February 2012

[Honeylioness]

Honeylioness - Feb 12, 2012, 2:15am


February update:

11/25 CSD
10/25 NEO


Hello ladies - yes, it's me. I did not actually fall off the face of the earth - just took a hiatus of sorts for my own peace of mind.

I wish I could report that I have landed the perfect job that only requires me to work 30 hours a week and pays me a base of $80k - but alas. That is not the case. In fact I am finding this entire process quite disheartening. To-date I have sent out over 60 individualized cover letters with resume to a wide variety of companies - and have applied to more via websites that did not have the option of cover letters. I am signed up with two agencies, search a variety of websites and have maxed out the three months of transition counseling my former employer paid for.

And what do I have to show for all this?

Four phone screenings, two agency interviews and NO actual client/employer interviews at all. It's hard to stay positive and focused in the face of such an overwhelming lack of response.

So as 3cats shared - I am struggling with my own depression. As a result I find myself isolating more and more. While I know intellectually this is not as helpful in the long run - it is a hard habit to break. Especially when you are an introvert by nature.


On the money front - I am okay for the moment. I still get Unemployment and have the balance of my severance money still in my account. I am starting to look into alternative health insurance for March if I am still not working then. February was covered by the money my employer gave me to cover three months worth of COBRA. However if I was to pay for the same coverage myself - it runs $547 a month for medical, prescription and basic dental. I don't really want to use the Massachusetts State health plan, but it may be the only option financially.


I did complete my income taxes last week, and I am glad I chose in the beginning to have the state collect their income tax up front. Even so, it seems I will owe the State $5. Well - on principal alone they will have to wait until April.

On the Federal side the news is a LOT better. I learned that I could deduct my COBRA payments in my itemized deductions. WHOOOO HOOOO. The Feds owe my $3200. I e-filed and will have the funds direct deposited into my savings account - hopefully in the next couple of weeks.


And since I have the time to actually look at some other things, I made an appointment with a Financial Planner. This is a man who led a seminar I attended through the Outplacement company last month. He works for Morgan Stanley, and from my introductory meetings with him and in looking into the company I feel comfortable with him and his style. I will be consolidating an old Rollever from an old job, my most recent 401(k) account and my cash out / rollover option for my recent employer's pension into one rollover IRA account. I want to have just one account to keep track of.

I will also be looking into finding an attorney to help draft some other necessary paperwork: Will, Durable Power of Attorney, Living Will and Directive for Health Care.

****************************************************

ses - Feb 12, 2012, 5:57pm

3cats--I agree with you 100% I have also missed the tight connections we used to find here. And I also admit I am partially at fault. I have been more affected by seasonal depression than ever before. Probably due to some health issues a couple of months ago I headed into the season more susceptible than than in years past. And as Honey mentioned, it is hard to bring myself out when I tend to be a bit of an introvert to begin with.

The kitties are doing well. Lately Onyx has been very needy, if a lap is empty it is her obligation to fill it, and any idle hand truly should be petting her (if Calleigh doesn't get there first).

I am, however, getting a little tired of hearing the cat fights over sharing the cat toys. Calleigh will play with anything she can find. Onyx, on the other hand, likes to hide any toys and treasures she finds under the towel in her basket. She gets quite upset with me when i find them and throw them back into play. They both are quite enamored with the new bay window. So am I when I watch Onyx in the snow we got a couple of days ago. A very shiny black Onyx tries to crouch and hide behind a small, very small, snow encrusted shrub and prepare to pounce on one of the birds sitting overhead on the phone line. As if they can't see her.

spruby--I am still on the job, as it were. This Friday I will be working for the first time since Dec. 12, due to budget cuts. I will only work an average of 20-25 hours a MONTH, unless the budget is increased. And I don't see that happening too soon. If there is more demand I might get an extra day here and there. I haven't done my taxes yet to know how the extra income will affect them.

Honey--
I will also be looking into finding an attorney to help draft some other necessary paperwork: Will, Durable Power of Attorney, Living Will and Directive for Health Care.

Me, too. Don't know why I keep procrastinating. Maybe you can motivate me.

Moneysquirrel--I know what you mean about "life happening"--and I don't even have much of a life! I need to stop and take care of today's excitement--change the laundry to the dryer.

One of the things occupying my mind lately is the national political nonsense. I am so tired of all the name calling, I'd like to hear some specific plans from any of them. Our country is so much closer to the position Greece is currently in than any one will admit. The Greek citizens, those who were lucky enough to have jobs, already had to suck up 20% pay cuts and now here comes another 20% cut. I don't know if I could handle a 36% cut in a years' time.
I truly want to be positive, but it is so hard.


startsmart - Feb 12, 2012, 7:33pm

honey- it's certainly tough out there and I for one am impressed at your stamina with all those resumes and cover letters!

ses- I don't know if you saw it on Facebook but I was watching "Cat From Hell" on the plane about a cat whisperer when a cat got loose on my flight! Freaked me out! Although the escapee was very friendly and the owner apologetic, I thought it was hilarious that I would be watching that show when the cat popped up one row ahead of mine. Love your kitty stories even though I'm a dog person ;D

[Honeylioness]

startsmart - Feb 12, 2012, 7:33pm


Thoughts on chattiness and my own posting:

I traveled this past week with the accountability buddy I've had for the last 4 months and there were several times I need time away from her purely based on her outlook and attitude. One of the things that I recognized is that life is very challenging, it always has been and things are not magically going to be perfect anytime soon. BUT the mindset and attitude I have can make things more difficult or easier to handle.

When I'm surrounding myself with people who generally complain, whine, whimper, pout, rant, doubt, and downplay the awesome, amazing things around us then I get pulled into a very negative space. I know that I, and everyone else, deserves a little rant now and then but in many ways I've found that the boards in general can be a huge downer.

Almost 2 years ago now blue eyes and I decided to stop reading/watching the news as carefully and also unsubscribed to a lot of blogs. Not because we're reclusive but because they are all influencers and affect our moods, outlook and attitudes.

