January 2011

[Honeylioness]

Honeylioness - Jan 5, 2011, 2:57pm[/b]


About Me:

47 yo single woman, hosting two teenage girl exchange students - one from Finland, the other from the PRC. We live in Northern Massachusetts with four cats and a rather "assertive" neighborhood squirrel who will tap on our back door to let us know he is there and we can toss out a few nuts now if we like.


About my goals:

* Rebuild my Emergency Fund
* Get our food budget back under $300 a month
* Finish paying off two small accounts
* Try to get more familiar with my 401(k) allocations and elections


My definitions:

* NSD - Nothing spent
* CSD - Nothing spent that is out of bounds per the budget


Why I'm Here: Accountability, awareness, advice and helpful resources.

[Honeylioness]

Honeylioness - Jan 11, 2011, 12:06pm

Ladies - If you have any good thoughts, juju or prayers to spare please send them my way. Got some "news" last night that just sent me into a raging hissy fit. Poor kids, I don't think they have ever seen their "mom" really lose it before. This morning I am still reeling and swinging between numb and furious and tears.

I am done. Going to crawl into a cave, give up on even trying anymore and just try to stay out of society's way for the rest of my days.




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Honeylioness - Today at 4:51pm


I have just skimmed the Boards the last couple of days - sorry to those of you facing difficult situations.

I saw where it was expressed that we stay more focused on money issues and not our personal lives so if anyone wants to know what is going on it's here:

honeylioness.proboards.com/index.....ghts&thread=208



I also got around to doing an update on the girls here:

honeylioness.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=ines

[Honeylioness]

Honeylioness - January 21, 2011 2:19pm


Update: Not really sure, best I can figure at the moment is 19 CSD, 20 NEO ........ and yet I feel as though I am sinking rapidly. For instance, I am already $100 over budget for groceries and still have 10 more days to go in the month, and need to pick up some things tomorrow.


startsmart - I hope your grandmother continues to improve. Hang in there.

Muttley - Happy Birthday to little Ben

redwagon - Be careful on the drive up here - the roads are a MESS and the temps are slated to drop to single digits overnight all weekend which will not help things much.

Snow - We are getting another 5"-8" today and the girls have yet ANOTHER snow day!!! Honestly people .... for 6" of snow? They had two days off last week for snow, Monday was a holiday, Tuesday off because of a storm and now today .... AND this was supposed to be finals week. Meanwhile I think our building would have to collapse after being sat on by Godzilla before they would ever close us for a day.

Other updates - feel free to skip

I am scheduled to have my Whistler's quilt photographed next Saturday the 29th - but suddenly I HATE her face and have no idea how, or if, I should fix it. And how am I feeling about submitting this quilt to Vermont for judging and the show ... am I ready to face that stress again only to have three faceless people dismiss my work as "not good enough"

I am still feeling overwhelmed and stressed about the things I blogged about last week - and the Hawk item would still head the list followed closely by money stress.

Which makes me question having another student next year. I love having two - but is it realistic to do this again? Can I figure out what went wrong with this winter's budget so I don't repeat the same mistake(s) .... if there WERE mistakes?

Most likely I will not be able to join you in The Badlands which is a bummer for me - I remember going there when I was about 8 and being in awe of their very different kind of beauty. But not only are those days SUPPOSED to be when I go to the quilt festival in Vermont - but during those days are the scheduled departures of the girls back home. Which means I will most likely not be able to do Vermont either.

AND ....

I think I am really ready to stop smoking. On January 3rd I went for the first time ever to an accupuncturist. Which for me was very odd ... as I really really REALLY hate needles unless I have threaded them and they are being used to make a quilt. I need to go back for another session but I have noticed a decrease in the number of cigarettes I am smoking in an average day. I want to quit for several reasons but what really grabbed my motivation was having a co-worker in her late 30s have a heart attack before Christmas (among other things she smokes a lot) and in the last four months alone my spreadsheet shows I have spent and average of $165 a MONTH on cigarettes.

That's just ridiculous. I have so many better things I could do with that money.

