July 2011

[Honeylioness]

startsmart - Jul 1, 2011, 11:12am


I'm in! Aiming for 15 NSD this month (besides budgeted bills) and could use the tracking again. I went through receipts list night and listed all purchases on my calendar. Woah. That's telling.

It looks like lots of us need to be tracking more carefully (myself included) therefore:

First Day of the Month Challenge! Woot!


Grab your calendar, your day planner, a calendar from the dentist office or just find one free online.


Look around the office and kids stuff for stickers, stars or just 3 colored markers

Every night write down your expenditures:

gas station $35, medical co-pay $20, vending machine $0.85


OR


NO SPEND DAY!


Every Friday when we have virtual happy hour (and tea for 3cats) look over that calendar and tally up your NSDs.


Bonus Offer: I have hundreds of little colored stars so if you want a sheet of them I can mail them to you. I have full sheets, envelopes and stamps so there's no real cost to me. PM me your address if you want some (or your office address or your PO box) and I'll send them out.


eta: the stickers do not have real or imaginary magic powers. they are fun for color coding your days and when you place one on the calendar you must mutter 'iz a star!'

[Honeylioness]

startsmart - Jul 9, 2011, 2:55pm
[/b]

okay, maybe it's just one of those days but omg I'm getting cranky today (I blame my old age).

the team of people I work with like to talk about "shadow" or the things that we hide from the truth, i.e. don't bring into the light. Now I'm all for this term when it comes to your personal or business truths. Because those vary. But claiming a global or national conspiracy and calling it truth is like saying there are aliens among us and if you don't see them then you must be one of them or in on the conspiracy.

So the people I work with are quirky. *shrug* Some think if you have money in savings or the stock market or a bank then you perpetuate American wage slavery and money is a construct and blah blah blah. Beside the fact I think it's no where NEAR slavery, this is just nuts!

Today I got pretty annoyed at one of team members on facebook since he flipped through a book for 2 minutes and immediately labeled, made assumptions about and called Dave Ramsey a d*ckhead.

And defends it because "this is my truth, i'm not afraid to hide in the shadow and Ramsey is the problem"

WTF.

Not only do I think this is unacceptable for rudeness but the debater in me also says do your research before you speak. And labeling someone as the other, demonizing them and all out attacking their intentions is no way to reach out and guide someone to what you think is the truth. It only polarizes people and let's face it, Dave Ramsey has a lot more ardent supporters than this guy.

Arg.

**********************************************


Honeylioness - 11 July 2011 at 9:29am


Good morning ladies -

I had a complete list of insightful and pithy comments compiled after carefully going through the last couple of week's postings .... but then my FREAKIN' computer ate the file !!!!

So much for that ....

Welcome to those who have recently taken the plunge into the wacky wonderful world of NS/CS - You have received some great advice already from the Ladies here. Remember that we have all struggled with this for a long time so do not be intimidated by those who seem to rack up big numbers. Personally, I count only Controlled Spends. I know the ladies have heard this example before, but for the newcomers here's what I mean:

My typical monthly food budget is $400.00 This includes not only myself and two teenage girls, but also cat food and household items such as window cleaner and plastic wrap.

$400.00 monthly budget
-125.00 Spent on 07/02 - Grocery Store
- 85.00 Spent on 07/07 - Grocery Store
- 30.00 Spent on 07/15 - Farmer's market
-113.00 Spent on 07/20 - Grocery Store
- 85.00 Spent on 07/27 - Grocery Store


In this example the first four spends I would count as a Controlled Spend (CS) because they totaled $353.00 - within my budgeted amount. However the last entry would be a "spend" because it caused me to go over budget by $38.00.

This method seems to work the best for me. And I apply it to all things in my budget. Items such as condo fees, the mortgage and cable bill are easy because they are the same every month. For items such as electricity which I have estimated based on prior usage - then if we go above the budgeted amount - I count it as a spend. And I also have a SERIOUS re-education campaign with the girls about NOT leaving things on when they are not in the room.



startsmart - I see the underlying problem with the team dynamics - it's you. Yep, You Are The Problem.

You insist on reason. You expect logic and rational thought processes when discussing matters. You have this idea that people over the age of 20 should at least have a smidgen of common sense. You believe that people should at least be willing to listen or consider other viewpoints before making a judgment. Not that they have to change their views, but at least be respectful of other peoples. You are frustrated by those who toss around catch phrases and hot button words such as "slavery" as though they were discussing a grocery list.

*Sigh* Face it my dear friend - we are the minority in this world.


Dakota - Good to hear that DH is recovering from the procedure. Hernia's are no fun at all.

mizbear - I am so glad you said "No" to moving in with family. Not to be too cruel in my point - but I think for you that it would an emotionally "toxic" environment and would not do you any good. As hard as it can be, and I do speak from personal experience, you have to sometimes place yourself at the top of the list and do what is best for you - and scr3w what anyone else wants.

