and drive off the road every time I saw it. To top it all off, not only did she pay for the whole trip in cash, but she got to take an extra payment I made to the Bank of Mom for additional fun money. I'm paying off debt (because I am responsible!), she got to have fun with a bit of a windfall (as a result of generosity helping someone in need who couldn't qualify for government help), and most importantly, someone who is actively making the world better in her own little way and doing what she's supposed to do actually got something awesome for once!

[Honeylioness]

19 February 2009


Honeylioness - 02/19/09 12:56 PM

Reading: I devoured all the Nancy Drews I could get my hands on, loved the Jalna series by Mazo de la Roche, Pippy Longstocking and The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe series. But cannot remember getting into other series of books. I have always read above my "grade level" according to my teachers. I recall reading Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights at about 10 or 11, followed the next year by Gone with the Wind and around 13 I discovered Frank Yerby - pirates and maidens to be rescued on the high seas.

I have always had eclectic taste in reading material and used to go in "jags" (my mom's term). By that I mean I would prowl the shelves of the library and if something caught my attention I would be focused on that for weeks. Castle construction and forms, history of the early Celts, British Royal Family, the settlement of Australia, various Native American Tribes, early colonial history, timeline of textiles, biographies, dragons and other mythical creatures, or antique furniture. Keep in mind I started this habit in Junior High and all through college, and yes even today, I get interested in something and will immerse myself for weeks in reading everything I can get my hands on. In between I revert back to what I call "mental sorbet" (aka romance novels)

[Honeylioness]

19 February 2009


Debt Diva

HELP!!! Okay, I know I am on the little yellow bus, but can someone talk to me about craigslist. I have never used it before, but I see something on there i want. Do I just send an email to the person who's selling it and just make arrangements to buy it? Do they use paypal? Are their any horror stories I should be aware of? Do I have to sign up to use it?

Sharing the Simple Lifestyle

Debt Diva, So glad you asked that craigslist question. I've wanted to know, too.

SingleMom - Ky

Craigslist – I have used it before. I actually got my television on CL when I moved into my house. I got a 32” almost new tv for under $200. How you communicate is dependent upon the ad – some people ask that you call the number they have posted some only have the email link provided by CL. You can email/call for specifics and then if you like it, they like and you agree on a price you discuss pickup/delivery. I like that it is local.

Honeylioness

Debt Diva - You are NOT on the short bus, stop that! What Smokey posted is primarily how it works. Most posters offering an item for sale want you to click on the Reply to: link at the top of each message. I have bought and sold things there before, and there is no charge to the site to do either. And unlike a message board you do not need to "register" to use the site.

When I see something I can use or need I send an e-mail to the person, ask for additional details or photos if these were missing, and sign it with my first name only. Once you and the seller contact each other you work out a day and time that is convenient for both and be sure the price is agreed to before hand in writing (e-mail).

Being the very cautious person I am, I rarely give out my phone number or last name. And when going to someone's home to pick up an item will try to bring another person with me. To date I have had no problems, but better safe than sorry.

As to payment - I have found the majority of sellers want cash, some will take a check but not many. I would NOT do business with anyone who asked me to use PayPal in advance as that smells of a scam to me. I have not used Craigslist in a while, but have found some real deals in the past - my loveseat was practically brand new and only cost $100, and I found a queen size 4-poster bed made of walnut (weighs a TON) that I only paid $135 for.

reeneejune

Debt Diva – about craigslist. Yes, you just email them, though keep in mind the item may have already sold and they haven’t gotten around to taking the ad down yet. Payment type is generally up to the seller. Though I would caution you not to pay by check…identity theft and all of that. However you pay, make sure you get a receipt from the seller. And depending on the type of item, I might and go have a look at it, jot down a serial # or identifying piece of info and check with the local police to make sure it’s not "hot". And no signing up needed to use craigslist!

BTW- I sold most of my furniture through CL when I downsized. Worked out pretty well. Be prepared to do some bargaining with the seller. Oh, and I would set up a temp email addy at a free service. When you fill out the registration don’t put in your last name, just an initial. That way if the person is a whako they don’t have your full name or your real email address.

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reeneejune - 02/19/09 10:58 PM

Don't know why this struck me as funny tonight, but I thought you ladies would see the humor in it too.

When I was 10 or 11 my grandpa on my dad's side passed away. It wasn't a huge loss for me, I'd only met the man once and I NEVER heard anything positive about him anyway. There were a few nice things in his possession when he passed, and what didn't get sold to pay funeral costs was divvyed up between his three kids, my dad, my aunt and my uncle. Our share of this windfall? Two rings which were supposed to be given to my sister and I (but my dad sold them before I even got a look at them) and a coffee can full of worthless money.

Worthless money, you ask?! Surely I jest. But it's true. It's full of money from countries that were defeated in WWII. I somehow managed to get away with it when I left home, probably because I was the only one even remotely interested in it. I had it appraised, and sure enough, it's worthless. There's one coin that's worth maybe $60, but the rest of it might as well be scrap metal and recycled paper.

What's so funny? I just thought you know, it's just paper (in a very non-octomom sort of way). This paper has no control over me. Neither does the plastic in my wallet. I'm in charge here. Not Money. Money might as well be another fictional character like Murphy that I learn to boot to the curb at whim. What's important here is my life. I'm not letting Money control where I work. I'm doing work that I love that never feels like work. Some days it feels like a challenge, but never like work. And I'm not letting Money dictate how I live.