It's not just Murphy.

It was extremely frustrating to me when a former client would blame anything and everything on the stage of the moon or Mercury in retrograde. It was a huge cop out. Here I feel the same about Murphy. Sure, I've had times when bad stuff happened or a lot of bad stuff and it was horrible. Flat tire on top of utility hike on top of car work, etc. And when I got all whiny and down y'all kicked me in the tail and told me to snap out of it!

Our financial problems are not all Murphy, sometimes it's being ill prepared or not thinking ahead or accounting for some expense. But over the 4 years I've been a member of this group at some point we shifted from encouraging and challenging each other and began to whine and coddle a lot more.

Because the group dynamic has changed (and please let me be clear, this is not directed at any one person or people, there are way too many people involved coming and going to ever understand the why nor is it my intention to blame!) I'm not around as much or I don't respond to posts as often. I still try to update since it's somewhat easier than emailing everyone here who I care about separately but the overall attitude makes it difficult for me to be as involved as I once was because I'm shielding myself to some degree.

Over the past few years I stopped watching tv. I don't like commercials or advertising, I despise reality television and bars and thus most of my community support is here, online. Just like the decision to stop watching shows that evoke a negative attitude in me I'm not around here much because of the same reason. Working with people who get me and challenge me and where there's a healthy balance of give and take has allowed me to make big strides in my business and personal life. So I'm focusing more of my attention there as a result.


3catslady - Feb 12, 2012, 9:23pm

startsmart; You are right that we (I) use "Murphy" as an excuse for our (my) lack of planning, but there is no one here to call us (me) out on it like they used to. So we just go about our way and fumble. I am not happy where I am and I have no idea how to change except to do it drastically. I am too old to go that route so I complain and say Murphy came by. Where is the tough love that was here 2 years ago? Where are the suggestions that flew onto the pages 2 years ago? Some of those people are not here because they got tired of helping? Or they just had more problems of their own and needed time to sort them out. Sometimes I feel like I am letting everybody give me advice instead of figuring things out for myself. There are times when I really need someone to talk to and no one is around because they are all doing their thing with their life and I feel left out. I need that kick in the pants to get me going. You people are not my only life but I don't like my RL and I am afraid to get out there and live. I am so tired of being hurt by what is going on in RL and I don't want to tell anyone so I just keep it to myself. That takes me down into depression and there goes the spiral. I am just putting things down that get to me sometime and not really wanting an answer just the affirmation that that is life. I only watch a few programs on tv. I hate commercials and the news just makes me sick. I don't go to bars because I can't drink and some of the people in them are not in touch with reality. I am tired of hiding my true feelings and crying myself to sleep each night because I don't have the courage to speak out. I keep reading the "Don't Quit" sign posted on my desk and writing in my journals. I don't know where to go next. DB and DSIL have divorced so I don't have that place to go to and GF has been having more trouble with her place and her 2 girls that I feel like I am intruding so I have been staying away from there. I do go down once a month because I need to get away from work. DS has been keeping his distance and the kids have been quiet so there is no complaint there other than the hot water heater which he fixed so I don't have to buy one out of the income tax. Maybe I will just take the chance and drive out of the area for a weekend and just get away from everybody.

Sorry about the long post. I just wanted to get some things out of my system.


mizbear - Feb 12, 2012, 9:33pm

I don't blame Murphy so much- BUT- I haven't figured out how to evict those things (people) which I have no control over. Things here seem to go fairly smooth when people IRL leave me alone generally (I know that sounds very snarky). I don't like being bothered by other people anymore out here. DM has an excuse for everything and I am tired of cleaning up the mess.

I can't kick her out- she has no where to go.

But I am totally off kilter with her living here.


moneysquirrel - Feb 12, 2012, 11:34pm

OK I figured I would try to check in tonight again since who knows what tomorrow brings.

3cats -- I am sorry that you have to deal with so much in RL. I know that things have not been rosy with your situation with DS and DIL. Will the split up help you?

Muttley -- I never check the boards from work. Because of the amount of technology we have at school they monitor everything. There is the need with the students but I only use the school computer for educational purposes. That includes not even checking my personal email while at work. I decided that on the off chance my computer is being checked that they didn't need to know my personal business. I know that other teachers may but I don't.

Honey -- I am hoping that something turns up for you soon. You are a very talented person and they are crazy for not jumping on your resume asap. Remember to take things one day at a time. It was the only way I got through those days after DH's passing. Also,I haven't looked at my taxes yet. I usually use my Mardi Gras break to work on them. I try to figure it out prior to giving it all to my DB who does them for me -- he is a cpa and has turbo tax. He has been doing this for me since my DH passed and I really appreciate it. I usually can nail the federal tax but the state taxes are more complicated for my situation. I am hoping that I break out even. I also was able for the first time this current school year to contribute to the 401K so I am hoping that will help with taxes. I will have to wait and see if it helped.


3catslady - Feb 13, 2012, 8:13am

money; DS and DIL did not split. DBro and DSIL did. They had a place in the mountains that had a very peaceful retreat that I would go to but I don't have that place to go to any more. I still have my GF's home to go to but she is having trouble with her 2 girls and the remodeling of her home. It has taken over a year to get her place to where it is now. She still has the walls and floors to do. To top that off, the one floor joist has to be replaced because it has broken and there are still other windows that need fixed.


sheilaincali - Feb 13, 2012, 10:33am

We stayed at home most of the weekend. Didn't leave the house except to take DS to his YIG meeting for Model UN. His country is Poland this year. He is quite excited and looking forward to the whole MUN season.

Start: I understand a lot of where you are coming from. At home we try to cut the negativity out of our lives. We don't watch a lot of negative tv shows and try to avoid negative websites. I don't really post anything negative on FB. However, I don't know if I necessarily get a super negative vibe from our threads though. Its been a rough winter with people laid off and generally busy so comments are down some. I will admit there are some times I scan rather than fully read things.