SES - Yes, cats do pant just as dogs do to cool themselves down. As long as she recovers fairly quickly I would just say she is being young and dumb to so exert herself in that kind of heat. Onyx has obviously learned better. But Calleigh is still a kitten so she will get there eventually. I would recommend floating an ice cube in their water dish(s) when you change the water. It will keep the water cooler longer as it melts.

3cats - Good news about your son getting a job, not so thrilled with him having yet another mouth to feed.

I have been thinking about you a lot lady m'dear. I sense you are really having some struggles at the moment and want you to remember you can always talk to us either here, or you can e-mail off-board if you want.

Not to be TOO politically incorrect (*snorts* yeah right, like THAT has ever bothered me), but someone sent me this funny recently and I immediately thought of your son.


A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise.

After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor's family expanded, so would his paycheck. After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the pastor's expanding salary. A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the pastor's additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.

After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, "Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us."

Silence fell over the congregation. In the back pew, a little old lady
struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice, "Rain is also a
gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we realize we need to put on our rubbers."

The entire congregation said, "Amen."

[Honeylioness]

shanendoah - 14 July 2011 at 9:37am

I am probably going to be a "bad" board member for a little while. I've been reading and following along, but I don't know how much commenting I'll be doing. In my heart and head I am supporting you all, but life here has gotten stressful and my emotional energy is pretty low.

The MIL fell in the shower again. We got a call from her apartment complex- either she gets a caretaker or she gets kicked out. Not that they told her this. They told her they could install better rails in the bathroom. HELLO? She's a legal adult. I am NOT her guardian. I have financial DPOA and am an emergency contact, but I'm pretty certain that state law would say that telling me you'll kick her out (and not telling her) does not qualify as appropriate notice.
However, the problem will be fixed, soon. She has a pre-op appointment for her total knee replacement surgery on Friday. We're working on having that happen ASAP.
I mentioned that to the apartment lady and she said that didn't matter. So, I said can I get a caretaker until the surgery and then re-evaluate once she can walk again? They agreed to that.

So now, on top of trying to figure out everything for the surgery (and how that will be paid for- luckily, we have built up a large medical fund for her) we also find a reputable caretaker to come in 3-4 times a week to help her with bathing. (The only time she falls is getting out of the shower.) And of course, most of this is falling on me because I work in the medical profession, but also because DH is in his last week of intense summer school and is trying to get his final project done.

He will be going to the pre-op appointment tomorrow, but that's about it.

And, of course, we're getting a litte tired of the constant threats of "we'll kick her out" relayed only to us, and not to her. So we're back to considering trying to buy a condo or small house that she can rent from us.

Anyway, that's where I am.


startsmart - 14 July 2011 11:25am [/u]

For me it's this screwed up work situation. I am so tired of saying "I can't do everything" then not being heard or understood and then getting laid up with massive amounts of guilt for things not getting done.

So over it.

Add in the joy of making more in my first year of freelancing than I ever thought possible and I'm just tired of the back and forth.



mizbear - 14 July 2011 at 11:40am

VENT/RANT!

OMG! This acquaintance of mine (not a friend- she is a PAIN- she thinks she is my ONLY friend and the best one at that) will not respect my request not to discuss my family with her. She complains constantly about everything with her own family and puts down all of my efforts. She talks down to me. She also doesn't get that I don't want someone's company all the time. She can bust on my family for taking my time, but she does the same every chance she gets. She wants to go to the talent shows with me- my nieces can't stand her.

My other friends are all liked by my friends and family.

Aye-yi-yi!


Honeylioness - 15 July 2011 at 8:08am


shanendoah - [/b]So sorry to hear you are going through such a stressful time.

Is this a special type of apartment complex or one where anyone can rent?

And how did they know she had fallen anyway? Did she call someone or did someone hear her?

I agree with the others who said that unless there are written rules and guidelines in place PRIOR to this incident - that the property managers can evict a tenant for a physical disability, which is what you MIL has, AND your MIL signed such an agreement - then they are setting themselves up for a lawsuit under the American With Disabilities Act. I would also point out to them that they could also be asking for a discrimination charge filed against them. Trust me, AARP would be more than happy to assist in that as there is more elder discrimination than people believe.

startsmart - You really need to get over feeling guilty. I know it took me a long time to get to that place with a lot of situations. Now I only have it with my Mom!

My impression, from what you have shared about some of the people you work with, is that you may be dealing with five-year olds. Reasoning doesn't work with them, just ask any mother here. So let me give you a couple of ideas for coping.

1) You need to set out some FIRM time frames. You work with client A from 8-9am. Client B from 10-11:30am etc. When their time is up, or when a conference call has reached it's allotted time - you gently but firmly say: "I apologize, but we need to end. I have another meeting to attend."