Hehehe the image of a gigantic dollar bill and/or credit card with legs, arms and a face getting kicked out of a house into the night got me to giggling.

Ok, so that was kind of a pointless ramble...

[Honeylioness]

20 February 2009


Red2Black2011

Morning Ladies,

SES: I keep telling you to stay on that Soapbox. I finally heard Santelli's comments and he is speaking for the 90% of us who are being responsible. He was also on the Today show and he reminded me of Jim Cramer. I like Ross's suggestion that there be some sort of litmus test. Something along the lines that even if we lower the interest rate to 2% or lets be generous and lower it to 0%, if the person still can't afford the house then they don't get saved. I really like the suggestion of putting to a vote on the web. Lets put all the decisions to a vote on the web. Give the banks more tarp money - No. Implement the new Credit Card rules in June 2009 instead of 2010 - Yes.

www.cnbc.com/id/29283225

[Honeylioness]

21 February 2009

Honeylioness

nitza - I apologize if my comments the other day about the problem parent came across as snarky and sarcastic. I did not mean to offend. I just have seen too many people I know put up with such situations at work and in their personal life not to have some very strong opinions about standing up for yourself.

teh mom - I had to smile at your story about you and the family laughing in the casket room. What WOULD the deceased need a drawer for? A clean pair of socks? A CD changer? Perhaps a supply of unread books? Okay, now I am getting silly.

When Papa died and myself, Mom and Uncle were in the casket room we looked at all the options there and it was weridly quiet because no one was saying anything. But we all kept glancing to a simple out-ot-he way "box" set high on a shelf. Finally my Uncle pointed to it and said "You know, Dad grew up in the Depression and he would be beating us silly if we did not take the most economical choice". I laughed because he was SO right. Papa would have had a fit! So we chose what in essence was a re-inforced cardboard container. Since he has chosen cremation we could almost hear him yelling at us "DUH!!! Spend $3K for something you are going to roast marshmallows over - give me a break"

Thank you Papa - for teaching me by example that what matters is not the cost of things, or how it looks to others, but family and integrity and love. I still miss you so much.

HappyCat - long ago I worked with a woman a bit like HELLER who could be incredibly "catty". One day a co-worker walked over to her desk when she was on one of her tirades and without a word set down a packet of Moist Meals cat food, then turned to walk away. The woman just stopped in mid-rant and stared at it. He calmly looked at her and said "Well, if you're going to be that catty I figured you needed something to eat. Perhaps next time I should bring a can of Alpo?" There was silence for about 30 seconds then someone started to snicker, then the whole office erupted into laughter - well, except for the demon woman. But she finally got the point. Not saying you should try this, just thought the mental image would make you laugh the next time Heller goes "postal".

supersaver - a cure for baby fever? Hmmmmmmm. I get a case of that also at the sight of a newborn, it gets worse if you hold one - I think it is contagious and they are carriers. I agree with others you should borrow someone elses teething baby for a weekend. Or volunteer at a church nursery on Sunday's. That worked for me for quite a while.

Muttley - I SO want to be you when I grow up! I will try not to be envious and instead just give you a high five (and NO - not to the face ) and a rose

R2B2 - Thank you. I have always been good at organizing information. It's nice to have a place where folks appreciate it.

Nicknames - GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I had one growing up and never liked it. I finally broke my family of the habit and would never even tell others what it was. With one exception - Papa. I tried as a teenager to make him stop, but as an adult realized for him it was a real term of endearment. so only he was allowed to use it. I do remember telling my family though after the funeral that any and all rights to use that name had died with the last registered user.

reeneejune - To help loosen the cough, especially before you go to bed, try this. Go into the bathroom and run the hot water at full tap. when steam is rising from the faucet take a large towel and form a "tent" over your head and the basin. Inhale deeply the rising steam. When you start coughing bring up as much mucus as you can and spit it out. Do this for about five minutes. It should help clear up any phlegm blockages so the medicine can work more effectively and it should make it more comfortable to sleep.

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Honeylioness

kath74 - Regarding your post about my desire for children. Yes, I have thought about becoming a single parent. I have contacted the State Department of Child Services, went to the orientation, even had the home visit. I even considered artificial insemination. Then I put it all on hold because in all honesty it scares the H3LL out of me.

Not the being pregnant or giving birth aspect, or even the learning curve with a young child taken from their birth parents. I talked with my parents about my considering adoption, this was for one large reason. My Father was raised in the Deep South by parents either of whom went past the sixth grade, and his mother who is still alive is not the most "tolerant" woman when it comes to those who do not think, act or look like she does. The reality is that most of the children up for adoption with DSHS are of mixed races and ethnicities. They have emotional issues due to their situations and some have physical challenges the birth parents may not have been able to handle. I wanted to know if this would create a problem with my Father if he acquired such a grandchild.

Thank God for my Mother however. She has managed to "civilize" him more than I understood in the 40+ years they have been married. When added to his years in the military and our not having lived in the South since I was 11 months old - I learned that he too is often embarrassed by his mother's narrow mindedness. And I was told by my parents that a child is a blessed gift to be cherished and love - no matter how it comes into your life.

No - what scares me the most is the cost and my limited support system. I live in Massachusetts, my parents are just outside of Seattle, Washington and my brother and his family are in Mesa, Arizona. There is no back up if I get really sick and need someone to come take my child to school, or the doctor, or make dinner. I also feel as though there is no way I can really afford to raise a child on just my salary. I see those articles about how much it costs to feed, clothe, and diaper a baby. Then there is daycare and school fees - I look at my budget and cannot see how I could possibly find $1K or more a month to pay for all of that.