I would like to apologize if any thing I have said in the past has been overly negative or I have not been taking full responsbility for my actions. I have been here going on 5 years I think and over that time I have learned a lot. I don't want to make it seem like I don't still need you all but lately our lives have fallen into such a routine and working pattern that not enough happens for me to really write about. If that makes sense.


sheilaincali - Feb 13, 2012, 10:33am

We stayed at home most of the weekend. Didn't leave the house except to take DS to his YIG meeting for Model UN. His country is Poland this year. He is quite excited and looking forward to the whole MUN season.

Start: I understand a lot of where you are coming from. At home we try to cut the negativity out of our lives. We don't watch a lot of negative tv shows and try to avoid negative websites. I don't really post anything negative on FB. However, I don't know if I necessarily get a super negative vibe from our threads though. Its been a rough winter with people laid off and generally busy so comments are down some. I will admit there are some times I scan rather than fully read things.

I would like to apologize if any thing I have said in the past has been overly negative or I have not been taking full responsbility for my actions. I have been here going on 5 years I think and over that time I have learned a lot. I don't want to make it seem like I don't still need you all but lately our lives have fallen into such a routine and working pattern that not enough happens for me to really write about. If that makes sense.


nuttinhoney7 - Feb 13, 2012, 1:41pm

i know i was never a big contributor but I have been on even less since I was let got from my job. I don't have as much time now that I am home full time with my son, and honestly don't feel I have that much to add. Winter doesn't usually bother me but this year it had, probably because of the job loss as well. I will try to check in and read up more often, but I have to admit I have been more scanning than reading lately.

I wish I could enjoy this time at home with my son, but it is hard when I am worried about money all the time. I get unemployment, and my husband is still working so it could be worse. But I am half way through my unemployment, and still no luck. I have applied to everything I could think of in the area, and some out of state even, done several apps online and still nothing. I have started applying to jobs at Cornell, even though it would be an hour commute there and an hour commute back because of traffic. Hopefully I will get some response here soon.


sheilaincali - Feb 13, 2012, 2:12pm

nutting and honey- I feel so bad for both of you going through this bout of unemployment. I was there with you during the entire 2009 year. Its rougher out there than people will admit. I get so frustrated when the people on YM are all "I could get a job within a week if I got laid off" that simply isn't the reality anymore. I have noticed things looking up more where I live and I hope you both get some positive responses soon. Sending you both good luck ju ju.


startsmart - Feb 13, 2012, 2:49pm

Somewhat Finance Related Update

So I wanted to share some things that I'd alluded to and shared with a few people but have really been nervous about lately (and how I turned it into a positive mindset).

Basically when I "officially" started my own business back in August I could only see a few avenues to making "good money" in the six figure range. That was the dream: make a good income, leverage my time and have some financial freedom to travel more.

Well, two weeks ago I was blown away by the opportunity to work in a business that has an annual income goal of 9 figures. Over $100M. And instead of it being a small role I would be taking on a lot of responsibility and earning a LOT more money in a short period of time.

And, well, I freaked out. [image] I spoke with blue eyes, with a few trusted friends and I began to see two sides. Side A was the people who supported me unconditionally, helped me see the potential and rewards (not just the money) and encouraged me to go for it and offered their help. Side B was the people who tried to talk me out of it for selfish reasons, asked for money I didn't yet have or somehow tried to get a piece of the opportunity without understanding or providing value.

In the midst of all that I flew to New York for 2 days with my coach and mastermind group to sort out what I was going to do. A single 20 minute session with 5 other women who told me to step through the fear and doubt and worry and embrace this amazing opportunity changed everything. And a private session with another colleague helped me identify why I was anxious about this new client.

So yeah, I freaked out, hyperventilated, obsessed over the fact I'd be working with a billionaire and then, I got what I needed. I spoke with rational and caring people in my support network who gave me confidence that even though it may not be easy, that this is worth it for me and the business. Their words and encouragement and support has propelled me through the really tough decision time and I'm working now to secure the contract and deliver to this amazing client all she needs to built a business empire.

Still scared, still have moments of doubt and worry but my whining didn't help me. Getting loving support made all the difference.

(It's not so much the scale of the issue either, even in the past when smaller things came up for me this group and others were there to support me. Sometimes the "small" things are big and it's hard to deal with alone.)

[Honeylioness]

mrslynch - Feb 13, 2012, 3:21 pm

After careful consideration, I think I'm pulling out of the thread permanently. I don't feel like I belong here anymore. Perhpas that this is one of the reasons I've been MIA for so long.

I just want to say thank you to all of you for being there to support me through good times and bad. I wish nothing but the best for all of you and for those who I'm friends with on FB, I hope we can still keep up with each other over there. And azmom and shanen, you two will not be getting rid of me that easily. I assure you of that.

My journey out of debt and into controlling my spending would not have been the same without you all in it. I will always be grateful for your encouragement and kind words and the difference you all have made in my life.

I wish all of you the best of luck in all that you choose to do. I know you will all be successful.

[Honeylioness]

shanendoah - Feb 13, 2012, 4:21pm

I know it sometimes doesn't seem like it, but we have all shared positive things this month. I just went through the thread and wrote them down. So now I am going to share with you one positive thing from every poster so far this month.