I attended a webinar earlier this week on the subject and one of the things they said is that it's helpful to tell your friends about your quit plans. So here it is ..... I am setting my official "quit date" as Monday, February 14th .... *fingers crossed*



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redwagon - January 21, 2011 at 3:18pm

Honey - we'll monitor the situation and if it seems too icy we'll stay home. Thanks! And sending you super strength for quitting! That's such a great step you're taking!! Health benefits of quitting start immediately!


sheilaincali - Jan 21, 2011, 5:43 pm

Honey; [/b]We will be your cheerleaders if you need any help along the path to being a Former Smoker



spruby - Jan 21, 2011, 7:37pm

honey [/b]- I'm with you on scared of needles - but the acupuncturist did wonders for my back (and moving on to other issue) - good luck with it! on hosting 2 kids - is part of this year's cost "start" up cost? and BTW - I *know* your quilt is amazing - have faith in yourself -we do!


moneysquirrel - Jan 21, 2011, 9:31pm

Honey -[/b]- Your quilts are beautiful. As to the increased costs -- teenagers are expensive in ways we don't always realize. Extra laundry, electrical power, paper products (sorry Sheila), gas, and don't forget food. Every time I look at my GS I swear he has grown another two inches. At 12->13 he is taller than me and I am sure outweighs me. The kids that I had in class last year all grew up and out over the summer. Some of them are almost unrecognizable. You enjoy the kids and I do believe that being around kids keeps a person young in thoughts and spirit even though at times we believe that they are causing more gray hairs. I think that teaching has kept me up to date a lot -- not that I enjoy their musical taste.


kcgal - Jan 22, 2011, 10:54am

Honeylioness- I know exactly how you feel about your quilts. I feel the same way about my pictures. For a long time I never offered to show anyone except family my pictures. But this is the one thing I learned. Ultimately I am the only one that has to like the picture I took. As long as you think your quilts are great and I hear they are, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

[Honeylioness]

Honeylioness - Jan 27, 2011, 2:36pm


Spending Goals [/b]- I am glad in a way to see that I am not the only one feeling as though some of our financial matters are feeling out of control. Even with tracking every cent I am still feeling as though I am floundering if not actually in crisis. And really not sure just what I can do in the short term to make it feel any better.

Taxes - Like red wagon I have started / finished calculating my income tax return. I too am waiting anxiously for mid-February to file and get my money!! Yes I know, the experts say you should never get a refund, that they are "bad" and you would be better off having a direct withdrawal / deposit to savings or a money market. But either I am too undisciplined or something to make that work for me. If it is going into my savings account I am sure to spend it during the year on emergencies etc. Anyway, my Federal refund is about $3K this year which is great - even if I do own the State $33. The one big downer for me though is that because of the documentation for donating the truck I cannot e-file. Boo hiss.

startsmart - I hope things start to get a little more under control soon as you know I worry about you burning yourself out.

Weather - Honestly, it's winter in New England people .... they have called of school for the FIFTH time in about 2 1/2 weeks because of snow .... I could just scream. Yes, one of the storms was very icy and made commuting treacherous but come on now ..... they called at 05:30 am this morning to cancel school because of 6" of snow?? Yet even during the dumping we got two weeks ago of 15" in 24 hours my company would not close.

Life is NOT fair.

Personal "weirdness" - I think I have been asked out on a date. Though it has been so long since such a thing happened to me I am still not sure. The girls seem to think it is a date ... but does it count if he offered to include them as well if I wanted? And it is only a couple of days away and still no idea what time I am supposed to be ready by. Just strange.

By the way - am I expected to offer to pay half? pay the tip? It has been a long long time since anyone has asked me out I have no freakin' idea if the rules have changed.


singlemomky - Jan 27, 2011, 2:51pm

Honey [/b]- maybe he was being a really nice guy by offering to include the girls for fear that you would have to make arrangements for them so he was making sure that he got to spend some time with you even if it is in the company of the girls.

As for who pays - I always prepare to pay my share. More times than not the guy will not 'allow' you to pay but I do think that he would appreciate your offering.



shanendoah - Jan 27, 2011, 2:53pm

Honey:[/b] Yes, its a date. He offered to include the girls in order to put you at ease, make you more comfortable, increase your odds of saying yes. It also says he's a pretty good guy.

If he asked and is picking the place, then he should definitely pay. Offering to pick up the tip is nice (though not required). However, for a first date, I always make sure I can pay for my half, just in case the guy doesn't turn out to be as advertised.

As for what time to be ready by, call him. Say hey, in the midst of everything else I missed what time I'm supposed to be ready by.


Honeylioness - Jan 28, 2011, 1:24pm

C'est la Vie [/b]- so if it WAS a date it is no more. I got an e-mail he has to cancel this Sunday, then he said he had moved it to next Saturday .... that's no good as it is Ines' birthday dinner with her friends that night. So as of this moment it seems to be a no-go.

Ah well .... and I will keep my other comments silent for now.

[Honeylioness]

mittenkitten - January 18, 2011 at 9:50am

Question of the Week: Do you find it easy or difficult to talk about money with Friends and family? Have you helped them? Are they on the same page or different then you?