2) When you have conference calls - is there a posted agenda before hand? If not you have to start making one. And then STICK TO IT. So perhaps:

Recap of last meeting: 5 mintues
Update on Action Items: 15 minutes
Outline/Discuss new project: 30 minutes
Wrap up/Confirm new Action Items: 10 minutes

When conversations or discussions start wandering off topic say "I know this is something you feel strongly about. Why don't you send me an e-mail off-line" then steer the talk back to the agenda item. Keep a clock nearby and when you reach the allotted time say "I see this will need further discussion. Let's plan on covering it in our next meeting" then move to the next thing.

3) Finally, remembering these are children (at least in my mind) don't let them push you to do more than is possible or is good for you. Offer them a choice: "This project is rather extensive and is going to require additional resources. I can complete either Part A or Part D this week. What would work best for you?"

If they come back with "But I want it ALL done this week" just firmly but gently repeat "I can complete either Part A or Part D this week. What would work best for you?"

If they push back again you reply "Okay, then Part A it is."

You should not be expected to be Super Woman!!!

mizbear - I know confrontation is hard for most people - but with everything else going on in your life you really don't need this acquaintance around.

The next time she talks down to you I would look her in the eye and say "I really don't know where you got the idea that you can talk to me like dog shit, but it stops NOW."

If she pushes about you sharing information that is none of her business my response would be "I don't remember asking for your opinion." Or how about "I'll tell you only after you give me free access to your budget, bills and bank accounts." That last one should shut her up.

You need to come up with three or four things you can say and say them consistently so she gets the message. If all else fails you will need to just tell her "X, I do not want you to call or contact me anymore. I know more than enough manipulative and dysfunctional people. I don't need one more. Good-Bye"


shanendoah - 15 July 2011 at 9:44am

MIL: [/b]Thank you all for your offers of help. Here's a little more information. MIL lives in an age and income restricted building- meaning only seniors with little to moderate incomes can live there. It is specifically an "active adult" community. So while people with disabilities can live there, they need to be people who can help themselves or have caretakers come in for the things they can't do (like helping MIL in and out of the bath). Because of the nature of the building (and their special legal/tax status) they can, in fact, kick MIL out if they determine that she can not care for herself.

When she falls, instead of reaching for her cell phone, which is in her walker and within her reach to call us or even call 911 herself, she lies there and screams "help" until another resident contacts building management. Building management specifically can NOT help her up themselves. So they call 911.

Even if she called 911 herself, building management would know they'd been there because these are keycard restricted buildings. Emergency services has an override, but management would always know it had been used.

For who asked if DC could be the one to go help- we don't necessarily need someone "skilled", but we do need someone with experience moving people. MIL refuses to help you help her up, if she can. (DH will inform her she has to at least try or he'll leave her there, and that gets her to do something, but she doesn't want to.) DC does not have the training to do that, nor the body strength to just power through it. More importantly, I don't think she has the temperment. And when it comes to home health care, having the temperment to do it is the most important.

To be honest, we could tell MIL she can only take showers in the evening and come over ourselves. That may be what we do depending on how soon we can get the surgery scheduled. But the truth is- I don't want to. DH doesn't want to. MIL is an unpleasant person by nature, but with strangers and professionals, she at least tries. She doesn't try with us and instead will behave like a spoiled 12 year old.

Pre-op appt for the surgery is today. DH will be there. Not certain if we'll be able to schedule the surgery today or have to wait until Monday (appt is with MIL's PCP for EKG, etc to make sure she can handle the surgery) after the PCP has had a chance to contact the specialist.

We all know she's not a great candidate for surgery, but she can't afford assisted living, and she doesn't need the kind of care insurance covers. And she will not live with us again.

We do have an aquaintance who is a mortgage broker. We're going to try and get a meeting with him so we can get someone who will tell us what all of our options are for buying a rental property but who we can be fairly certain won't screw us over (part of the same extended group of friends). The ideal would be to buy a little one or two bedroom house for MIL (condos have associations and neighbors who share walls, which we'd like to avoid), that she would rent from us for about what she's paying in rent now. At current prices, with 15% down, that rent would more than cover mortgage and escrow.

Getting the down is a little trickier. We'd have to raid our savings and probably take out loans for DH's last year of school, and still take a couple grand from MIL, but its doable. MIL currently has over $10k in her savings, which should cover surgery after insurance and still easily manage that.

Currently, her entire SSD check goes straight to that account which we never use, so she actually has an extra $700/month in her budget that she doesn't know about. (And I'd like to keep it that way. After knee surgery, it would be nice to be able to save up to get her a full set of dentures so that she can talk and eat like a normal person again.)

I talked to DH about putting out the word to see if our extended group knows someone who would be willing to come out 3-4 times a week for $100/week, but he'd rather go with an agency. (I have a list of private care givers and what they charge hourly, the $100/week for 3-4 hours a week is at the high end of pay, so we wouldn't be cheating anyone. But most of the private caregivers want guaranteed hours that come out to more than the 4 hours a week that we actually need.) Anyway, today I'll call a couple of the home care agencies, starting with the one that's run by the organization where she gets her primary care, and see what we can do.