(Poster names are in order of when they first posted on the February thread, though the positive thing could be from any of their posts.)


startsmart: 9 figure business opportunity
pointy: 30 no QVC days in January
sheilaincali: DH has had a job all winter and the folks from his Nov. interview are still interested
mizbear: DM's truck has been repaired, and it's lucky DS was driving it, or you might have lost him, as well (doesn't always feel like a positve, I know )
redwagon: Drunk Fridays
sbcalimom: started focusing on budgeting more and you like the software you have to help you with it (makes it easier to stick with)
spruby: not only do you have a plan for leaving the job you don't like, you have an amazing network who have decided to make it their mission to help you achieve that goal
moneysquirrel: It's Margi Gras season! And you have the option of the free French Quarter Festival
mittenkitten: The floors are all installed and wonderful
muttley: Congrats on only being 1lb away from your target weight range!
dakota: DH's new vehicle came in $1,000 UNDER budget
3cats: You had a cushion that could handle purchasing a new laptop, car repairs AND faucet repairs with some left over! And DS fixed the water heater. Think of how far you've come!
financialpeace: interviewed for and got a temp job that's actually a step up from you'd been doing before
ses: the bay window makes your entire household happy
mrslynch: launching a graphic design business
honey: despite all the setbacks, you still have UE, your severance package, and you're getting a tax refund. Plus you are moving forward in your financial planning
nuttin: you still have UE, DH is still working, you are looking at opportunities you might otherwise have ignored. And, you do have a little more time home with DS.


spruby -Feb 13, 2012, 8:23pm

shan - thanks for posting all the positives - always nice to read.

I love the board. I admit it - you ladies are my friends. When you don't post I worry about you. When you do post I'm cheering you on or sending you good thoughts! Does it make a difference - I don't know - but I prefer to add a little positive karma.

We've cut back on some news input - but bad economic news keeps me employed - so I'll always be exposed to that.

We've also cut back in many areas and are saving up and decluttering - I feel like something big and exciting and scary is just around the corner and I want to be ready to meet it.

I feel like the world - and many of us - is pretty unsettled these days and we are all trying to settle into whatever the new normal is or create a new normal.

shan - I made the mistake of letting dealing with my mom/family impact how I lived - or really didn't live my life - until she passed away. You & DH are doing the right thing by moving on to what is important to you. And I totally envy your 3 dogs!

3cats - just big hugs. How is church these days - any church retreats you could go on? Also, have you ever though about house sitting? Kind of like a vacation close to home.

honey - please don't forget you have a network here for you - I'm not 100% on what kind of job you are looking for - but I have a couple friends in the Boston area - I'm happy to ask about openings if you point me in the right direction

mizbear - two things - read the quote on your profile. Time to start finding your DM a new place. Look for subsidized senior assisted living. I know you are in MD - if you PM where exactly I am happy to do some research for you - I went through this with my mom and frankly was in better shape to deal than you are and it almost killed me - literally.

ses - are you still playing in the market? how is that going? my stocks are terrible - but not doing too much either.

[Honeylioness]

shanendoah - Feb 14, 2012, 11:31am

Question of the week: I know lots of us are feeling a little out of control right now, whether it be about finances or life in general. So my question is, what is one thing you do that helps you feel like you are in control- of finances, of life, whatever?

Challenge of the week: While I hope you are doing the thing that helps you feel in control, that's not actually my challenge for this week. One of the ways of countering depression and feeling down is to actively count the positives- even if they are little positives. I have friends whose goal is to post something they are thankful for every day on FB for the entire year. I'm not asking us to go that far, but my challenge to you this week is every day from today through President's day, write down something positive about your life, something you are thankful for. You can post it here, or you can keep it on scraps of paper lying around your house- but actually write it down. Then read it out loud. These don't have to be big, profound ideas. They can be the simplest thing in the world. If you're having a really rough day, maybe the only positive thing you can see is that you woke up still breathing that morning. To quote one of John Carter's most used lines (in the Edgar Rice Burroughs books, don't know if he'll say it in the movie) "Where there's life, there's hope."

My answers:

QOTW
Tracking my spending. Putting down in my spreadsheet where every penny goes helps me feel in control, even if it seems like we're spending out of control. At least I know where and why, and that gives me the tools to fix it if it needs to be fixed.

Challenge
I am thankful for a husband and a roommmate who enjoy cooking


mizbear - Feb 14, 2012, 11:53am

QOTW- Listening to music and writing. Even if I delete it. It helps me get centered and tune out all of the negative vibes here (TBear and ZBear sometimes think I grew headphones at birth). It doesn't matter whether I tweak my budget, make to do lists or what. And lots of tunes.

Challenge- I am thankful that I am only dealing directly with my DMs drama and I still have control over MY budget and finances.


ses - Feb 14, 2012, 8:05pm

Feb 13, 2012, 8:23pm, spruby wrote:I feel like the world - and many of us - is pretty unsettled these days and we are all trying to settle into whatever the new normal is or create a new normal.

Spruby, you said a mouthful right there. I think a lot of my "unsettlement" (if there is such a word) is in trying to figure out my new normal.

Over the last four years here and the year before when I just lurked I have figured how to manage and correct my financial issues. Now it is mostly just a matter of accountability--which can be so boring. At least there was excitement or something in the "reaching control" stage. I was never really out of control, just sort of oblivious. I am much more aware now and in a better place. I am not so concerned for myself but when I take a world view I see how shaky things are. I feel we are in a state of denial worldwide. I deplore the fact that we as a nation can't find a (or many) positive compromise(s)

I am encouraged by the progress made by those of us here (a shout out to 3cats--our stellar member) but worry for those who are still out there hurting.

QOTW-- I had to chuckle as I read this and thought of all my various lists--some accomplished some not. Just the act of making them brings a sense of control. And amusement when I find one forgotten from years ago. Another calming action (and I think smartstart will agree) is cuddling with a kittty or a puppy, whichever is closest.

COTW-- This is something that we must never forget--to be aware of our blessings--even it it is waking in the morning. This is a wonderful world, we need to remember this everyday, even if we can only see small portions at a time.


moneysquirrel - Feb 14, 2012, 10:30pm

QOTW -- I love my Excel. It makes me feel in control of something. I like doing the charts and exploring the other possibilities of the program. It allows me to see things in black and white and color where I have my strenghts and weaknesses.

COTW -- I am grateful for all the people in my life both in RL and online.


MittenKitten - Feb 15, 2012, 11:07am

Bye all, have a great rest of the week!

