Post by Honeylioness on Jan 15, 2009 13:53:04 GMT -5
01 January 2009
Hello and Happy New Year's Day to everyone returning and those joining us for the first time!
calsfan - I would like the Las Vegas information also when you have it compiled. I am not yet 100% sure I will be able to make it, but more information will help me decide.
nitza - Which neighborhood were you in? I am guessing Wallingford or Queen Anne to get such a good view of the Needle.
Sheila - we must have been channeling each other today. I had expected to be a lazy bum today but just looked around and am almost disbelieving as to how much I got done today. Shoveled out my truck, took down the tree, cleaned the living room, spare room, bathroom and dining room. Pulled everything out from my storage closet, opened things, weeded out items I no longer need or use to be donated. Re-organized things that I kept and then put it all back away. I do keep the nativity up until January 6th though. But at least two levels of my home are clean, organized and I feel real good about that.
Around noon I was taking a break for some coffee and tossed some bird seed out onto the shared deck outside my kitchen door. Which led to a rather amusing episode of Chattering Cat Theater.
For those who are unfamiliar with this form of entertainment let me try to describe it.
Act I: Weather or circumstances lead to birds, or a squirrel, being on the deck outside my kitchen door. This door is steel framed and has a 5' x 3' double paned glass insert. Because I am not so fond of being on display to the neighbors I have a set of mini-blinds hanging over the glass.
Act II: Aforesaid critters either gather to eat insects from my potted plants or, in the case of the squirrel, steal tomatos from my plants for a little treat. During the winter though, I toss out handfuls of birdseed and nuts for my resident squirrel.
Act III: This is the fun part. The kitties butt their heads under the bottom edge of the blinds so you can only see them from the back down. I do believe they think the animals are there just for their amusement. The birds have learned though that the cats cannot get to them through the glass so they tend to ignore them. During this phase the cats perform two rather amusing behaviors.
One is what I call the "Golfer's Wriggle". Picture a golfer getting ready to line up his shot, and that rocking from foot to foot motion he makes before they swing. Well, that is what the kitties do....as though they actually had a hope in Hades of actually catching one of the feathered visitors. Simultaneously they made this odd noise... a cross between a meow and a chattering of teeth. As though they are practicing the chomping down uon prey. I call this noise their "chattering". They can do this for hours without fail and seem oblivious to the size of impossibility of their target. It's really funny when they do it to a seagull, which tend to be at least twice as big as any of my current furbabies.
Regarding Muttley's query as to what 2008 taught me - I had to really think about that. What I finally came up with is that I learned I was stronger in some ways than I realized. This came from going through this last year with Redhawk being away and injured a couple of times.
And that led me to think about what I would like to do differently, or better, in the year to come. 2008 was not a very productive year for me creatively. I would like to complete at least two quilts this year, and finally make the tree skirt I have had the fabric for the last two years. I do have a couple of areas of spending that I would like to get more in control and build up at least two months of take home salary in my Emergency Fund. I also would like to find a way past my own insecurity about investing. I feel really inadequate in that area - as though almost everyone else knows so much more than I do and I am not sure I even know the questions to ask to find out what I don't know.
I did not do as well as I wanted last month in tracking everything I spent but I do hope to do better this month. My goals for January are:
25 NEO
20 NSD/CSD
One of my managers gave me a set of wine glasses from Macy's. But as I already have four sets, I am planning on going there tomorrow to exchange them. Luckily she gave me the gift receipt. She will not mind as she already said if I wanted to it was okay - I should have what I can use.
Now that I have cleared out the Christmas items I not longer use, I am going to TRY and stay out of the ornament clearance area - fingers crossed!!!!!
Then it's off to Joanne Fabrics. They have pretty boxes for photographs for about a $1 a piece. and since I want to go through my messy catch-all box and sort my pictures, I can group them, store the CDs in a separate box, and finally be able to find stuff when I want it.
First stop though is one of the city's drop off/recycling drops for the Christmas tress and greens from the house so they can have a second go-round as mulch.
02 January 2009
Sharing the Simple Lifestyle:
Honeylioness, Buy a few shares of a solid, utility stock like Duke Energy or Con Ed. The dividends are solid. You'll love to see that cash put in your account. Wait a bit. Stocks have been up so many days, we'll have a mild pullback soon. You'll never get wildly wealthy with utilities stocks, but the dividend cash is so much more than you'll make in a simple account. I will buy DUK or ED sometime in the next six weeks. Only when they have pulled back a dollar or two from this nice run, however!
04 January 2009
Hello everyone. Well, as most of us face the return to a full week of work - i am typing this with one hand. Yesterday, after a rather productive day I took out the trash. Coming back from my last trip to the dumpster I was a bit shocked to suddenly find both my feet were no longer supporting me.
A patch of black ice had caught me unaware, and in my attempt to brace myself I had leaned back with my left hand. While the last time I fell, last winter, I took the brunt of the impact on my bottom, this time my left hand took the majority of the landing. Specifically, the heel of my hand and wrist on the left side. I did go to the ER and they do not think anything is broken, but we need to wait a couple of days to look again when the swelling abates.
So until then I and wearing a splint from fingers to elbow and a dorky sling. For those who have not worn one of these contraptions, let me tell you - driving a standard shift back from the ER was a real fun time - NOT!!!!
I hope you will all understand if I am not able to reply or respond to a lot of the individual comments or posts.
What a LOVELY way to start the new year *RME*
But, I did want to tell you about my venture into Macy's yesterday. One of our manager's had given me a set of four wineglasses. However, as I already have four sets I used the gift receipt attached and went to the mall yesterday to exchange them. (Side note: I have not been in a mall in just about two years - OY, talk about sensory overload!!!)
In Housewares I found a three quart pot I really liked at a reasonable tagged price. A size I have been without for a while. So I took the box and the glasses to the register for the exchange. As the woman did the paperwork she handed me the bag and receipt, then said "Oh, and I owe you a dollar"
Cool!! Macy's paid ME to come in and exchange something!!! <Insert happy dance>
Sharing, I do not often pay much attention to manufacturer when I buy fabric. I can tell by feel if it was made from good quality griege (pronounced "gray") goods. And for my display and wall pieces I will add any kind of fabric regardless of it's content if it has the look/color I want. I do like Northcott's design lines on the whole, and have been known to spend a shocking amount per yard for batik's that are incredibly seductive to the touch.
By the way - I know I missed this evolution - but WHY is your nickname Toasty?
05 January 2009
Hello everyone - well, I went to see the Orthopedist today, and had a not so great run in with one of his office staff. I swear, does no one even know what Customer Service is anymore?
Anyway, turns out the wrist is not broken. The ligaments are just badly strained and the tissues are bruised. They removed the plaster splint that went from elbow to fingers and replaced it with a much smaller wrist brace. The bad news is that soft tissues take longer to heal then bones. So I will probably have to wear this thing for 3-4 weeks.
At least I don't have to wear the sling anymore. THAT was annoying.
For those who have never messed up a hand or arm, just try to imagine the fun I am having trying to do things one handed since even the slightest pressure or weight on the hand at the moment is really painful. Not just the challenging logistics of trying to make something to eat, or use the computer - but the really basic things ............. LIKE PULLING UP YOUR UNDERWEAR!!!!!!!! It makes every trip to the bathroom seem like an audition to Circe de Soleil. I am discovering just HOW flexible I can be.
Time for prescription Motrin and to once again go commune with my couch before I attempt the 30 minute process of undressing and getting into my jammies.
I know, I know .... I should not be boasting about my new glamorous lifestyle
15 January 2009
Helllooooooooooooooooooo
Yes, I am still around – just lurking a bit (insert stalking music here) and I have been reading. Just insanely swamped up until now. Today however, most of the staff are downtown at a huge trade show and I am taking advantage by getting caught up with paperwork and “personal” stuff.
