Rants and Raves

[Honeylioness]

Honeylioness - Mar 10, 2011, 12:44pm

*&^*%&*&)(_*(&^*%&^%^&*&()*()_^&)^&^&%$%$%&*()+)()+)(&*^&%^&$%^*$*


I just want to crawl into a dark corner and cry. I HATE feeling that not only will I never get ahead financially but I am sliding backwards. I am wondering if it is better to use all my refund when it finally comes to pay off all my bills ... or continue to pay dribs and drabs and pretend the money isn't even in my account.

And speaking of which ... WHERE is it??? I sent my paperwork in over 6 weeks ago.


Honestly, I sat down to open mail and pay bills and all I wanted to do was cry and give up ... and be an ostrich and ignore it all.


Sorry ... will continue this pity party elsewhere


redwagon - Mar 10, 2011, 12:53pm

Honey - as Dory in Finding Nemo says, "Just keep swimming." There is a brighter day out there. And all those other cliches. They are cliche for a reason (also a cliche). I guess what I'm trying to say is I wish I could help you, but I can't, and so I offer you my arsenal of cliches. I have more up my sleeves if you need them. Hugs galore.



mizbear - Mar 10, 2011, 1:30pm

Honey- My mom is going through the same thing right now. Her tax money would all pay off one of her credit cards, leaving her with a low debt to income ratio- bt she's afraid to spend it not knowing if she needs that money for deposits and stuff to get her own place with DGM being sick.



spruby - Mar 10, 2011, 6:50pm

honey - hugs - something to consider - if you pay everything off with the tax refund - does it give your budget breathing room - or just get you caught up? is there enough to add to/make a little EF (500/1000)? no right answer - just things to consider.


startsmart - Mar 10, 2011, 9:25pm

honey- no advice, just hugs in this hard time. You are resourceful and wonderful and talented. I have faith in you!


moneysquirrel - Mar 10, 2011, 9:30pm

Honey - Take a deep breath. You can handle this and it will get better. (Maybe now as soon as you would like but it will happen.)



Honeylioness - Mar 11, 2011, 10:26am

startsmart - Thank you my friend. I am going to try telling myself that about me and see if perhaps today I can believe it



shanendoah - Mar 11, 2011, 11:18am

Honey: You are a strong, resourceful woman who can take on the world. I agree with spruby in that if paying everything off with the tax refund gives you monthly breathing room, actually lets you get ahead, I would do it. If it doesn't, then I would maybe split it 50/50 bills and EF. Well, excpet for $50. I think you should take $50 and treat yourself to a mani/pedi or some other indulgent experience. We all need to pamper ourselves every once in a while, and trust me - YOU DESERVE IT.


dividend - Mar 11, 2011, 1:37pm

Honey - keep your chin up. Over the years I've been reading this thread you've given some of the best, reasoned advice. You're incredibly smart and determined, and you'll get past this rough patch.


dakota4600 - Mar 11, 2011, 3:26pm

Honey- You are a strong resilient person, I know it seems like that is being tested the last few months. Hopefully you can decide how to best allocate the refund money to make things less stressful for you.


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Honeylioness - 14 March 2011 at 10:29am

Update - On Friday my IRS tax refund showed up in my bank account. Happy Happy! I still have to do my Massachusetts filing - but as I owe them $33 they can bloody well wait.

On Friday night after dinner I sat down with all my bills and current statements. I know that there are people struggling with a LOT more debt than myself, however it does seem that your own debt, no matter the number, seems to be more stressful than someone else's numbers. So with a cold beer, my excel spreadsheet and a mantra that it was okay to not hoard every penny I paid off the following:

$210.00 - Condo Association Dues
$91.76 - Water/sewer
$150.00 - Verizon (New balance $5 per today's online statement)
$83.00 - AAA Membership Renewal (expired in August 2010)
$100.00 - Electricity (Paid off)
$22.00 - Medco
$250.00 - HSBC credit card (balance now $75)
$200.00 - Care Credit (Paid off)
$300.00 - Natural Gas (Paid off)
$50.00 - Costco Membership Renewal (expired October 2010)
$22.97 - Country Living Subscription
$20.95 - Amazon

$1500.68 - Total

Even with getting all my bills caught up I still have about $1,600 in my Savings Account/Emergency Fund. I owe my folks $300 for the airline ticket to come out to see them, but they said I can give that to them in April when I arrive. And April has five paychecks so I can add a bit more to my savings.