Be positive! I challenge you all to work on doing something good for yourself. Be it plan a vacation, eat more healthy, start exercising, meditating whatever. Change begins within yourself. If you keep doing the same thing you will have the same result.

burnt out on financial accountability

I think I'm less chatty because I know to accept responsibility for my financial setbacks. I know how to do better, I just choose not to. I don't feel I need the financial advice as much. I make my decisions and I accept the consequences. You guys are all great, but I do have to agree with startsmart's assessment that it can be a bit of a downer on here. And I'm not likely to share more positive news because I don't want those going through tough times to get mad at me or feel worse or something like that. Sometimes I feel like I HAVE to come on here to check in rather than WANT to these days. And it's not about the people (you guys are my online buddies) but the general vibe most of the time. But mainly I'm just tired, like muttley said. It's hard to focus on money and weight loss and career at the same time. And throw into the mix the fact that we're trying to start a family... something's gotta slide.

QOTW: working out more has really helped me feel like I'm taking charge of me. I eat better as a result, I sleep better (unless I pull something), and I'm glad I'm doing that for myself.

COTW: I'm thankful for my husband (stressed as he is right now between work and school). I'm thankful for my parents. I'm thankful I'm feeling as good as I am without my meds (aka having a baby might not be the most miserable 9 months of my life).

[Honeylioness]

3catslady - Feb 15, 2012, 9:28pm

Gee; I am sorry I started this whole thing. Maybe I will just get off and just write in my journal. I just wanted to get some chat going and I find that everybody wants to get away from the downward spiral. I feel like I am dragging you all down there. See you all after I get this straightened out.


startsmart - Feb 15, 2012, 11:24pm

3cats- never feel sorry for speaking up! I know that personally after my trip to New York I felt it was time to share and that happened to coincide with your comment. It's not you dragging anyone down - I don't think that any one person "runs" the mood of the group. You have my email if you ever want to chat privately and please keep posting. I believe that your transformation is one of our best accomplishments as a group and you are the woman who took personal responsibility by the horns and determined her own destiny these past 3-4 years. Part of the reason I spoke up because there are so many others out there who are in a tough spot, much as you were, who could use the encouragement and support of this group.


shanendoah - Feb 16, 2012, 11:55am

Sorry I wasn't on yesterday, I was getting my braces off! (So that's yesterday's positive thing.)

Today's positive thing is that I LOVE the Bengal Spice tea I have in my drawer at work. It just makes the day so much better when you're drinking something you really adore.

3cats: Don't go. We all need support, especially when we're feeling down. Even though it's been a mild winter, weather wise, in many places, this seems to have been a really rough winter for a lot of people emotionally. And when people are down is when they need their support groups most.

NO ONE wants you to go away or stop talking. What we want to do is readjust our own thinking. Sometimes when the overall mood goes down, people who have good news to share don't because they feel like they're bragging or rubbing it other people's faces. That's the thinking we need to get over.

We WANT to hear the good news. Good news for one is good news for all.

That's actually one of the reasons I joined the WIR. I felt like if I talked to our RL friends about our finances it would sound like whining to those doing better than us and bragging to those doing worse. I wasn't trying to do either. I was just trying to talk things out to help me get a better handle on it. So I came here, a place I felt I wouldn't be judged either way.

We need to get ourselves back to the place where no one feels like they are being judged here. Come to us for help and advice or just share what you want to share. We will sympathize or celebrate with you, as necessary. But bring it all.

What have we said before, over and over again, we subscribe to the "whole life" theory of personal finances on this board. Every part of our lives has an effect on the way we view and spend our money. That means the bad and the good. And we all need to be comfortable sharing both.

On the financial note: last two days were both spends. On Tuesday, it turns out the lunch I'd brought wasn't microwavable. I would have just skipped lunch except that I'd given blood and was starting to feel "off". So I went and got a piece of pizza from the cafeteria. Yesterday I had the dentist copay and then we got Qdoba for dinner.


MittenKitten - Feb 19, 2o12 at 2:55pm

3cats: I second what others have said. Stay, this just has been a hard year for many but we each need support. Your story is what this board is all about. Honestly to me you are the rockstar of our thread. You took a nasty situation and pulled yourself up by your boot straps. You took accountablility for what you had done and not done and CHANGED it. You quit enabling your son and made him be responsible for his stuff, you paid off various accounts you had, you worked on saving and watching what you spend and a lot more.

honey: I feel for you, I know how hard it is to find a job in this economy, especially when you are making more then $30,000 a year. That is why DF couldn't find a job and only did once unemployment ran out. He is still making $60,000 a year LESS then what he was in 2008. He lost count of the places he had applied but it was in the hundreds. Life does go on and you are a strong woman you WILL be okay.


moneysquirrel - Feb 19, 2012 at 5:00pm

3cats -- Please stay. As others have stated in earlier posts you are our biggest success story. In the time you have been with us you have made so much progress and have brought so much joy to our lives. Many of us are still using our gifts which you so generously gave to us. Your progress with money control as well as your growth in dealing with your family issues has been on a steady incline.

Honey - Glad you are keeping up with us. Hang in there I believe that your opportunity is on the horizon.

[Honeylioness]

mizbear - Feb 19, 2012 at 1:45pm

I need to throw a question out to everyone. It's still only in theory right now, because DM still has her vehicle, but it is something we are thinking about seriously.

I have a $268/month car payment. DM does not drive a lot and my little 5 door hatchback is ample for what we need and is excellent on gas. We have considered selling her gas guzzling SUV and going to 1 vehicle. She would pay me half of my car payment and for half of the gas we use. She would also pay for half of the maintenance that is not covered by my maintenance package and we would split the car insurance.

DMs car payment is $390/month due to several upside down trades. We no longer need a large SUV/ mini-van size vehicle. It is a V8, fully loaded.

I personally think we are going to have to pay down/pay off DMs vehicle in order to make this work because otherwise she will take a hit on the SUV. It is upside down even in excellent condition before DB wrecked it.