I really never imagined when I was in my 20s that I would be in this place at this age. But there it is. I could play a lot of "what if" scenarios - but that would serve no useful purpose.

Okay - enough of the "woe is me" stuff. Oh wait - I spoke too soon. It's cold and windy and icky outside and I don't wanna go out there or even finish getting dressed. I am supposed to go to the post office, the grocery store, get gas for the truck and a birthday gift for my niece. but I don't wanna !!!! ... I want to stay inside and not be a responsible adult today and just be a slug and let everyone else worry about stuff.

Sometimes this being an adult thing really ****.

MuttleynFelix - 02/20/09 07:35 PM

Ok with DH's last paycheck including severance and leave paid out, plus our refunds all coming in; I was able to finish what I started when we sold the house: we have 6 months of unreduced expenses in the BANK (and we can reduce our expenses by quite a bit if we had to)! Now in a separate fund, our "variable" expense fund I put $1000 (in addition to $1000 we have in there). And then I put $1500 in our wish list fund (for vacation & furniture & and all those other joys). I know we are going to have to touch the EF to pay off some of DH's medical bills and I know he wanted more money put aside for ummmm... "fun stuff". But at the moment I am going to revel in having my EF "fully" funded. I know "they say" now you should have more like 8 or 9 months, but with 2 of us we have more of a safety net than others. Plus my paycheck almost covers all of our bills and my paycheck + unemployment means that I am going to try to continue funding our retirement accounts. DH might have a side job to work tomorrow (already). Anyway, YEAH US!

MuttleynFelix - 02/21/09 01:18 PM

Honeylioness - So you want to be the nerdy girl who on every trip or vacation looks at culverts and creeks and talks about the hydrology and hydraulics of it all. You are crazy. I spend family get togethers with my dad and brother talking about engineering projects. OK, I do know what you mean. I got to tell you there has been some (ok a lot) of luck involved. I would guess most people my age didn't graduate from college debt free. That was 100% thanks to my parents, they started saving from the time we were born for us to go to college. I made mistakes, but my parents gave me a good springboard so that the trials of the last 2 years have just been setbacks and I think that the trials of the last 2 years have made my DH and I a stronger couple. We could handle getting a check for $20k and put it into savings (yes every bit of it, same with my bonus last year).

[Honeylioness]

Your Best Savings Tips for 2009

MP Dunleavey - 02/22/09 01:22 PM

OK, I know--do we talk about anything else, really? No. But these roundup threads of everyone's top savings tips are always so helpful. And given that this year is going to get harder before it gets easier, let's all share the wealth, so to say! If I can quote you, please email me at [e-mail].

My favorite money-saving tips right now are:

1) Read through your bank statement with your spouse or a money buddy and track 3 big spending areas: groceries, gas, eating out, clothing, whatever. It's amazing how much info is in ONE bank statement. And as you read out each charge for Sunoco or Safeway, and your partner tallies each category on the calculator, you're totally going to have an OMG moment. And that's what helps me save!

2) Stay Out Of Stores. SOOS. Stay Away From Stores. SAFS. Pick your mantra and stick with it. You can't spend if you don't enter the halls of commerce!

***********************************

Honeylioness - 02/23/09 11:11 AM

Some of these may be repeats of other's comments, however here is my list:

1) Money: I never spend coins. All change is placed in a container in my kitchen that I roll every few months. Even with my cut back in spending at all I accumulate $200-$400 a year that I use for either Christmas gifts or towards my airline ticket to see my parents.

2) Statements: I always check bank and credit card statements to be sure I recognize the charge, occassionally some unknown "processing fee" or "warranty program" slips in because many companies purposely don't make it easy to know when you are defaulting to a sign-up mode.

3) Grocery store: I have several guidelines that work well.

• Always work off a list
  
• Never go when you are hungry
  
• Coupons yes, but also check the store's bulletin board for any additional savings or rebates.
  
• Buy in season. Sure it would be great to have fresh blueberries in January - but not at $6-7 a pint.
  
• Buy whole poultry and cut it up and debone it yourself. This can save $3+ per pound than buying it already deboned.

4) Track: Keep a small notebook in your purse or briefcase and write down EVERY cent you spend for one month. This really helps bring into focus just where you are spending your money. And it's hard to rein this in if you have no idea where the areas are to be watched.

5) Plant: Grow what you can. I have containers on my front and back decks with simple herbs: garlic, dill, basil, oregano and mint. At the end of the season I dry the leaves and use them almost the rest of the year until the next planting season. Much cheaper than what you spend at the grocery store for herbs that are who knows how old.

6) Stores: Get over the idea that second-hand or used are dirty words. Freecyle.org, Craigslist, thrift stores and rummage sales can be great places to find gently used items that still have a lot of use and life in them. Cookware can be cleaned, furniture can be painted and by changing the buttons on a boring white blouse you can have a designer looking garment for a few dollars.

7) Stock-up: Consider buying in bulk. While this is not always the cheapest option, and some people may have issues with storage. There are really good deals to be had at warehouse stores.

For instance: At Costco I can get a 44 lb "cube" of their in-house brand scoopable cat litter for $8.50 - that's about $0.19 a pound. Even at discount stores 20 pounds of the same product will run you about $10-$11 - or $0.50-$0.55 a pound.