The wrist and hand are a lovely sickly yellow color at the moment as the deep tissue bruises work through their cycles and the blood disperses from them. Looks as though I got bit by some exotic south-paw malaria mosquito. I am in the brace for another couple of weeks though I take it off when at home and do some gentle stretching and rotating movements to keep things from atrophying or stiffening up too badly.
I did take some notes, so here is my $0.04 cents (it went up, inflation you know )
Migraines: These lovely episodes of agony and torment run in my family through the women. I know of at least four generations before me who were afflicted. My Finnish Great-Grandmother used strong black coffee to try and alleviate some of her pain. As caffeine constricts blood vessels it is thought that this action can help relieve headaches in chronic sufferers.
I also found Immutrex a waste of time, and especially dislike their commercials….you know, the one where this way to chipper woman twitters on about how she had a migraine, took the pill, and could continue on teaching kindergarten …. GIVE ME A BREAK!!!! I would be the woman on the news who was tossing any kid who even breathed heavy out a window!
Just kidding.
I get it all – auras, sensitivity to light, sound, motion, touch, smells, and nausea …. When they really grab hold or sneak up on me the only thing that works is Tylenol with codeine. Makes the big kitty go nighty-night so she can sleep it off.
QOTW: I have not had problems with SAD since I left the Seattle area. All those weeks and weeks of gray and dreary skies really did me in. And while it may be bone chilling cold here in New England, the sun makes much more regular appearances. However, I have struggled with a chemical imbalance form of depression for over 20 years. Most days my small amount of maintenance meds keep it at bay. For me real depression when I recognize it means I need to work with my doctor and counselor to tackle it before it spirals. Funks however usually mean I need to make bread and beat the carp out of the dough, or force myself to actually leave the house and go do something fun.
COTW: My family has know for years that I am an organ donor. Not to sound glib, but when my physical shell is of no more use to me because my soul has moved on, what do I care if they want to part me out like an old Chevy? It has been niggling in the back of my mind that now that I have the condo I need a will, and a living will. Especially since I do not want the State making decisions for my family about what to do with I disagreeets. I just upped my life insurance to 3x my salary, but am considering whether to not take coverage through work anymore and get my own policy.
Weather – Our “high” today is supposed to be 17 F….. not sure how a number that low can be a high … Single digits tonight and negative Friday and Saturday nights BEFORE the wind chill. OY. I am keeping my kitchen sink faucet open enough to drip constantly. They are the only pipes I have on an outside wall and I am praying that this move, and keeping the cupboard doors open underneath, will prevent the pipes from freezing.
My furnace is on the ground level and my bedroom is up three flights of stairs from there – so it never gets toasty no matter how high I crank the thermostat. So rather than have one level of the townhouse sweltering I keep it at about 66F, add another quilt to the bed (I am up to three at the moment) and have abandoned pretty nightgowns or night shirts for sweats, thick socks and woolen pajama tops to sleep in. Yeah – real sexy I know.
Credit Cards: How strange that so many people seem to be having issues or weirdness with their companies. I got a call last night from some credit company who tried to use scare tactics on me. I.e. “We are calling because this is the last time we will be able to give you this courtesy call to lower your interest rate …. As you have more than one account/card …..…. And with your last payments being late you need to take advantage of this offer now yadda, yadda, yadda …”
Of course when I calmly told the woman I had not had ANY CCs for five years and the one I did get just 6 months ago was used only once a month for about $20 and paid in full each month … well, she did not have much to say to that !!!!
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This is completely off-topic so bear with me. However as I have been open with most of you, and these boards about my money, which seems to be one of the last taboo subjects in this country, I felt like I needed to express myself about this topic also, because staying silent for me was starting to feel like lying or hypocrisy. And because I have learned in the last year to not only trust your advice but trust YOU – I decided I could be brave and put this out there.
Working out and body sizes: I really debated with myself about addressing this at all. However if I do make it to Las Vegas it’s not something I can actually hide. Actually, I would not surprise myself if I came up with a reason to NOT attend because of it – but openly blame it on finances or scheduling instead.
My weight, and body image, is something I have struggled with since 1988. Up until then I was an average size for my petite height of 5’2”. I even know the exact day when my weight and body became an issue for me, though it took me several years to truly face it and several more years to understand and accept why I did what I did. My in-the-process-of-becoming-an-EX-fiance attacked me one night as I came home from work and he raped me. Actually, through therapy I came to understand our entire three year relationship had been abusive on several levels all along.
After the hectic activity of police, reports, doctors and legal moves had subsided, and I had moved to a new apartment, I became terrified of leaving the house. And food became my one solace, my main source of comfort. And what I must have known sub-consciously became apparent to me consciously over the next two years. In this society you can actually become “invisible” to men if you are fat. You can be their co-worker or their “buddy” – but they will not ask you out, or hit on you or make any kind of sexual advances. So my “fat suit” made me safe. Lonely – but safe.
And then I met Redhawk. And this man, who I met online and who never saw a picture of me for months afterwards, fell in love with me. ME?
He has told me often that he first “…fell in lust with your mind…” But I was convinced that once he actually saw me, it would be over and he would leave. But he stayed and has tried to convince me that he would not give a rat’s arse if I weighed more, or less, or lost an arm.
Except I am not sure I believe it – not deep down inside me where it really counts. And now he has been away for 18 months, with no return date in sight, and the negative tapes in my head try to switch back on.
Even when I was a cute 120 lbs I hated to exercise. I have never really found much satisfaction in working out, and I never found it “fun” as some others seem to. Something that I am still struggling with.
I would love to be able to wear some of my darling vintage outfits again – or say that I am a size 6 or 8. But I don’t think it is realistic anymore. I would like to feel better in my own skin, feel a bit healthier, and not want to burst into tears at the mere thought of perhaps having to try on wedding gowns at this size, especially when it seems they no longer make them with sleeves.
So there it is – the thing I have not wanted to share, but keeping completely silent about it HAS made me feel as though in some way I have been lying to all of you. But as I mentioned, if I am able to make it to Vegas I will be the chubby one with curly hair who won’t join you in the pool .
Kudos to those who have found the will power and resolve to make changes for yourself. In no way am I trying to disrespect your own journey or struggle. I just felt compelled to share my own struggle.
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Sharing the Simple Lifestyle:
Honeylioness, You've been raiding my socks and sleepwear drawer, haha! One thing about this year, except for teh mom and moneysquirrel, when one poster got the weather, everyone else got it sooner or later. Even for NO and BR, I think Louisiana has been much colder than usual. Perhaps only Sheila, that rotter, has escaped!
Honey, I could not live in the northwest. Seattle or Vancouver would kill me. I need light. It's practically blinding today with the bright blue sky like a giant ice cube in an old Coca Cola ad, and all the white snow. I've already made soup, eaten chocolate, made oatmeal, eaten chocolate...
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Sharing the Simple Lifestyle:
Honey. When you meet us, you will see that we are every possible shape and size known to womanhood. We have wisps, we have models. we have the crushingly ordinary (Sharing), the Curvation look ala Queen Latifa, the tall, the tiny, we got 'em all. Old, young, richer, poorer. Fake red hair, gorgeous brunettes, freckles, glasses... you get it. Now, on the other... as you see from this month's posts, to quote George Burns, "No one gets out alive!" when someone asked him how he saw the rest of his life going forward. Or Bob Hope. I would add that no one gets out unscathed. The man was reprehensible. That was then. It was horrible, a life-changer, a brutal breaking of trust and imposition of will. He will answer on some level, in some way for what he did. Please don't for one minute think that this terrible time and what it has cost you would ever, ever impact on the pleasure of your company among us, in the midst of us, loved by us for your friendship here on our thread.
startsmart:
Honey- thank you for sharing (remember my theory that nothing is off-topic, it all relates to money!), I can imagine it wasn't easy for you to write.