DM has started talking about trading the SUV- and I think it is a financial mistake. It will just put her upside down again.

I have no intention of selling my vehicle until it is paid off.


My current budget looks like this (hence why I am not playing games with DM)

$912 (monthly income)

$168 (my portion of rent- this was my rent before DM moved in- would not have gone up if she hadn't moved in)
$125 (utility allowance- has never gone over this in 3 years- DM pays everything over this- like her cable and phone)
$270 (car payment- I round it up- when I can I make $300 payments, to allow me to get it paid off early)
$90 (insurance- car and renter's- still decreasing- went up a bit when I started driving a financed car with a hatchback)
$20 (medication co-pays)
$55 (tuition- interest free)

I have to rework my grocery and gas budgets because of some changes that were made.

I also don't have the clarinet payment hanging over me if you notice.

DB doesn't see how I make this work every month. I really like pasta. ;D


ses - Feb 19, 2012 at 10:22pm

Mizbear--don't have time to really be on the computer but wanted to suggest you check into getting rid of DM's SUV as soon as possible, even if you have to take a loss. With $5 gasoline predicted as soon as May in some parts of the country you may not be able to get rid of it very easily in a few months. I would try talking to a banker, or whomever holds the loan, and see what could be worked out. Play up her medical issues, perhaps it will make her more sympathetic. You may have to get a personal loan to cover the loss, but that would be better than not getting rid of it at all. You could probably find the money since she is used to a car payment anyway, just consider it the cost of getting rid of a bad debt while you can. I am sure that this will be an issue for many in the coming months, maybe you can beat the crowd. It would probably pay off in the long run.

I am amazed and in awe of your money management skills. Don't let these curve balls throw you off track.

[Honeylioness]

MittenKitten - Feb 21, 2012 at 11:53am

Question of the Week: For those who are not retired, what savings plan do you have in place? What is your retirement plan?

Challenge of the Week: Either set up a retirement account you have been putting off OR to put money into your retirement fund.


MittenKitten - Feb 21, 2012 at 11:56am

QOTW: For my retirement I hope to retire by 60. I have a pension that will pay me around $450 a month starting at age 55, I have a tradition IRA with funds I transferred from a 401K and I have a Roth IRA. Since I am not sure I will be able to accumulate enough in those accounts I also have an investment account I activily manage.

COTW: I think I already maxed out my contribution for this year but will double check.


shanendoah - Feb 21, 2012 at 1:01pm

QOTW: We have my 403(b) plan from work. DH wants to start looking in to some after tax retirement accounts (ones we won't have to pay taxes on when we start taking money out of them). This is a huge step since before, he never even wanted to talk about retirement beyond my work contribution.

Right now, the hope is that once he gets accepted to a MS (possible PhD) program for math, not only won't it cost us money to send him to school, he'll actually be paid to get his degree (fellowships and all). Since we're used to living on my income alone, any money he makes can go straight to major improvement projects on our house and saving for retirement.

Our retirement goal is still to be able to open our own no kill dog rescue, complete with kennels.

COTW: My retirement contribution is set to go up automatically in April, which is the same month raises kick in here at work. My contribution goes up 1% so I never see that part of the raise and never miss it. We also need to do some research in to other retirement accounts and see what we would need to at least start funding them.


mizbear - Feb 21, 2012 at 3:20pm

QOTW/ COTW- I do not have a retirement plan right now because of the screwy rules regarding savings/assets and all of the other stuff with me. I am trying to figure that out. Right now my biggest thing is I try to make sure that I keep very little debt.

Still planning on moving everything possible this week.

[Honeylioness]

Honeylioness - Feb 21, 2012 at 5:14pm


For Everyone: I have read all the posts, replies, views, commentaries and opinions regarding the current situations we all find, or feel, ourselves in.

I had considered all sorts of different replies I might make. However I decided against most of them.

Just like in life - it is never anyone else's responsibility for how WE feel. How we feel about what others say, or do, or NOT say/do is our responsibility. Each person is responsible for how they feel about things.

That is not to say that at times we can feel a bit overwhelmed by situations which are out of our control. God knows I have been there quite a bit over the last several months. How we deal with those feelings I believe is the important factor. Not that I can hold myself up as any sort of prime example in this regard. I have days where I have slept too much, smoked too much, not spent as much time each day as I "should" working my connections or job search. But I try to not beat myself up TOO much over these failures and say "I will do better tomorrow".

I many ways I feel lucky that at this time I am not married, and have no children or students in the house right now. While I sometimes think they would help me keep to a more regular schedule - at others I am glad to not have to stretch my budget to cover other mouths to feed.

I appreciate each and every one of you here. I appreciate being able to see that I am not the only one who struggles with money or feelings of "blah" or sadness. I value your friendship and viewpoints. Even if you think you have not impacted me - you have. And will continue to do so - even if you are away from our threads - either temporarily or for good.

[Honeylioness]

Honeylioness - Feb 21, 2012 at 5:19pm


Update:

19 CSD / 19 NEO


3cats - I did get your card, and e-mail. Thank you so much for the former and as to the e-mail - While I am not sure why you were unable to send me a notice on my ProBoard I am glad to hear that certain of my archives are helpful for you.

ses - A public THANK YOU for your telephone call. Some people may not understand how two women, who have never met in person, can talk for so long on the phone as though we had been bosom buddies for years! Our conversation really made me feel better - and connected to other people.


Last Week's Question/Challenge:

QOTW: The one thing that lets me feel some control of my funds is keeping my spreadsheet updated regularly. Including adding the amounts of bills due when I receive them and their due dates so I can plan ahead for them with the DUI payments.

COTW: I am grateful for my family and their emotional support during this time. For friends I can talk to when i just get really down. Though I don't tend to initiate contact as much as I probably should. That is part of my feeling isolated.


This Week's Question/Challenge:

QOTW / COTW: This is something I have already started after meeting with my new financial planner in consolidating my accounts and pension rollover from my last employer.