Now considering that I have three indoor cats I buy three to four cubes at a time and figured out that over a year I am saving over $150 a year just in cat litter, negating the $44 membership fee. I also buy the large quantities of paper towels and toilet paper. If you are not able to store 36 rolls of TP go in with a friend and split it. Not everything there though is a real bargain, but once you know what is in your area the savings can really accumulate.

8) Meals: Plan out your meals for a week so when you are shopping you are only purchasing what you will need for that week.

9) Freezer: If you have the room invest in a small or regular sized freezer. Mine is about 4 ft high and sits in my pantry. That way when the store puts frozen O.J. on sale at two for one - you can throw in a few extra cans into the freezer.

10) Clothes: For years I have made my own laundry detergent, primarily because I find it is gentler on fabric than most commercial blends, also it has no dyes and no fragrance. Average cost for a load $0.09. When I do use the dryer I have a jar with fabric softener in it and several re-cycled fabric sheets soaking in it. Take one out - wring it almost dry and toss it in. Much cheaper than using a new fabric sheet all the time.

I also installed in my laundry room a five line retractable close-line. From March to about November I rarely use my clothes dryer and will instead hang all my laundry. This room also houses the furnace so even in the late fall clothes are dry in a day. Plus, it is the dryer that really ages fabrics, so I feel as though I am extending the life of my garments - especially items with elastic like underwear.

11) Maintenance: Don't try to save money by being "cheap". Changing the oil in your car, cleaning the vents and grill of the fridge, yearly cleaning and inspection of the furnace - all these things can save you hundreds or thousands down the line.

Just a quick example. The woman who owns the condo/townhouse next to me has rented it out for several years. Her last tenents moved out in December and because she wanted to save some money while looking for new ones she did not turn the heat back on or even come to the unit for over a month. Even when the daily temps were barely making it into double digits. As could be predicted - the pipes froze and burst and flooded all three stories of the unit before it could be shut off. So in trying to "save" herself perhaps $100-$200 dollars over a two month period, she is now looking at $40,000+ to gut the entire unit and replace floors, drywall, cabinets, ceilings etc. Oh, and of COURSE she had no insurance because, and I quote, "But I don't live here I only rent it - why would I need insurance?"

12) Pick-your-own: Many areas have one or more PYO farms and orchards. Your State's website under agriculture should be able to provide you a listing. Every year I pick my own strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, apples and pears. The berries I turn into jams and other goodies for gifts and my own use. but they are also extremely easy to freeze.

Line a cookie sheet with a piece of waxed or parchment paper. Lay the berries in a single even layer then pop the sheet into the freezer overnight. Next morning transfer them to a re-sealable freezer bag or container then into my second freezer they go. I have "fresh" berries all winter long at a fraction of the price I would pay for them at the store, even in season. I also can my own pears and applesauce. Neither of which is as hard as people think. Not only does it taste better than store bought but there are no preservatives and I can control the amount of sugar.

13) Repair: A lot of household items can be easily repaired with some simple tools and a little time. Instead of throwing out that lamp that is constantly short circuiting and burning out bulbs - pick up a kit from the hardware store and re-wire it. You only need a bit of patience, a screwdriver, pliers and the ability to read directions.

14) Get re-acquainted with your local library. Many people have either forgotten the pleasures of reading, or don't realize that the library also has CDs and DVDs to lend.


Honeylioness - 02/25/09 10:19 AM

I knew I was forgetting one of my biggest pet-peeve money wasters!

BOTTLED WATER .... WHY?

Leaving aside the myth it is healthier, since the majority of companies use the local municipal water source. And ignoring the negative environmental impact of all those plastic bottles clogging our waterways and landfills. Let's just consider the nickles and dimes of the matter.

If you feel you really cannot drink the tap water at your house - but a filter. Some attach under the sink, some at the faucet - or even get one that sits in your refrigerator (like a Britta). You can get these for anywhere from $30-$130 dollars depending on how large it is. Then invest in several re-usable water bottles that can be tossed into the dishwasher and bring your own. This Chart shows the comparative costs of several brands of filters. www.waterfiltercomparisons.com/water_filter_comparison.php?d=gp

So let's take one of the under the sink models - the GE. Total cost for one year of clean filtered water $200 - that's averaging on the basis of 1,000 gallons. 1 gallon = 64 ounces so 64,000 ounces of water.

Average price for twelve pack of 8 oz bottles of Poland Spring water is $2.99 - a total of 96 ounces.

64,000 / 96 = 667 cases of water x $2.99/case = $1,993.33

Just on the math alone bottled water makes no sense to me - just something to think about.

*****************************************

From: MP Dunleavey <[e-mail]>
To: <[e-mail]>
Subject : RE: Your Best Savings Tips for 2009
Date : Tue, Feb 24, 2009 02:39 PM

honeylioness! thank you for contributing so many great ideas. i would like to use your real name, or perhaps a first name and an initial? if that's ok with you, pls let me know where you live.

also, i am doing two saving stories: one for MSN and one for Parenting. (hey, everyone wants to know how to cut back!). may i quote you in one or both? it's up to you!

again, your ideas were awesome. i was really hoping that you would email me!

cheers,

Mia

[Honeylioness]

21 February 2009

SES_Books - 02/21/09 10:47 PM

Did you hear about the man who planned his funeral in every detail and gave his wife very explicit details of what she was to do. Now he had been a very frugal, almost parsimonious, man all his life. His last instruction was to empty all of his sizeable accounts so he could take it with him (maybe he had a drawer in the casket). The day before the funeral she transferred everything into their joint account to honor his wishes. At the funeral the pastor saw her slip an envelope into the casket.