Nevertheless we love and accept you no matter what happened in your past, present or future. No one here is perfect and we know it. It's easy to let our "side topics" influence our thoughts about each other and especially the Vegas trip. The purpose of the trip is to get to know each other better, strengthen friendships and have fun!
Remember when EoG reported about her impending bankruptcy? The group was supportive of her despite the set-back. Remember my emotional breakdown when buying the house? The group was not only understanding but so, so caring!
When I was in Vegas last month with red2black, firebird and ABF I had to be honest with myself and them about what I could do. I wanted to see the aquarium at Mandalay but couldn't after walking so much on the strip. I wanted to see the fountains at the Bellagio but had a nasty drug/alcohol reaction that made me dizzy and nauseous.
If you do want to "feel better in my own skin" then let me encourage you to take steps toward that. Whatever steps you're comfortable with taking. No matter where any of us are come October (financially, medically, physically, emotionally) I hope you will ALL consider making the Vegas trip. It's very rare to find a friend, much less a dozen friends, who have similar monetary values and are non-judgmental about each other's religion, weight, relationships, jobs, and families.
Sheila in Cali:
Honey: You will have company because I will be the chubby one with straight hair sitting next to you
I have gone back and forth in my mind about going for this same reason. But you know what? Honestly these ladies don't care what we look like. They like us for us just like Hawk loves you for you. So if you will be there I will be there too.
red-wagon:
Honey - a hug to you. I completely second what Sharing said. doesn't matter to anyone here what anyone looks like. we know each other's hearts and minds (not that i'm lusting after your mind like redhawk) and adore you for yours. Feel free to talk more about this, or never mention it again, whatever you feel comfortable with. Either way, we are here for you and love that you are a part of our community!!
sapphire12
honey -- for having the courage to tell us your story and the strength to overcome it. I agree with Sharing, we are a mixed bag, that's what makes the world go around. Sheila and honey -- your body image is NOT a reason to come to Vegas! I love to swim in warm water and since I don't live in the Caribbean, I don't swim too often. Other than swimming, walking is my favorite exercise. There are no rules and special equipment required. Some of us exercise because we like to eat all the wrong things, some exercise to be healthy, some exercise out of fear of not exercising. It's all good. The reality is we all have limits to what and how much we can do. It's okay, though some of us, me, sprain an ankle and expect to be able to power walk with no problem. We've all got a story to tell and there is much to be learned from all the people on this board besides finances. I don't know about the West Coast meetings, but every time I have met a group of ladies from this board, we have the most fun just sitting around talking. I find it interesting that we all come from different backgrounds, some different countries, and all ended up on this board for an array of reasons.
MrsBradford
Honey-It definitely doesn't matter what you look like! (although I'm sure you are beautiful!)
Most days I feel like the stay puft marshmallow woman. And yeah, sometimes I feel really bad about it, but I know that the people who really matter are not judging me by it.
Sharing the Simple Lifestyle:
MrsB., Sapphire, Honey, Red_, smartstart, Sheila, I am comparing myself to a garden slug this winter for a complete lack of muscle tone. Everything you all said was wise and wonderful. What we find here is nothing short of a miracle.
3catslady
Honey; I'm 5'2" and 198 last check, mousey brown and gray hair, missing front teeth, double chin. Yes and lonely. I had a "friend" for 2 yrs. until I old someone that I "loved him". That got back to him and I haven't seen him since. He wanted sex and after being a widow for 10 years, I was happy to oblige. Now I sit in my room and wish I had the guts to go out with the girls and have fun. MY CHOICE. I don't want to get hurt anymore. I was assaulted by 2 live-in males when I was a kid, 10-12 yrs old. One of them is dead and I cried with joy when he died. The other, I don't talk to. When I go "swimming", I wear a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. You are not alone, there are over 2 million of us out there and I heard on the radio yesterday that within the next 10-15 years, if our attitude about weight doesn't change, 100% of Americans will be overweight.
azmomx3
Honeylioness and 3 catslady: You are both super brave beautiful women. Thank you so much for sharing from your heart. I hope it lifts some anxiety you may have had. I find that we tend to work ourselves up about things and when the happen it isn’t as bad as we thought it would be. Please don’t let body image keep you from Vegas.
MuttleynFelix
While we are all discussing weight issues, LOL. I really hate the commercials that say "I am in the best shape of my life with xxxx product". Oh LORD. I ran track my freshman year of college, there is NO way I will ever be in that shape ever again. I'm not even sure I want to be (although dang did I have the abs). While I am currently feeling fat, I haven't weighed myself because honestly, my weight probably hasn't gone up more than 3 or 4 pounds (it fluxutes every month). So, I just work out a little harder and try to watch what I eat (I am terrible at that). No, I'm not going to be 120 or 130 again, but really, I am sexier at 150 than 130 and certainly a lot sexier than 120 (I'm 5'7" with thunder thighs.... but hey I needed them to run the 400 m dash). (Although I would like to be 140 again) But we are all different (well except my mom, my sister and me, we are pretty much all alike Smile). What we look like does not matter. It is on the inside that counts.
Red2Black2011
Honeylioness and 3 catslady: Thank you both for having the courage to share your stories.
Honeylioness: When I decided to meet the Ladies in DC I was so sure I would be the odd duck. (Now I know I'm the odd duck but I'm with friends so it doesn't matter. Open-mouthed) But when we get together at first its strange because it feels like you're with old friends. An hour later you know you're with old friends. Old friends who are care about YOU and not your size. You have to come because Sheila will be on one side and I'll be the chubby one with the curly short reddish (who knows what color) hair on the other. I haven't seen a single digit dress size since I was a baby. We just want our friend to be with us. Besides, we all have to be there so we can take a group picture under the Welcome to Las Vegas sign. The only acceptable reason is if you are swinging from the rafters with Hawk.
GLDNLUVLY
Honey/3cats-It's good to know that I am not alone. I am also 5'2" and fabulously fluffy. For health reasons, I will be joining Jenny Craig on the 24th. I, too, hate to exercise, but who says it has to be a workout at the gym. Find an activity you like and do it. It could be dancing, walking, bowling. It could be good ol' housework. Turn that ironing into a workout. Heck, they now have **** and pole dancing classes. Yoga is a good way to become a fitter person. I can't swim so in Vegas I'll be sitting on the edge of the pool with my feet in the water. As others have said, this board isn't just about money. It's about improving our situation. It's about support. It's about exchanging ideas with those of like minds.
Irishpebbles
My Dh is great about the weight I've put on he tells me all the time he loves my curves. He always say "nakey is best but what you have on looks nice" I don't think I'm "obese" but I was 98 lbs my senior year and was 178 Lbs before I had my gall bladder out. Now that I have to eat low fat meals that means less calories too which mean less of me ... So as of today it's one month and 10 lbs lighter!!! I say I'm 5'4" on a good day Dh says I'm lucky to be 5'2". lol I see all of you as personalities and not bodies if that makes sense ... I love getting on here it makes me happy to "be with" so many "normal" ladies. I can't wait until Oct. so I can put faces to all of you. We are already "friends" and friends don't judge they just have fun together.
kath74
honey and 3cats and to all you ladies too! My heart grew today, I felt it, after reading all of the wonderful, supportive words. And now I really really want to come to vegas...... just to hug you all in person. I know that I read more than contribute, which makes me feel like I know you all better than you know me, but I'm so thankful that I know you guys.