Though I do wish I had been more successful with my old job's pension department. Pfizer told me that not only are there NO survivor benefits but I am not able to even discuss a payout with them until I am 59. BOOOOOOO



Okay .... confession time .... I went shopping last week. [image]

I found a nice simple black pair of pumps (harder to find than one might think), a new pair of ked-like shoes since my old ones had holes at the toes, and two pairs of flats - one in a dark blue, one in a dressy brown suede. Then I went next door to Walmart and splurged on twelve new pairs of underwear. The last time I had done laundry even I was appalled by the state of most of my undies. *Laughing* ... pretty sad when buying yourself new Fruit of the Looms feels like a banner splurge. On the upside my total bill came to just about $100 - so I don't feel as though I did TOO much damage to my savings.

Now for some surprising news - I had been talking to an insurance agent about potentials for medical insurance now that the money from my company gave me to cover the COBRA costs has been used - and as of March 1st I need to cover the costs out of my own pocket.

Currently the cost for Medical, Prescription and Dental is $547 a month.

Anyway .... the agent gave me information about a program I didn't even know existed. It seems that as a part of the Unemployment Insurance program for Massachusetts includes something called Medical Security Insurance. What this means is that the state will reimburse you up to 80% of the monthly payment if you qualify. I sent in the paperwork last week and should know by this Friday if I did qualify and for what amount. Fingers crossed as this would be a huge financial relief. Particularly as I do not qualify for the state sponsored medical care since I make too much money, own my home and are not on public assistance funds.

[Honeylioness]

ses - Feb 23, 2012 at 10:51pm

Those of you who have been here for awhile may remember my worries about a friend who wants to retire ASAP and has made NO PLANS and who wants to have as much income as he can get, so he can spend it as fast as he can. Today he and his wife met with a financial planner (insurance salesman) and asked me to sit in on the meeting. Thank God. I was afraid he would take his retirement in a lump sum and sign up for a cruise to Alaska then remodel the bathroom leaving nothing to generate income.

His wife got him to look at an annuity with a guaranteed income stream, thank God! I concurred, so he decided it was a good idea. He also decided to retain survivors benefits for his wife when I pointed out it would save $400 a month over a life insurance plan(if he would even qualify) and continue her health coverage.

I kept reminding him it wasn't the amount that was coming in that is so critical, but the amount going out. Currently, he is spending 11% over his income each month and sees nothing wrong with it!

Now that he has a fair idea of his income. all his wife and I need to do is create a monthly budget that can cover their debt, that he will follow. His complaint is that his wife will not let him do anything or go anywhere. He can spend money faster than most people can count it. Worry about this state of affairs is making his wife sick with worry. I am so glad that he is finally starting to think about this. His wife and I have been suggesting he think about options for three years, but he has been in complete denial. I sort of feel like Gail Vaz-Oxlade.

I am a little uncomfortable to have them include me in their financial affairs, but I would rather put my two cents worth in if it will prevent a real mess in the future.


MittenKitten - Feb 24, 2012 at 10:42am

SES: I am so glad that you are there to help them, even it you get TMI. It is amazing how some people think.



ses - Feb 24, 2012, 10:09pm

Spruby--This afternoon E and I spent two hours on the phone going over what we learned yesterday while M was at work. No way will she give up survivorship. Actually M didn't even bring it up after I pointed out it would cost him 2 to 3 times as much to get life insurance coverage to provide the same spousal payout and it would not have a good COLA. I know E would have to sign off on any really stupid moves he might try to make and have been telling her this for the past three years. My big concern was that he would take a big chunk of his TSP before rolling it into an annuity, but I got a call about an hour ago that he has started the paperwork to rollover the entire amount in his TSP (do you hear my big sigh of relief?) I was quick to point out that the contributions he will continue to make over the next 11 months will provide a nice pocketful of change for him to hold in his hand. I also pointed out that each day of A/L is worth about $300 and he better be sure he has 240 hours to carryover (he is CSRS)--enough to pay 5 months of mortgage payment. That idea sort of widened his eyes. Now if we can get him to see how stupid it is to continue using a 9% CC with a balance of $9000. I'm trying to convince them to use their tax return to set up an account to cover all those pesky annual expenses (Property taxes, insurances, various tags and licenses, annual veterinarian charges--they have NINE cats). I keep pointing out it is easier to set aside $350 each month rather than to use the CC for a $1500 bill, especially when they know the bill will be arriving. Where is that banging head against the wall emoticon when I need it? Ah [image] !!! Sometime in the next few months I need to research Medicare and how a BCBS policy wraps around Medicare. I am sure learning a lot about these issues. Now if he would only look at a sample budget. Or listen to his wife--she gets all this and is preparing for retirement.

This all fits in well with this weeks COTW.

[Honeylioness]

MittenKitten - Feb 24, 2012 at 10:42am


Had to get a plumber to my rental. At least I know a cheap one, his portion was $35 and the part was $85. I have used him for years. Although I will confess I am letting the rental go back to the bank. This is giving me a year to beef up my checking account (Last payment made was June 1st, 2011), I can afford the repairs that need to be made, and I get rid of the albatross. The current renter is a piece of work and I will be happy to be done with her. Seriously I had to send her a letter telling her NOT to call me unless the heat wasn't working or there was an immediate plumbing/electrical issue.

I did struggle with the idea of whether to run up a credit card and default on it but couldn't do it. I can let the house go back to the bank (without destroying it and may leave the appliances) but I couldn't ethically do the card. I know my credit is trashed but I don't make enough to get a loan and I don't need any either.

So these were very difficult decisions but when DF stopped getting unemployment in July and no income for a month and then took an even larger pay cut with the 1st job it was something I had to do.

After the house is gone things will be tight but we will be okay. But with the extra income I am sending DS#1 to camp, putting money aside for DD's preschool next year, funded my Roth for this year and the rest will be a buffer.