After a few days he made a home visit to the widow and saw her luggage by the door and said he would be brief. They visited a few minutes and as he left he mentioned he had seen her put a last message in the casket and commented on how lovely it was of her to send a letter off with her husband. Her reply was "That was no letter, it was a check since he wanted to take all of his money with him."


****************************

24 February 2009

Lolly2858 - 02/24/09 09:01 AM

I'd like to begin cooking/preparing meals and freezing for future meals. This is something that I've never done. My problem is mostly the freezing part. When I freeze things, it usually ends up tasting as though it's been in the freezer. Is there a proper way to freeze foods? What's the best containers/bags/wrap to use? Are those vacuum sealer things worthwhile?

Example: I usually buy a 5lb package of ground beef. I immediately brown all of it, drain it, and allow it to cool. Then I place it in little baggies - about one pound per baggie. That way - sloppy joes, spaghetti, chili, enchiladas, etc are all much quicker to make with the ground beef already browned. Again, for some reason, it always tastes as though it's been in the freezer. Should I be freezing it in something other than sandwich bags? I pull everything out of the freezer and clean it every-so-often and I make sure to keep an opened box of baking soda in there. Not sure what the problem is (or even if there is a problem - others don't seem to taste the freezer, just me). When I freeze 5lbs of ground beef and the meat pulled from 2 whole chickens, it's more than enough meat to last us almost a month excluding days that we have fish or eat out. Is a month too long? Maybe I'm trying to save it too long?

I'd like to begin freezing for future meals on a larger scale, but am hesitant because of the freezer-taste problem.

Suggestions?

Honeylioness - 02/24/09 09:33 AM

I freeze many different items: flours, meats, berries, sauces - and have not encountered the "freezer" taste you refer to. It may be that the bags you are using are so-called "air permeable" which means that they can allow mild freezer burn or transfter or smells from one food to another. For long term - (i.e. more than a month) - storage it really is worth it to invest in a box of double sealed freezer specific zip lock bags. I actually use mine several times as they wash well.

What you might be noticing is that frozen meats can re-heat and seem a bit "drier" than if you had cooked it fresh. I would recommend not cooking it to well before you freeze it, and leave some of the fat with the meat. Then when you re-heat it you will not be further "overcooking" it and making it taste too dry or stale. You can blot any excess grease at this time.

Cooking foods before freezing actually makes better sense in terms of time as reheating is faster than thawing and cooking frozen meats.

I don't think a month is too long for even raw meats. I have kept large salmon steaks in the freezer for 4 months and with proper re-thawing they were just fine.

These two links are some of the best sites I have found for freezing guidelines: The USDA www.fsis.usda.gov/FactSheets/Focus_On_Freezing/index.asp and Health Goods www.healthgoods.com/Education/nutrition_information/Food_Safety_and_Storage/food_storage_guidelines.htm

Good Luck!


*************************************

Honeylioness

One of the reasons I like taking pictures of unusual shapes and subjects is that I never know when I will want or need one of those images for a quilt design.

SES_Books: Honey--OK, i'll bite. Why are there buttons on the men's jacket sleeves? Doesn't everyone take pictures of falling down barns and twisty trees?

Okay, remember you asked for it!!

Popular legend has it that either Napoleon the I or Frederick the Great of Prussia ordered that buttons and braid be put around the cuffs of their men’s uniforms as a deterrent. Seemingly they had seen men using their very expensive wool uniforms to wipe their noses on the sleeves and they were so disgusted they figured adding such embellishments would stop this practice.

The reality though is that buttons on men’s coat sleeves goes back to the mid-17th century when the fabrics were so costly that it became a matter of practicality to have a means to get the fabric up out of your food or other things. The cuffs were made extra wide and full so they could easily be folded back on themselves then buttoned in place to keep them out of the soup. Ever time this fashion devolved until only the presence of the buttons remains.

The other known use for them is that sleeves were cut narrower in the late 17th and early 18th century – so the vertical line of buttons allowed a man to slide the jacket on then button the sleeve to get the sleek look fashion dictated at the time.

***************************

Sharing the Simple Lifestyle - 02/24/09 09:16 AM

SES_, Happy to oblige! You're talkin' my language!

Market orders: The bid and ask at the second you enter your order. Don't do "market."

Limit orders: The bid you want to make, i.e. $.20 below last price. Do "limit."

Day order: Your bid is good until the regular close of markets @4:00pm. Do "day order."

Good 'til cancelled: Your bid is open for days until your price hits. Do only if going on vacation.

Fill or kill: Your total share bid, i.e. 400 can be filled, or none are filled. Less common now.

On the open, on the close: Used by large lot institutional traders.

Cancelled: You change your mind. You cancel. You own any "fills" already traded with that order. Use cancel a LOT. Your cancel will show as "historical." You are free to make a new order.

Jim Cramer's BP recommend made sense to me, also. I also like Devon Energy.

[Honeylioness]

24 February 2009


moneycentral.msn.com/community/message/thread.asp?board=womeninred&threadid=971427&boardname=Hide&header=SearchOnly&footer=Show&linktarget=_parent&pagestyle=money1


keriamon - 02/24/09 06:29 PM

Lent starts tomorrow (Wed Feb 25). This is something that we did on the board last year and a number of people participated. You don't have to be Catholic or even religious to participate in Financial Lent.