Ravin01
Honey - Since they all said everything I wanted to say, only much better, I will just say Ditto! As for exercising - I do not find it fun in any way. Used to bribe myself by only watching certain shows if I was exercising at the same time! Now that I don't have TV, it is a struggle, but I do feel better when I do it so that has been my motivation lately. If it is something you want to start and talk about I bet we can come up with some non-exercise exercise options.
teh_mom
Honey- We love you too, just the way you are. Accept it, that's the way it is.
SES_Books
Honey -I admire your courage, strength and honesty. Maybe someday I can be as strong.
mrslynch
i don't really have much to add to the conversation today except for this...sheila, honey, gldn, r2b2, et al...you will all have company by the side of the pool as i am the current mayor of chubby town. i'm trying to lose the rest of this baby weight (she's 2 now...it's officially just fat) but it seems to really like me and my a$$ (and thighs, arms, hips, stomach). at 5'3", i look like a tank barreling down the sidewalk. and in my puffy red jacket, i'm quite a sight. oh, and exercise--until i started treadmill dancing last week, i had never found any form of exercise that i thought was fun besides swimming. but when you look like shamu stuffed into a bathing suit, swimming is not that enticing.
beej67
Honey, I admire the courage it took to put your feelings into words and share them with us. You are an extraordinary woman. I know this to be true without ever having met you in person, and I promise that nothing about your outward appearance could ever change that. You always have a kind word and you have a way about you that envelops people with both humor and warmth. We have all been on the receiving end of that gift through your writing here and at the lioness' den. It took great inner strength to be able to trust again, all I can say is just keep letting that strength lead you because that little voice that wants to hold you back is wrong. You are beautiful and your size will never dictate that beauty. By the way, I don't like exercising either and "formal" exercise for me is walking (sometimes with a strawberry daiquiri in hand when it's hot out). I'll be the tall one who used to be a beanpole size 4 but now is anywhere from an 8 to a 12, depending upon brand. I don't have the first idea how to diet since I never had to until the last few years and my look is pretty much average in every way. I've gone from being the girl called "legs" to OMG my thighs touch (and then some)! Know that we all struggle with body image in some way or another. Having a sister who's been battling bulimia for over 20 years helps me put things into perspective. Like you, she has some demons in her past to exorcize, but honestly her being heavier would be healthier than all she's put her body through.
16 January 2009
nitza19
Honeylioness - inflation for your thoughts, I like it
On a more serious note, I don't know what I can say that can adequately express my feelings for what you have gone through. It just breaks open my heart that someone as thoughtful, and generous, and kind, and friendly as yourself should have to experience that kind of violation, much less the lingering terror, damaged self-image, and endless nagging worries that came after.
I am so glad that hawk said what he did, and I do realize it is impossible to believe, but chances are he means every word. We women tend to care exponentially more about the way we look than our men do. I have been both bigger and smaller while with my SO, and he says he likes me both ways. I of course assume that is BS. But it probably really is true, to him. (although really, when I bring out a plate of food for him and lay it on the table, the residual glow from his happiness at the food probably makes me look like Angelina Jolie!).
But I earnestly plead that you do not let something like weight keep you from Vegas. Because there are dozens of girls/women who won't get in that pool--the one who's too big, the one who's too scrawny, the one with the too small top or the too big bottom, the one who weighs 100 lbs but sees twice that when she looks in the mirror... if you shrink or if you grow, you have a tremendous heart and bring kindness and sympathy to even a group of far-flung women you've never met. How lovely and loveable that makes you[and p.s. I hate hate hate hate to exercise. HATE. I don't understand that "fun" thing either.]
Firebird
Honeylioness-- I salute your intense courage by coming out about this to the board. Let me second/third/fourth everyone else and say that looks are far from the focal point of our gathering. Other than being in utter awe at sapphire's fashion sense, I can't remember ever even thinking about someone's physical appearance beyond, "Wow, she looks really different than I pictured!" which, as I told startsmart, has happened with each and every WIR I've met so far, with one exception-- Toasty
. Yup, Madame Toast, I had a pretty dang accurate picture of you in my head! And you are quite lovely.
So fear not that we will judge you based on your looks, friend. As wise women have said before me, we ALL have our issues. I recently began running again-- it's fantastic and I'm having fun with it, and I'll likely be in pretty good shape by Vegas. But guess what-- for the first time in more than a year, I am in debt! Yeah, my wonderful financial plans somewhat crumbled about my ears. We all have our issues-- be they physical, emotional, fiscal, psychotic (Iseedeadpeople), etc.
Darling, we love you, and that is all we see when we look at you-- someone we love. This is a sisterhood, not a beauty pageant. I guarantee that if you come out, you'll be in for one hell of a good time with people who will make you wonder how you could ever feel less than fabulous about the person you are.
Did I mention I miss you guys? A lot?
19 January 2009
First off – let me say how overwhelmed I was by the loving and supportive responses I received to my posting last week. I will confess that I stayed away from reading them for a day or so – just because I knew I would probably cry for one reason or another – and of course I did.
My home PC is trying to die, or commit suicide at least on the hard drive side – so I was unable to post this during the weekend. I am at work but headed home now – I only came in to enter timecards so people can get paid. I ate some bad shellfish Saturday night and have been paying for it ever since. Pretty pathetic when you cannot even keep down water.
Crawling back to bed, I will catch up when I can. Hopefully I can post my totals so far tomorrow.
Thank you again for all your warm and understanding remarks to my angst about my weight. You are truly and amazing group of women.
*******
Okay....back home and the tummy is behaving for the moment. So I thought I would share my LOVELY Weekend (Warning: intense sarcasm at work).
So here in Northern Mass. we have been having the coldest winter in YEARS. Temperatures at -degrees night after night and winds that bring it down even more.
The condo to right angles of me has been vacant since New Year's Eve when the tenants moved out. And since then no-one has seen as much as a glimpse of the woman who owns it. I bet you can all see where this is going. The tenants turned off the heat and, we learned Saturday, the stupid owner decided that she did not want to spend the money for heat, or water by keeping the faucets dripping. So at about 1:00pm Saturday I heard the sound of rushing water. At first I thought "Hey, it must have warmed up enough so that the snow is melting off the roof and is running down the drain pipes" .... ummm.....NOT !!!!
The pipes in the unit's bathroom on the third level had busted. And full city water pressure was causing it to cascade out of the siding, down the building and it looked like Niagra Falls coming off the deck over her garage door. We also saw water flowing out from under the second floor sliding doors that lead to the kitchen. So myself and the other trustees made several calls: Water/Sewer department, the owner's cell, and the owner of the unit next door that share a common wall with that bathroom.
Fast forward TWO hours - the owner had only returned one call. Told us she was "busy" and "of course" the Association would take care of it right? ... WRONG! I had to get agressive and tell her to get her A$$ up here NOW. As it was about 13 degrees outside you can imagine what was happening to the water pouring into the parking lot.
She finally showed up almost 2.5 hours later. By then we had the other owner, cops, fire department, DPW, Property Manager AND a locksmith we called to pick the locks on the condo so we could get in. When they opened the garage door a wave rushed out.
The entire unit will have to be gutted. Ceilings in kitchen and garage were sagging and collapsed. Carpets and some sub flooring is trashed along with interior drywall both in her unit and next door. AND it seems she thought she did not need homeowners insurance since it is a "condo" and she rents it out. She even got nasty with the cop filing the report who tried to get her to understand that all the repairs on both units are HER responsibility.
Honestly, if you have no clue as to what is involved aside from paying the mortgage you should not own property. I predict she is going to default to the bank and try to walk away. At wich time the association may purchase the unit for rental income.
Hello and Happy New Year's Day to everyone returning and those joining us for the first time!
calsfan - I would like the Las Vegas information also when you have it compiled. I am not yet 100% sure I will be able to make it, but more information will help me decide.
nitza - Which neighborhood were you in? I am guessing Wallingford or Queen Anne to get such a good view of the Needle.