So there, now you know my dirty little secret.


ses - Feb 24, 2012, 10:09pm

Mitten--I know you have struggled with this decision and I think your reasoning and decision are sound. Spruby is right, you need to do whatever us right for your family.


MittenKitten - Feb 24, 2012, 11:48pm

Mizbear: Glad DM sold the vehicle. At least it solves the DB problem and will use less gas. Something that will be useful when gas prices increase!

Thanks for the support. My credit has always been stellar but this has been a very difficult decision and I thought about it for a year before I actually did it. Oddly enough some people at my ECFE thing with my daughter were talking about landlords letting properties go. I didn't say I was doing the same thing and it will go back to the bank AFTER the renters lease is up. Oddly enough she doesn't seem to realize what is happening and I figure it is none of her business since she is not going to be kicked out of it. I will let her know the end of May I am not renewing the lease and that will give her 3 months to find a place. I only have to give her 2.

[Honeylioness]

MittenKitten - 28 Feb 2012 at 11:59am

Question of the Week: How do you handle saving for things you know are going to come up in the future that are large expenses?

For example I have two that are on my mind, 1 is a different vehicle for DF as I know his will need to be replaced in the next 2-3 years. In that same time frame DS#1 WILL need braces. So I figure we need $15-$20K for those items. That is what part of our tax refund will go towards, a fund for them.

Challenge of the Week: To look at the major items you will need to replace in the next 5 years and start planning on how you are going to pay for them. If you have already planned then I challenge you to put money into those funds.

I will post both of these on the next thread.



moneysquirrel - 28 Feb 2012 at 5:44pm

Question of the Week: How do you handle saving for things you know are going to come up in the future that are large expenses? I usually put some money aside from each paycheck for those items. I do this routinely for those once-a-year type items as well. I add extra money to those areas that the need is pressing but try to routinely add a little into each section. I would like to build up the sections like small EFs for each area a lot prior to my retirement in several years.

Challenge of the Week: To look at the major items you will need to replace in the next 5 years and start planning on how you are going to pay for them. If you have already planned then I challenge you to put money into those funds. I know that within the next five years I may need to replace my car. I have started a new car fund but really need to begin to increase the amount I place in it each month. It is one of the categories that I divide money into.


mizbear - 28 Feb 2012 at 6:53pm

QOTW- Because of the restrictions on what I can have in assets, I have started saving for these things in cash.

COTW- My glasses will be the major thing to replace- twice in the next five years- I would love to have Lasik surgery done. I would also love to have something done to fix my teeth- but I will be satisfied by having working glasses. I also try to make sure I can have a few extra dollars for whatever. I am still looking into retirement options, EoL planning and that sort of thing too.


ses - Mar 1, 2012, 7:08pm

Question of the Week: How do you handle saving for things you know are going to come up in the future that are large expenses?


Challenge of the Week: To look at the major items you will need to replace in the next 5 years and start planning on how you are going to pay for them. If you have already planned then I challenge you to put money into those funds.

Once again, I had to chuckle at how appropriate these topics are to me right now! You ladies must have a direct line to my mind (what little there is left).

I have been discussing these same topics with my friends M & E as they are preparing for retirement.

I have all income deposited into my primary savings. This serves as a short term EF up to $5,000. Then I transfer a set amount to my checking account for monthly expenses. From my checking account I transfer $600 to a second checking account (even at another bank). This account is for those annual expenses that we all know are going to come along--taxes, insurances, medical expenses and other fixed expenses. I have a few other accounts as well.

My long term (12 mos.)emergency fund plus enough to pay the catastrophic copay on my health insurance is invested in my brokerage account. Since I have a short term EF readily available I feel comfortable with my major EF being a little harder to get at.

My short term EF is easy to access at my local bank.

I also have a Household EF. It is set at $5000 which is my deductible for my homeowners' insurance. This is to cope with plumbers, electricians .... It is also the account that holds the funds from the insurance company whenever I have to deal with them. Since I just completed several major construction and repair projects, this is the account I am working on filling up again this year.

I also have an account I call "Trips and Toys." This account is funded mostly from my part time (very part time right now) job and any funds left each month when I come in under budget. In theory this is my "whim" spending money, however, I have trouble spending any money without mulling it over for weeks at a time.

When I finish refilling my House EF that money will go back to my Automobile fund. I hope I will not need to get a new car for a looong time. My current car is ten years old, in excellent condition and just turned over 81,000 miles. I also take car repairs and maintenance funds from this account.



financialpeace - Mar 2, 2012, 10:07am

Question of the Week: How do you handle saving for things you know are going to come up in the future that are large expenses?

I figure out how much I am going to need and when I will need it by. I then figure out how much I need to save each month to have enough. I treat that amount as a monthly bill. I like to have separate savings accounts for different things.

Challenge of the Week: To look at the major items you will need to replace in the next 5 years and start planning on how you are going to pay for them. If you have already planned then I challenge you to put money into those funds.

I don’t own a house yet, so I don’t have any concerns there, but I know my husband is probably going to want (definitely not need) a new truck within the next few years. I have a new truck savings account that has an automatic deposit every month.


dakota4600 - Mar 5, 2012 at 2:21pm

QOTW- We have our mini-savings at our local bank that we use for annual expenses (if we can't cash flow them at the time). For car/house expenses we put $500 a month into the big savings account and I mentally divide that between EF, house and car. Right now all deposits are going to car since we just bought the new truck. We need to build that fund back up so that when my car (12 years old, 150,000 miles) starts having major problems we can replace it. (Honestly I don't have an issue with borrowing from the other two funds if my car died tomorrow, knock on wood.)

COTW- We need to get a focus back on putting over and above the auto deposits into savings, we've gotten complacent and are spending it if we have it. I've been thinking about is since the first of the year and really need to sit down with DH & go over where we are. This past year we added nothing outside of auto drafts to savings, but did buy each other nice anniversary presents, took a weeks vacation, bought new appliances for the kitchen and new beds for both mini-D & ourselves and we didn't take anything out of savings to pay for those.