What can you do for Financial Lent? Give up eating lunch out? Give up the daily run to Starbucks? Cut more coupons? Lower your grocery bill? Refuse to buy anything that's not a necessity? Start (and maintain) a garden to reduce your grocery bills?

Whatever you chose to do, try and do it for the next 40 days. They say it takes 30 days to establish a habit, so if you make an effort to not buy a coffee every morning between now and Easter, you may find that you forget to add it back into your daily routine when Lent is up. Maybe you find that making and taking your own isn't as much work as you thought, and suffices just as well.

******

Honeylioness - 02/25/09 10:44 AM

How very apropos this thread would show up this year. Most years for Lent I fast one day a week and set aside an amount of money I would have spent on food for that day and give it to a local food bank.

This year I am trying this again. But I have also committed to something larger. I think I need to post this openly so there is some accountability - since if no one knows about it there are no consequences if I mess up

I may be borderline, I mean a bit, just sort of you understand addicted to ....ummm... *gulp* Goodwill and thrift stores. This would not be SO bad except that Goodwill has an online auction site where they offer the nicest things that come in - on a side note, WHO puts a 1.2 carat diamond ring into a Goodwill bin??

Anyway, I seem to find a good amount of my non-bill take home money flowing in this direction. The last several months I have been almost afraid to add it all up. It has gotten to the point that I have a line item and allotment in my monthly budget for it.

So for Lent my goal is this:

• NO checking on new items
  
• Any bids placed on current items will have to stand as is and either get overbid or won
  
• NO new bids submitted
  
• If I do "win" anything I have a current bid on I will of course go pay for that item and arrange for shipping.

*LE SIGH* This may be harder than I think

Once I see just how much this saves me I am hoping that, and the taking a break from the site, will help me be able to use it occasionally without going nuts. ;D

[Honeylioness]

24 February 2009


MittenKitten - 02/24/09 12:47 PM

Question of the Week (QOTW): What to you do when you need a break from everything? Has this changed since joining this board and/or thread?

Challenge of the week(COTW): To do something healthy for yourself. Be it give up soda (pop in my area lol), start exercising more, eat more healthy whatever. Meditate, journal....

Vegas/Savings Challenge: If you are getting a tax refund take some of this and put it in your Vegas or savings fund.

********************

startsmart - 02/24/09 02:55 PM

Most of the time I ignore the talking heads who don't seem to ever address the heart of this economy's problem: stupidity and greed. I don't discriminate, I see it at the business level and in individuals. Possibly the first article I've read that correctly shares my frustration at doing things right and still getting the finger from Washington.

Bottom line, don't turn your back on the system because it's screwed up. Check it out here, it's a MSN article so no blocking this post!

articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/JubaksJournal/5-ways-for-us-chumps-to-fight-back.aspx?page=


Honeylioness - 02/24/09 03:19 PM

QOTW: Sometimes what I feel like I need a break from IS the boards! Not this thread in particular (usually ) but the greater community. Problems and issues I just cannot relate to – probably why I rarely venture over to YM – my B.S.-We-Are-Living-In-Neverland immunizations have expired.

Mostly when I am just feeling overwhelmed and overloaded I tend to isolate more than normal. Not answer the phone, or e-mails or watch the news – but just stay quiet and try to re-center. I cannot say this has changed much in the last year – but this thread does give me at least a place to voice my feelings without having to dig myself a bunker first.

COTW: Interesting this comes up today. My mother was on the phone with me just a couple of hours ago lecturing me gently about being kinder to myself. And as Lent begins tomorrow I have been considering what habit I would like to re-direct this season.

Vegas: Right now all my savings and refund money is in one lump sum. I will sit down this week and make up an allocation list: new vehicle / VQF / Vegas / EF


SES_Books - 02/24/09 03:49 PM

Startsmart--I thought Jim Juback's article was very good too when I read it this morning. I even browsed through some of the comments about it. I was glad to see him write this article. So many are trying to say Rick Santelli's rant last Thursday was just that, a rant with no thought behind it. i think there is a massive amount of taxpayers whose thinking these two gentlemen represent. Jim Juback had an article awhile back about the inevitable decline in our standard of living that was very interesting.

SES_Books - 02/24/09 05:02 PM

RANT AHEAD

I listened to Bernanke talk to the Senate Banking Cmmt. today. Two things caught my attention. One of the senators asked about banks and businesses that are "too big to fail" and asked if maybe some of them aren't "too big to continue". I am getting to the point that I don't understand all the pressure to preserve the value of all of the extreme home values. These are not the value of those homes just the agreed upon sale price. I am becoming more and more convinced the only thing that should be preserved are jobs and a realistic wage. Maybe we should "shut down and reboot" the economy. I know all the slice and dice mortgage backed securities people would squawk, but who promised that ANY investment is 100% safe? One of the things that promote the entitlement attitudes. I suppose I am firming up my jello thinking to become one of Jim Jubak's "chumps" and a participant in the "Chicago Tea Party" Rick Santelli is sponsoring.

The second topic that caught my attention was the issue of financial illiteracy. I propose that all banks and financing agencies would be responsible for a "credit contract seminar" taught by independent agencies/contractors that would be required to be completed and documented before any credit contract could be completed. In this seminar any contract would be examined in detail, actual dollar amounts for payments what the adjustment payments would be through the term of the loan. Income would have to be documented. Basic budgeting would have to be examined. Set a specific % debt limit for all debt. This would be required documentation for any consumer loan--auto, SL, home, HELOC... It would be as critical as FICO scores. Medical catastrophic debt would not be included here. I'll let the Obama team figure that one out.