Sheila - we must have been channeling each other today. I had expected to be a lazy bum today but just looked around and am almost disbelieving as to how much I got done today. Shoveled out my truck, took down the tree, cleaned the living room, spare room, bathroom and dining room. Pulled everything out from my storage closet, opened things, weeded out items I no longer need or use to be donated. Re-organized things that I kept and then put it all back away. I do keep the nativity up until January 6th though. But at least two levels of my home are clean, organized and I feel real good about that.
Around noon I was taking a break for some coffee and tossed some bird seed out onto the shared deck outside my kitchen door. Which led to a rather amusing episode of Chattering Cat Theater.
For those who are unfamiliar with this form of entertainment let me try to describe it.
Act I: Weather or circumstances lead to birds, or a squirrel, being on the deck outside my kitchen door. This door is steel framed and has a 5' x 3' double paned glass insert. Because I am not so fond of being on display to the neighbors I have a set of mini-blinds hanging over the glass.
Act II: Aforesaid critters either gather to eat insects from my potted plants or, in the case of the squirrel, steal tomatos from my plants for a little treat. During the winter though, I toss out handfuls of birdseed and nuts for my resident squirrel.
Act III: This is the fun part. The kitties butt their heads under the bottom edge of the blinds so you can only see them from the back down. I do believe they think the animals are there just for their amusement. The birds have learned though that the cats cannot get to them through the glass so they tend to ignore them. During this phase the cats perform two rather amusing behaviors.
One is what I call the "Golfer's Wriggle". Picture a golfer getting ready to line up his shot, and that rocking from foot to foot motion he makes before they swing. Well, that is what the kitties do....as though they actually had a hope in Hades of actually catching one of the feathered visitors. Simultaneously they made this odd noise... a cross between a meow and a chattering of teeth. As though they are practicing the chomping down uon prey. I call this noise their "chattering". They can do this for hours without fail and seem oblivious to the size of impossibility of their target. It's really funny when they do it to a seagull, which tend to be at least twice as big as any of my current furbabies.
Regarding Muttley's query as to what 2008 taught me - I had to really think about that. What I finally came up with is that I learned I was stronger in some ways than I realized. This came from going through this last year with Redhawk being away and injured a couple of times.
And that led me to think about what I would like to do differently, or better, in the year to come. 2008 was not a very productive year for me creatively. I would like to complete at least two quilts this year, and finally make the tree skirt I have had the fabric for the last two years. I do have a couple of areas of spending that I would like to get more in control and build up at least two months of take home salary in my Emergency Fund. I also would like to find a way past my own insecurity about investing. I feel really inadequate in that area - as though almost everyone else knows so much more than I do and I am not sure I even know the questions to ask to find out what I don't know.
I did not do as well as I wanted last month in tracking everything I spent but I do hope to do better this month. My goals for January are:
25 NEO
20 NSD/CSD
One of my managers gave me a set of wine glasses from Macy's. But as I already have four sets, I am planning on going there tomorrow to exchange them. Luckily she gave me the gift receipt. She will not mind as she already said if I wanted to it was okay - I should have what I can use.
Now that I have cleared out the Christmas items I not longer use, I am going to TRY and stay out of the ornament clearance area - fingers crossed!!!!!
Then it's off to Joanne Fabrics. They have pretty boxes for photographs for about a $1 a piece. and since I want to go through my messy catch-all box and sort my pictures, I can group them, store the CDs in a separate box, and finally be able to find stuff when I want it.
First stop though is one of the city's drop off/recycling drops for the Christmas tress and greens from the house so they can have a second go-round as mulch.
02 January 2009
Sharing the Simple Lifestyle:
Honeylioness, Buy a few shares of a solid, utility stock like Duke Energy or Con Ed. The dividends are solid. You'll love to see that cash put in your account. Wait a bit. Stocks have been up so many days, we'll have a mild pullback soon. You'll never get wildly wealthy with utilities stocks, but the dividend cash is so much more than you'll make in a simple account. I will buy DUK or ED sometime in the next six weeks. Only when they have pulled back a dollar or two from this nice run, however!
04 January 2009
Hello everyone. Well, as most of us face the return to a full week of work - i am typing this with one hand. Yesterday, after a rather productive day I took out the trash. Coming back from my last trip to the dumpster I was a bit shocked to suddenly find both my feet were no longer supporting me.
A patch of black ice had caught me unaware, and in my attempt to brace myself I had leaned back with my left hand. While the last time I fell, last winter, I took the brunt of the impact on my bottom, this time my left hand took the majority of the landing. Specifically, the heel of my hand and wrist on the left side. I did go to the ER and they do not think anything is broken, but we need to wait a couple of days to look again when the swelling abates.
So until then I and wearing a splint from fingers to elbow and a dorky sling. For those who have not worn one of these contraptions, let me tell you - driving a standard shift back from the ER was a real fun time - NOT!!!!
I hope you will all understand if I am not able to reply or respond to a lot of the individual comments or posts.
What a LOVELY way to start the new year *RME*
But, I did want to tell you about my venture into Macy's yesterday. One of our manager's had given me a set of four wineglasses. However, as I already have four sets I used the gift receipt attached and went to the mall yesterday to exchange them. (Side note: I have not been in a mall in just about two years - OY, talk about sensory overload!!!)
In Housewares I found a three quart pot I really liked at a reasonable tagged price. A size I have been without for a while. So I took the box and the glasses to the register for the exchange. As the woman did the paperwork she handed me the bag and receipt, then said "Oh, and I owe you a dollar"
Cool!! Macy's paid ME to come in and exchange something!!! <Insert happy dance>
Sharing, I do not often pay much attention to manufacturer when I buy fabric. I can tell by feel if it was made from good quality griege (pronounced "gray") goods. And for my display and wall pieces I will add any kind of fabric regardless of it's content if it has the look/color I want. I do like Northcott's design lines on the whole, and have been known to spend a shocking amount per yard for batik's that are incredibly seductive to the touch.
By the way - I know I missed this evolution - but WHY is your nickname Toasty?
05 January 2009
Hello everyone - well, I went to see the Orthopedist today, and had a not so great run in with one of his office staff. I swear, does no one even know what Customer Service is anymore?
Anyway, turns out the wrist is not broken. The ligaments are just badly strained and the tissues are bruised. They removed the plaster splint that went from elbow to fingers and replaced it with a much smaller wrist brace. The bad news is that soft tissues take longer to heal then bones. So I will probably have to wear this thing for 3-4 weeks.
At least I don't have to wear the sling anymore. THAT was annoying.
For those who have never messed up a hand or arm, just try to imagine the fun I am having trying to do things one handed since even the slightest pressure or weight on the hand at the moment is really painful. Not just the challenging logistics of trying to make something to eat, or use the computer - but the really basic things ............. LIKE PULLING UP YOUR UNDERWEAR!!!!!!!! It makes every trip to the bathroom seem like an audition to Circe de Soleil. I am discovering just HOW flexible I can be.
Time for prescription Motrin and to once again go commune with my couch before I attempt the 30 minute process of undressing and getting into my jammies.
I know, I know .... I should not be boasting about my new glamorous lifestyle
15 January 2009
Helllooooooooooooooooooo
Yes, I am still around – just lurking a bit (insert stalking music here) and I have been reading. Just insanely swamped up until now. Today however, most of the staff are downtown at a huge trade show and I am taking advantage by getting caught up with paperwork and “personal” stuff.