I am going to juggle some budget numbers and get back onto a strict allocation of what bill must come out of what check before we even go food shopping, I think that kind of structure will make me feel less "out of control". And shanendoah - Yes, I do feel as though I can breathe again knowing these figures aren't hanging over me like the Sword of Damocles.

So it did wind up being a rather "spendy" weekend because not only did I "spend" on paying off all these accounts but we had a major errand day on Saturday:

* Home Depot (for two new quilt hanging rods and replacement lights for the stove)
* Used Book Store (I got three DVDs for $12)
* Costco (132 lbs of kitty litter, 36 rolls of T.P., four whole chickens for $0.89/lb, and a package of 48 cans of cat food. Not very exotic but good deals and needed items)
* WalMart (girls needed strapless bras for their new dresses and I needed nylons and hairball remedy - the latter item for the cats not me)
* Grocery Store
* Chinese Restaurant - This was my big "splurge" with the refund money. I took us out to eat at our favorite restaurant.

[Honeylioness]

Honeylioness - 14 March 2011 at 12:34pm


OFF TOPIC POST AHEAD .... FEEL FREE TO SKIP OVER


You know how we all seem to know someone who just cannot catch a break? It might be a family member, co-worker or friend of a friend. Well, in my case it is L. Our relationship is rather hard to describe or define. Often I just tell people she is my sister. Technically not correct but as my mother "adopted" her over 25 years ago and has acted as her surrogate parent for this time it does fit. She is a few years older than I am but her life just seems to have been one horror after another:

* S3xually abused by her biological father starting at 13. Mom knew, did nothing, told L later on she was "... relieved, since then he did want to do 'that' with me..." . Traumatic forced abortion at 16 when her sire got her pregnant.

* Married an equally dysfunctional man at the age of 20 who had been abused by his father. Parents had decided mumps in their sons was no big deal and only took them to the hospital when their fevers were through the roof for over 48 hours. Three of the sons were made sterile because of it.

* Never had any chance for education and no encouragement to try from anyone in her, or her husband's, family.

* Five hospitalizations for eating disorders before the age of 32.

* Spouse went off to AF boot camp at the age of 27, There he broke all his marriage vows and most of the Commandments.

* Spouse continued his reckless ways once back home. At the end of three years not only had their house been foreclosed on because he stopped paying the mortgage and used the money for prostitutes, but L had a raging case of chlamydia that lasted four years, Hep B and was HIV+ thanks to him.

* L began having seizures that would spike her temp to 104+

* Finally divorced the dirt bag.

* Biological father dies from complications of diabetes. L is the one to find him four days later in a remote cabin.

* Home on the verge of foreclosure twice as she was unable to work for a long time. Now has a housemate who is an oddball to say the least and incredibly creepy at worse.

* Two rather severe episodes of alopecia. To this day the only hair on her body is her eyelashes, eyebrows and scalp.

* Biological mother finally dies. During her last ten years she did nothing but berate L for divorcing dirt bag and telling people "lies" about her father.

* Diagnosed with MPD about 12 years ago - actually a relief as it explained a lot of her seemingly random and bizarre behavior.

* Diagnosed two months ago with M.S.

* Found out last week she has some sort of lumps or masses on her spine, liver and spleen.



If anyone has the time/inclination I would appreciate any positive energy/prayers/ chants/ lighting of candles etc that you could send her way. It just breaks my heart that she has had such a very sad life and very little security, joy or peace in it.