Sharing the Simple Lifestyle

SES_, Really not sure what to do with Nugget and Nermal. Fly them down to Atlanta? These two regard one mile in a moving vehicle as good reason to phone the SPCA hotline to turn me in. They sound like this: mEoOOOOOWWWWWWWuh...I have visions of ninety trapped flight passengers treated to two hours of the chorus from Dante's Inferno.

**********************************

25 February 2009

Honeylioness - 02/25/09 12:55 PM

Supersaver – R2B2 is correct, the advances made in the last five years for RA and other inflammatory diseases are allowing people to live easier with the condition. Hang in there.

SES – I completely agree with the difference between a home’s Sale Price and it’s VALUE. And shouldn’t the VALUE be that it provides shelter and warmth for you and your family? In my view it is NOT, or should not be, an investment vehicle like a CD or T-Bill. It’s primary purpose is to give me a place to store my “stuff” and protect my neighbors’ sensibilities by giving me a private place to run around naked!!!

Where do you want to meet in Chicago? I can make an effigy of some of my neighbors to toss into the Lake.

Sharing--I agree, Pelosi is the coal in the Christmas stocking.

This just had me on the floor!!!!

Nitza – the gas and electric companies here will not look at balanced billing until you have 12 months of usage with them – just an FYI. I do use this option as I like to know every month what my fixed costs will be. So I wind up “underpaying” for electricity in the Summer when the central air is used, but I also “underpay” in the Winter for my natural gas.

MK – sounds like a nice relaxing weekend. Good for you.

MrsBradford – Sorry about the femi-nazi boss. May I recommend that you document each and every time you ask to meet with her, to review your procedures, etc. e-mail would be best. Otherwise these types of petty tyrants try to turn things around and make it seem as though it is all YOUR fault that she does not “get it”. I would also take the time to write out, step by step, daily procedures, monthly ones, quarterly – whatever. Let her know they are on a shared computer drive, or in a notebook or whatever. Again, it deflates any “Why didn’t you tell me?” snipes.

To protect yourself keep a running list of everything you DO in a day. Example: Research on tax code (2 hrs), setting up review meeting (45 min) Completing report on customer Y (3 hours). A lot of managers, even good ones, seriously underestimate just how long things should take and having a reality time check never hurts.

Additionally, NO-ONE has to tolerate being treated like excrement – I don’t care who she is, or thinks she is. If you consistently get snipes, rudeness, denigrating comments on your work or other negative comments you must bring it to the attention of either HR or her supervisor.

Sharing – Nancy Pelosi aka Piranha in Pumps. She is one scary broad. I always get the feeling that her cousins Guido and Vinnie are never far away, ready to break the knee caps of anyone who gets in her way. I know women in Washington want to get away from the boring blue or black suits – since color will get you attention. But honestly – putrid green? HELLOOOOOO …. You are on National Television and directly behind the POTUS – did ya think no one would SEE you? She should have not hurried to get it out of K-Mart Lay-A-Way.

That brings me to H.C. – RME – what can I say. Another of the PIPs. Often my thought is that women wear these neon colors, or men a garish tie, so that when the camera pans them they still “stand out”. We get it HC – you’re Secretary of State. You can relax now and please, burn that orange thing you wore last fall. Our S of S should NOT look as though she a part in the school’s autumn play as a Jack-O-Lantern

Biden. Another who I think likes attention. Even negative attention. I agree he looks a bit like that old cartoon character Droopy sometimes.


I think that R2B2 is more accurate though. In the past month or so he has made some rather off the wall comments and gaffes. I think someone spoke to him and told him to say nothing and look Vice-Presidential. To me he looked more uncomfortable than bored.

Startsmart – so sweet about your grandfather’s care and concern for his wife.

Nitza – this is what makes all of us so unique and special. You would listen to the President read the phone book – but I have to focus hard on just the words since his voice, cadence and mannerisms for me are akin to fingernails on a chalkboard.

Reeneejune and startsmart – don’t get me started on family expectations. Fortunately for me not my immediate nuclear family – but the family at large. And I DO mean “At Large”. My dad is the oldest of 12 and I think I have 28 first cousins – hard to remember. There was a rumor circulating in this side of the family for a while that I was gay. THAT one took me by surprise. Finally got a relative to tell me why they thought so. Seems to have originated with my grandmother. See, at the time I was just over 30 years old, not married, not living with anyone (i.e. a man), not pregnant, no children (regardless of whether I had been married or it was a one night stand or whether the guy was even still around), college educated, not relying on money from Daddy or running to the family to fix the disaster that is my life (and yes, I have cousins like this). Add to that my having NO addictions to chemicals or alcohol, liking museums and the opera – and my red-neck relatives concluded this somehow must mean I did not like men.

Families: Keeping therapists in business since 10,000 B.C.

Really not sure what to do with Nugget and Nermal. Fly them down to Atlanta? These two regard one mile in a moving vehicle as good reason to phone the SPCA hotline to turn me in. They sound like this: mEoOOOOOWWWWWWWuh...I have visions of ninety trapped flight passengers treated to two hours of the chorus from Dante's Inferno.

Sharing –I had to laugh at your description of traveling with N&N. I get that “Look” from my kids when it is time for their monthly nail trimming. Good thing they can’t dial the phone I guess. As to the flying furr-puffs – I believe this is why God lets Vets prescribed kitty valium.