The wrist and hand are a lovely sickly yellow color at the moment as the deep tissue bruises work through their cycles and the blood disperses from them. Looks as though I got bit by some exotic south-paw malaria mosquito. I am in the brace for another couple of weeks though I take it off when at home and do some gentle stretching and rotating movements to keep things from atrophying or stiffening up too badly.
I did take some notes, so here is my $0.04 cents (it went up, inflation you know )
Migraines: These lovely episodes of agony and torment run in my family through the women. I know of at least four generations before me who were afflicted. My Finnish Great-Grandmother used strong black coffee to try and alleviate some of her pain. As caffeine constricts blood vessels it is thought that this action can help relieve headaches in chronic sufferers.
I also found Immutrex a waste of time, and especially dislike their commercials….you know, the one where this way to chipper woman twitters on about how she had a migraine, took the pill, and could continue on teaching kindergarten …. GIVE ME A BREAK!!!! I would be the woman on the news who was tossing any kid who even breathed heavy out a window!
Just kidding.
I get it all – auras, sensitivity to light, sound, motion, touch, smells, and nausea …. When they really grab hold or sneak up on me the only thing that works is Tylenol with codeine. Makes the big kitty go nighty-night so she can sleep it off.
QOTW: I have not had problems with SAD since I left the Seattle area. All those weeks and weeks of gray and dreary skies really did me in. And while it may be bone chilling cold here in New England, the sun makes much more regular appearances. However, I have struggled with a chemical imbalance form of depression for over 20 years. Most days my small amount of maintenance meds keep it at bay. For me real depression when I recognize it means I need to work with my doctor and counselor to tackle it before it spirals. Funks however usually mean I need to make bread and beat the carp out of the dough, or force myself to actually leave the house and go do something fun.
COTW: My family has know for years that I am an organ donor. Not to sound glib, but when my physical shell is of no more use to me because my soul has moved on, what do I care if they want to part me out like an old Chevy? It has been niggling in the back of my mind that now that I have the condo I need a will, and a living will. Especially since I do not want the State making decisions for my family about what to do with I disagreeets. I just upped my life insurance to 3x my salary, but am considering whether to not take coverage through work anymore and get my own policy.
Weather – Our “high” today is supposed to be 17 F….. not sure how a number that low can be a high … Single digits tonight and negative Friday and Saturday nights BEFORE the wind chill. OY. I am keeping my kitchen sink faucet open enough to drip constantly. They are the only pipes I have on an outside wall and I am praying that this move, and keeping the cupboard doors open underneath, will prevent the pipes from freezing.
My furnace is on the ground level and my bedroom is up three flights of stairs from there – so it never gets toasty no matter how high I crank the thermostat. So rather than have one level of the townhouse sweltering I keep it at about 66F, add another quilt to the bed (I am up to three at the moment) and have abandoned pretty nightgowns or night shirts for sweats, thick socks and woolen pajama tops to sleep in. Yeah – real sexy I know.
Credit Cards: How strange that so many people seem to be having issues or weirdness with their companies. I got a call last night from some credit company who tried to use scare tactics on me. I.e. “We are calling because this is the last time we will be able to give you this courtesy call to lower your interest rate …. As you have more than one account/card …..…. And with your last payments being late you need to take advantage of this offer now yadda, yadda, yadda …”
Of course when I calmly told the woman I had not had ANY CCs for five years and the one I did get just 6 months ago was used only once a month for about $20 and paid in full each month … well, she did not have much to say to that !!!!
*********************
This is completely off-topic so bear with me. However as I have been open with most of you, and these boards about my money, which seems to be one of the last taboo subjects in this country, I felt like I needed to express myself about this topic also, because staying silent for me was starting to feel like lying or hypocrisy. And because I have learned in the last year to not only trust your advice but trust YOU – I decided I could be brave and put this out there.
Working out and body sizes: I really debated with myself about addressing this at all. However if I do make it to Las Vegas it’s not something I can actually hide. Actually, I would not surprise myself if I came up with a reason to NOT attend because of it – but openly blame it on finances or scheduling instead.
My weight, and body image, is something I have struggled with since 1988. Up until then I was an average size for my petite height of 5’2”. I even know the exact day when my weight and body became an issue for me, though it took me several years to truly face it and several more years to understand and accept why I did what I did. My in-the-process-of-becoming-an-EX-fiance attacked me one night as I came home from work and he raped me. Actually, through therapy I came to understand our entire three year relationship had been abusive on several levels all along.
After the hectic activity of police, reports, doctors and legal moves had subsided, and I had moved to a new apartment, I became terrified of leaving the house. And food became my one solace, my main source of comfort. And what I must have known sub-consciously became apparent to me consciously over the next two years. In this society you can actually become “invisible” to men if you are fat. You can be their co-worker or their “buddy” – but they will not ask you out, or hit on you or make any kind of sexual advances. So my “fat suit” made me safe. Lonely – but safe.
And then I met Redhawk. And this man, who I met online and who never saw a picture of me for months afterwards, fell in love with me. ME?
He has told me often that he first “…fell in lust with your mind…” But I was convinced that once he actually saw me, it would be over and he would leave. But he stayed and has tried to convince me that he would not give a rat’s arse if I weighed more, or less, or lost an arm. Except I am not sure I believe it – not deep down inside me where it really counts. And now he has been away for 18 months, with no return date in sight, and the negative tapes in my head try to switch back on.
Even when I was a cute 120 lbs I hated to exercise. I have never really found much satisfaction in working out, and I never found it “fun” as some others seem to. Something that I am still struggling with.
I would love to be able to wear some of my darling vintage outfits again – or say that I am a size 6 or 8. But I don’t think it is realistic anymore. I would like to feel better in my own skin, feel a bit healthier, and not want to burst into tears at the mere thought of perhaps having to try on wedding gowns at this size, especially when it seems they no longer make them with sleeves.
So there it is – the thing I have not wanted to share, but keeping completely silent about it HAS made me feel as though in some way I have been lying to all of you. But as I mentioned, if I am able to make it to Vegas I will be the chubby one with curly hair who won’t join you in the pool .
Kudos to those who have found the will power and resolve to make changes for yourself. In no way am I trying to disrespect your own journey or struggle. I just felt compelled to share my own struggle.
**************************
Sharing the Simple Lifestyle:
Honeylioness, You've been raiding my socks and sleepwear drawer, haha! One thing about this year, except for teh mom and moneysquirrel, when one poster got the weather, everyone else got it sooner or later. Even for NO and BR, I think Louisiana has been much colder than usual. Perhaps only Sheila, that rotter, has escaped!
Honey, I could not live in the northwest. Seattle or Vancouver would kill me. I need light. It's practically blinding today with the bright blue sky like a giant ice cube in an old Coca Cola ad, and all the white snow. I've already made soup, eaten chocolate, made oatmeal, eaten chocolate...
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Sharing the Simple Lifestyle:
Honey. When you meet us, you will see that we are every possible shape and size known to womanhood. We have wisps, we have models. we have the crushingly ordinary (Sharing), the Curvation look ala Queen Latifa, the tall, the tiny, we got 'em all. Old, young, richer, poorer. Fake red hair, gorgeous brunettes, freckles, glasses... you get it. Now, on the other... as you see from this month's posts, to quote George Burns, "No one gets out alive!" when someone asked him how he saw the rest of his life going forward. Or Bob Hope. I would add that no one gets out unscathed. The man was reprehensible. That was then. It was horrible, a life-changer, a brutal breaking of trust and imposition of will. He will answer on some level, in some way for what he did. Please don't for one minute think that this terrible time and what it has cost you would ever, ever impact on the pleasure of your company among us, in the midst of us, loved by us for your friendship here on our thread.
startsmart:
Honey- thank you for sharing (remember my theory that nothing is off-topic, it all relates to money!), I can imagine it wasn't easy for you to write.
Nevertheless we love and accept you no matter what happened in your past, present or future. No one here is perfect and we know it. It's easy to let our "side topics" influence our thoughts about each other and especially the Vegas trip. The purpose of the trip is to get to know each other better, strengthen friendships and have fun!
Remember when EoG reported about her impending bankruptcy? The group was supportive of her despite the set-back. Remember my emotional breakdown when buying the house? The group was not only understanding but so, so caring!
When I was in Vegas last month with red2black, firebird and ABF I had to be honest with myself and them about what I could do. I wanted to see the aquarium at Mandalay but couldn't after walking so much on the strip. I wanted to see the fountains at the Bellagio but had a nasty drug/alcohol reaction that made me dizzy and nauseous.
If you do want to "feel better in my own skin" then let me encourage you to take steps toward that. Whatever steps you're comfortable with taking. No matter where any of us are come October (financially, medically, physically, emotionally) I hope you will ALL consider making the Vegas trip. It's very rare to find a friend, much less a dozen friends, who have similar monetary values and are non-judgmental about each other's religion, weight, relationships, jobs, and families.
Sheila in Cali:
Honey: You will have company because I will be the chubby one with straight hair sitting next to you
I have gone back and forth in my mind about going for this same reason. But you know what? Honestly these ladies don't care what we look like. They like us for us just like Hawk loves you for you. So if you will be there I will be there too.red-wagon:
Honey - a hug to you. I completely second what Sharing said. doesn't matter to anyone here what anyone looks like. we know each other's hearts and minds (not that i'm lusting after your mind like redhawk) and adore you for yours. Feel free to talk more about this, or never mention it again, whatever you feel comfortable with. Either way, we are here for you and love that you are a part of our community!!
sapphire12
honey -- for having the courage to tell us your story and the strength to overcome it. I agree with Sharing, we are a mixed bag, that's what makes the world go around. Sheila and honey -- your body image is NOT a reason to come to Vegas! I love to swim in warm water and since I don't live in the Caribbean, I don't swim too often. Other than swimming, walking is my favorite exercise. There are no rules and special equipment required. Some of us exercise because we like to eat all the wrong things, some exercise to be healthy, some exercise out of fear of not exercising. It's all good. The reality is we all have limits to what and how much we can do. It's okay, though some of us, me, sprain an ankle and expect to be able to power walk with no problem. We've all got a story to tell and there is much to be learned from all the people on this board besides finances. I don't know about the West Coast meetings, but every time I have met a group of ladies from this board, we have the most fun just sitting around talking. I find it interesting that we all come from different backgrounds, some different countries, and all ended up on this board for an array of reasons.
MrsBradford
Honey-It definitely doesn't matter what you look like! (although I'm sure you are beautiful!)
Most days I feel like the stay puft marshmallow woman. And yeah, sometimes I feel really bad about it, but I know that the people who really matter are not judging me by it.
Sharing the Simple Lifestyle:
MrsB., Sapphire, Honey, Red_, smartstart, Sheila, I am comparing myself to a garden slug this winter for a complete lack of muscle tone. Everything you all said was wise and wonderful. What we find here is nothing short of a miracle.
3catslady
Honey; I'm 5'2" and 198 last check, mousey brown and gray hair, missing front teeth, double chin. Yes and lonely. I had a "friend" for 2 yrs. until I old someone that I "loved him". That got back to him and I haven't seen him since. He wanted sex and after being a widow for 10 years, I was happy to oblige. Now I sit in my room and wish I had the guts to go out with the girls and have fun. MY CHOICE. I don't want to get hurt anymore. I was assaulted by 2 live-in males when I was a kid, 10-12 yrs old. One of them is dead and I cried with joy when he died. The other, I don't talk to. When I go "swimming", I wear a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. You are not alone, there are over 2 million of us out there and I heard on the radio yesterday that within the next 10-15 years, if our attitude about weight doesn't change, 100% of Americans will be overweight.
azmomx3
Honeylioness and 3 catslady: You are both super brave beautiful women. Thank you so much for sharing from your heart. I hope it lifts some anxiety you may have had. I find that we tend to work ourselves up about things and when the happen it isn’t as bad as we thought it would be. Please don’t let body image keep you from Vegas.
MuttleynFelix
While we are all discussing weight issues, LOL. I really hate the commercials that say "I am in the best shape of my life with xxxx product". Oh LORD. I ran track my freshman year of college, there is NO way I will ever be in that shape ever again. I'm not even sure I want to be (although dang did I have the abs). While I am currently feeling fat, I haven't weighed myself because honestly, my weight probably hasn't gone up more than 3 or 4 pounds (it fluxutes every month). So, I just work out a little harder and try to watch what I eat (I am terrible at that). No, I'm not going to be 120 or 130 again, but really, I am sexier at 150 than 130 and certainly a lot sexier than 120 (I'm 5'7" with thunder thighs.... but hey I needed them to run the 400 m dash). (Although I would like to be 140 again) But we are all different (well except my mom, my sister and me, we are pretty much all alike Smile). What we look like does not matter. It is on the inside that counts.
Red2Black2011
Honeylioness and 3 catslady: Thank you both for having the courage to share your stories.
Honeylioness: When I decided to meet the Ladies in DC I was so sure I would be the odd duck. (Now I know I'm the odd duck but I'm with friends so it doesn't matter. Open-mouthed) But when we get together at first its strange because it feels like you're with old friends. An hour later you know you're with old friends. Old friends who are care about YOU and not your size. You have to come because Sheila will be on one side and I'll be the chubby one with the curly short reddish (who knows what color) hair on the other. I haven't seen a single digit dress size since I was a baby. We just want our friend to be with us. Besides, we all have to be there so we can take a group picture under the Welcome to Las Vegas sign. The only acceptable reason is if you are swinging from the rafters with Hawk.
GLDNLUVLY
Honey/3cats-It's good to know that I am not alone. I am also 5'2" and fabulously fluffy. For health reasons, I will be joining Jenny Craig on the 24th. I, too, hate to exercise, but who says it has to be a workout at the gym. Find an activity you like and do it. It could be dancing, walking, bowling. It could be good ol' housework. Turn that ironing into a workout. Heck, they now have **** and pole dancing classes. Yoga is a good way to become a fitter person. I can't swim so in Vegas I'll be sitting on the edge of the pool with my feet in the water. As others have said, this board isn't just about money. It's about improving our situation. It's about support. It's about exchanging ideas with those of like minds.
Irishpebbles
My Dh is great about the weight I've put on he tells me all the time he loves my curves. He always say "nakey is best but what you have on looks nice" I don't think I'm "obese" but I was 98 lbs my senior year and was 178 Lbs before I had my gall bladder out. Now that I have to eat low fat meals that means less calories too which mean less of me ... So as of today it's one month and 10 lbs lighter!!! I say I'm 5'4" on a good day Dh says I'm lucky to be 5'2". lol I see all of you as personalities and not bodies if that makes sense ... I love getting on here it makes me happy to "be with" so many "normal" ladies. I can't wait until Oct. so I can put faces to all of you. We are already "friends" and friends don't judge they just have fun together.
kath74
honey and 3cats and to all you ladies too! My heart grew today, I felt it, after reading all of the wonderful, supportive words. And now I really really want to come to vegas...... just to hug you all in person. I know that I read more than contribute, which makes me feel like I know you all better than you know me, but I'm so thankful that I know you guys.
Ravin01
Honey - Since they all said everything I wanted to say, only much better, I will just say Ditto! As for exercising - I do not find it fun in any way. Used to bribe myself by only watching certain shows if I was exercising at the same time! Now that I don't have TV, it is a struggle, but I do feel better when I do it so that has been my motivation lately. If it is something you want to start and talk about I bet we can come up with some non-exercise exercise options.
teh_mom
Honey- We love you too, just the way you are. Accept it, that's the way it is.