Reeneejune – actually the idea of having people either pre-choose who will inherit what is, I think, a good idea. I have seen cases where family members could not agree on certain items so each drew a number from a bowl. All the disputed things were laid out on a table or the floor. Then the person with the lowest number goes first and selects an item, then person 2 etc. That way it is completely chance with no favoritism. On a side note, my brother and I have already discussed who wants what and there are only about a dozen small items on which we will need a lottery system for …… shhhhhhh don’t tell the parents we are already divvying up their stuff. Neither is even 70 yet.

Freemidwife – sorry to hear you are having such a tough week. Hang in there.

Gldnluvly – If I can jump in here. If the counter is substandard and on it’s last legs then I would lean towards fixing that first. If you, or someone in the family, is handy you can get a simple countertop made up at Home Depot then cover it yourself with a laminate or even tile. Doing that labor yourself will save you quite a bit depending on what you get. However if you are leaning towards a stone or solid surface then I am afraid getting it made is going to cost more. How big a counter are you looking to replace, would it include the sink surround?

If you do need a contractor check our local guys and see what real customers have had to say about them and their work at Angie’s List.

For me doing dishes by hand would not be that much of an issue as I live alone, but I know once you are used to it with a family it is hard to let go of. I would call local appliance stores or large stores like Lowe’s or HD and ask when they will be having their next “Floor Sample Sale”. This is how I got my mini-freezer for $105.


Now for some not so great news. At my Guild meeting on Monday night I was asking a woman there about her sister, a friend, whom I had not seen at the last meeting or that night and who had not returned my e-mail. She told me that D was diagnosed two weeks ago with a rather aggressive form of breast cancer. AND it seems their mother and at least two other female relatives died from the same thing. So this Friday D is having a double mastectomy and then chemo. Any good thoughts you can send her way would be appreciated. She is in her 40’s single and


SingleMom - Ky - 02/25/09 02:44 PM

I read a quote in my magazine and immediately thought of this thread & you wonderful ladies.

"You know you're a grown up when ... you have friends who are a decade younger and a decade older than you."

It jumped out at me w/all the well wishes to Firebird and realizing that she, Startsmart and others are in their 20s. I am firmly in my 30s and know from all the wisdom generated & shared here that there are ladies who are in their 40s.

I like thinking that I'm a grown up with no children. But what a hard choice

[Honeylioness]

25 February 2009


reeneejune - 02/25/09 11:02 PM

HELP!!

I know some of you ladies sew, and I could really use some help digging out of a mess I just created. So here's where I'm at: I'm making a lovely dress to wear for my b-day outing to see Wicked in 2 weeks. There was barely enough fabric to cut out all of the pieces, but I managed it. I've been trucking along for almost 5 hours today putting it together, and I was just about to topstitch the facing down. I was trimming the seams around the neck when OH NO! I've got about a half inch slice in the back of the dress, about a quarter inch down from the collar in a > shape. I don't have any more fabric, even if I was inclined to tear the ENTIRE bodice apart and start over. The fabric store doesn't have any more of this fabric anyway. How do I cover this mess up? It's pretty much dead center. Oh god, I don't want to trash this dress because of a stupid beginner mistake! Please tell me there's a way to fix it that I'm not thinking of?!

Honeylioness - 02/25/09 11:15 PM

Reeneejune - I have several fix ideas but would need to see the dress style in order for my ideas to make any sense. Could you perhaps take a picture and mail it to me

OR

What pattern brand, pattern number and view number are you using? I can look up a pic online then give you some ideas based on the style etc.

reeneejune - 02/25/09 11:18 PM

Honey- It's Simplicity 2981 view B, and the fabric is a cotton print that's mainly a lime green color with a brown, white and light blue flower/vine pattern on it.

My current idea is to buy some ribbon that matches one of the contrast colors (brown or light blue), and running it along the neckline and around the back. Now that I think about it, the collar will probably cover whatever fix I come up with.

Honeylioness - 02/25/09 11:31 PM

Okay, if you have a bit of play in the dimension of the neckline I would recommend taking the smallest tuck you can and zig zag the cut edges together, You can angle this so that if it is seen it will look like a tiny dart. A contrasting trim ribbon will further draw attention away from it as well. You are lucky it is a print as any repair will fade into the fabric pattern.

If you do go with a ribbon I would also recommend adding it all along the perimeter of the collar, but also along the edges of the sleeves. And perhaps even a thin length of ribbon along the length of the sash. I would top stitch this accent trim with a matching thread.

If you place the trim in more than one place like the sleeves etc - it looks like a planned accent / embellishment and less like a "fix". When you add several touches this way no-one will ever know this was not the plan all along and the final dress will look more balanced. Hope this made sense

SES_Books - 02/25/09 11:47 PM

reeneejune--Honey is the expert. A friend who does not sew had to make an emergency repair on her daughters recital dress and used a dab if that Mighty Mendit from the TV infomercial and it worked!

reeneejune - 02/25/09 11:48 PM

Thank you Honey! When I posted, I had literally just stopped jumping up and down yelling obscenities. It's close enough to the collar that when I stitch down the facing, it will be between the stitching and the collar. So when I add some ribbon, no one will be the wiser. And yes, I'll add it to the collar and sash so that it looks planned. I'll send you a pic when I get it all done.

reeneejune - 02/25/09 11:49 PM

SES LOL, that's great. I once hemmed a skirt with a stapler because I needed to wear it within 5 minutes for a band concert. I prefer tape for last minute fixes.