SES_Books
Honey -I admire your courage, strength and honesty. Maybe someday I can be as strong.
mrslynch
i don't really have much to add to the conversation today except for this...sheila, honey, gldn, r2b2, et al...you will all have company by the side of the pool as i am the current mayor of chubby town. i'm trying to lose the rest of this baby weight (she's 2 now...it's officially just fat) but it seems to really like me and my a$$ (and thighs, arms, hips, stomach). at 5'3", i look like a tank barreling down the sidewalk. and in my puffy red jacket, i'm quite a sight. oh, and exercise--until i started treadmill dancing last week, i had never found any form of exercise that i thought was fun besides swimming. but when you look like shamu stuffed into a bathing suit, swimming is not that enticing.
beej67
Honey, I admire the courage it took to put your feelings into words and share them with us. You are an extraordinary woman. I know this to be true without ever having met you in person, and I promise that nothing about your outward appearance could ever change that. You always have a kind word and you have a way about you that envelops people with both humor and warmth. We have all been on the receiving end of that gift through your writing here and at the lioness' den. It took great inner strength to be able to trust again, all I can say is just keep letting that strength lead you because that little voice that wants to hold you back is wrong. You are beautiful and your size will never dictate that beauty. By the way, I don't like exercising either and "formal" exercise for me is walking (sometimes with a strawberry daiquiri in hand when it's hot out). I'll be the tall one who used to be a beanpole size 4 but now is anywhere from an 8 to a 12, depending upon brand. I don't have the first idea how to diet since I never had to until the last few years and my look is pretty much average in every way. I've gone from being the girl called "legs" to OMG my thighs touch (and then some)! Know that we all struggle with body image in some way or another. Having a sister who's been battling bulimia for over 20 years helps me put things into perspective. Like you, she has some demons in her past to exorcize, but honestly her being heavier would be healthier than all she's put her body through.
16 January 2009
nitza19
Honeylioness - inflation for your thoughts, I like it
On a more serious note, I don't know what I can say that can adequately express my feelings for what you have gone through. It just breaks open my heart that someone as thoughtful, and generous, and kind, and friendly as yourself should have to experience that kind of violation, much less the lingering terror, damaged self-image, and endless nagging worries that came after.I am so glad that hawk said what he did, and I do realize it is impossible to believe, but chances are he means every word. We women tend to care exponentially more about the way we look than our men do. I have been both bigger and smaller while with my SO, and he says he likes me both ways. I of course assume that is BS. But it probably really is true, to him. (although really, when I bring out a plate of food for him and lay it on the table, the residual glow from his happiness at the food probably makes me look like Angelina Jolie!).
But I earnestly plead that you do not let something like weight keep you from Vegas. Because there are dozens of girls/women who won't get in that pool--the one who's too big, the one who's too scrawny, the one with the too small top or the too big bottom, the one who weighs 100 lbs but sees twice that when she looks in the mirror... if you shrink or if you grow, you have a tremendous heart and bring kindness and sympathy to even a group of far-flung women you've never met. How lovely and loveable that makes you
[and p.s. I hate hate hate hate to exercise. HATE. I don't understand that "fun" thing either.]Firebird
Honeylioness-- I salute your intense courage by coming out about this to the board. Let me second/third/fourth everyone else and say that looks are far from the focal point of our gathering. Other than being in utter awe at sapphire's fashion sense, I can't remember ever even thinking about someone's physical appearance beyond, "Wow, she looks really different than I pictured!" which, as I told startsmart, has happened with each and every WIR I've met so far, with one exception-- Toasty
. Yup, Madame Toast, I had a pretty dang accurate picture of you in my head! And you are quite lovely.
So fear not that we will judge you based on your looks, friend. As wise women have said before me, we ALL have our issues. I recently began running again-- it's fantastic and I'm having fun with it, and I'll likely be in pretty good shape by Vegas. But guess what-- for the first time in more than a year, I am in debt! Yeah, my wonderful financial plans somewhat crumbled about my ears. We all have our issues-- be they physical, emotional, fiscal, psychotic (Iseedeadpeople), etc.
Darling, we love you, and that is all we see when we look at you-- someone we love. This is a sisterhood, not a beauty pageant. I guarantee that if you come out, you'll be in for one hell of a good time with people who will make you wonder how you could ever feel less than fabulous about the person you are.
Did I mention I miss you guys? A lot?
19 January 2009
First off – let me say how overwhelmed I was by the loving and supportive responses I received to my posting last week. I will confess that I stayed away from reading them for a day or so – just because I knew I would probably cry for one reason or another – and of course I did.
My home PC is trying to die, or commit suicide at least on the hard drive side – so I was unable to post this during the weekend. I am at work but headed home now – I only came in to enter timecards so people can get paid. I ate some bad shellfish Saturday night and have been paying for it ever since. Pretty pathetic when you cannot even keep down water.
Crawling back to bed, I will catch up when I can. Hopefully I can post my totals so far tomorrow.
Thank you again for all your warm and understanding remarks to my angst about my weight. You are truly and amazing group of women.
*******
Okay....back home and the tummy is behaving for the moment. So I thought I would share my LOVELY Weekend (Warning: intense sarcasm at work).
So here in Northern Mass. we have been having the coldest winter in YEARS. Temperatures at -degrees night after night and winds that bring it down even more.
The condo to right angles of me has been vacant since New Year's Eve when the tenants moved out. And since then no-one has seen as much as a glimpse of the woman who owns it. I bet you can all see where this is going. The tenants turned off the heat and, we learned Saturday, the stupid owner decided that she did not want to spend the money for heat, or water by keeping the faucets dripping. So at about 1:00pm Saturday I heard the sound of rushing water. At first I thought "Hey, it must have warmed up enough so that the snow is melting off the roof and is running down the drain pipes" .... ummm.....NOT !!!!
The pipes in the unit's bathroom on the third level had busted. And full city water pressure was causing it to cascade out of the siding, down the building and it looked like Niagra Falls coming off the deck over her garage door. We also saw water flowing out from under the second floor sliding doors that lead to the kitchen. So myself and the other trustees made several calls: Water/Sewer department, the owner's cell, and the owner of the unit next door that share a common wall with that bathroom.
Fast forward TWO hours - the owner had only returned one call. Told us she was "busy" and "of course" the Association would take care of it right? ... WRONG! I had to get agressive and tell her to get her A$$ up here NOW. As it was about 13 degrees outside you can imagine what was happening to the water pouring into the parking lot.
She finally showed up almost 2.5 hours later. By then we had the other owner, cops, fire department, DPW, Property Manager AND a locksmith we called to pick the locks on the condo so we could get in. When they opened the garage door a wave rushed out.
The entire unit will have to be gutted. Ceilings in kitchen and garage were sagging and collapsed. Carpets and some sub flooring is trashed along with interior drywall both in her unit and next door. AND it seems she thought she did not need homeowners insurance since it is a "condo" and she rents it out. She even got nasty with the cop filing the report who tried to get her to understand that all the repairs on both units are HER responsibility.
Honestly, if you have no clue as to what is involved aside from paying the mortgage you should not own property. I predict she is going to default to the bank and try to walk away. At wich time the association may purchase the unit for rental income.
SES - I knew what a "piker" was and could almost envision how many cookbooks you must be hoarding above and beyond Angel's list.
Tears of joy. I'll email you later and we'll talk about layaway. My mother gave me a yo-yo quilt when I was younger. It was stored in my father's mothers attic when I was at college. My uncles in a snit about stuff in the attic took all of my things and put them in an old car that they then filled with garbage. I didn't know my quilt was in there til years later. My heart breaks every time I think of it.