How has your current view on money changed or affected those relationships?



sheilaincali - January 18, 2011 at 10:05am

QOTW: Do I find it easy to talk about money with friends- sort of. My bff is very frugal and organized so it's easy to talk to her about money. My parents are very well off so they don't really get it. My sister has always had a good paying job so she has never had to struggle or budget. I don't talk to my family about money other than to say things like "no I can't afford to go out to eat for lunch today". Or "do you know how expensive that is?"

It does have an impact on those relationships because I feel like I am only sharing half of my life with them. With my friend it doesn't impact our relationship at all- if I tell her money is tight this week she will come up with half a dozen free or super cheap entertainment ideas With my family they really don't get it. If I tell my sister or my mom that I don't want to go with to the zoo because it will cost me $100 for the day they will tell me to just let mom pay for it. Sorry I like to be able to look myself in the mirror.



redwagon - Janaury 18, 2011 at 10:06am

QOTW: I've gotten pretty good at just throwing money comments into conversations. I shared what a shock blue's SL going up was, and how we had to shuffle the budget. I tell friends when things are too expensive and half the time they are relieved I spoke up, and we end up chilling at someone's house/apartment instead. Most of them are pretty much broke, too, so it hasn't really negatively affected any relationships. I guess I just try to be natural about it, and not act like it's a big deal that I'm sharing a money woe, and everyone moves on. If anything it's improved relationships, as we spend more quality time rather than going to the movies all the time, etc. And people have come to me for advice on some money issues, but I always qualify it with "I am not a pro, but if it were me, etc".

Good question MK!



dakota4600 - January 18, 2011 at 10:46am

QOTW- It isn't easy to talk to friends about money, even though a lot of us have the same values. I know several of my friends are doing Dave Ramsey now. Family (at least my parents) I don't have problems having discussions with them. But my brother and his wife have recently had a turn around in their thinking and are becoming more frugal.



shanendoah - January 18, 2011 at 11:01am

QOTW: I've always talked about money with my mom. She and I can discuss budgets and what things cost and what future money looks like with no issues. I discuss it a little withy dad, but not to the same extent. With our close friends, I have no troubles talking about money. They all know DH has been on UE for 20 months. They all know how relieved I was when I got the new job, and that we're sending DH back to school with no SLs. In some cases, I have offered (and been asked for) budgeting help. With not as close friends, I don't talk about it as much. It can be hard not to feel like I'm whining (to people who are doing fine) or bragging (to people who haven't had the challenges we've had but are struggling more than we are).

I don't think its hurt any relationships. In fact, not talking about money has done more damage. We have two friends who used to be our roommates. At the time we were roommates, there were money issues all around, involving loans and promises to pay back and then breaking those promises, and arguments over grocery bills, etc. We never sat down and hashed it out. We let the sour feelings at the time prevent us from inviting them to our wedding (it would have increased the number of people from 16 to 18). We are friends with them again, and there are no hard feelings, but its the one regret I have from the wedding- them not being there.



dianartemis - January 18, 2011 at 1:20pm

QOTW: My DOD and I talk about $$ a lot. My DSis and talk about $$ frequently. We talk about it together. We like the ideas we get off of one another and have no problems w/ giving kudos or raspberries. My DOM...sighs, eye rolling, and why she has to have or deserves X...so, not often. This is what it's like talking $$ with her [image] . Friends, it's more of a general conversation because we all have differing viewpoints and priorities. So keeping the info generalized, means there aren't any fights since we're all rather opinionated.



spruby - Yesterday at 7:34pm

QOTW My BFF and I can talk money - but we really aren't on the same page - we have had similar financial disasters - but walked away with different perspectives. Friends and family come to me with general big picture questions - but the one family member we talked more frankly with stopped talking with us (at all) after we turned things around and they continued on the same path.

It is always interesting when talking to people what they perceive as "necessary" vs what we perceive. Not that we are right and they are wrong (or vice versa) - just different.

The great thing about this group is we share a similar perspective - not that we all spend the same way (or want to) - but we all want to be more deliberate in our spending.


ses - Yesterday at 7:51pm

I have been semi MIA recently, but I have been very productive. I have hundreds, if not thousands, of books in my basement. The paperback exchange shop I have used for years has cut me off until i use the over $100 of credit I have there so I haven't been too motivated to do anything about the books downstairs. A friend recently told me about a book exchange/sale that happens every summer sponsored by an organization she belongs to with all benefits going to benefit the training of seeing eye dogs. So recently we have been sorting and boxing books to send to this sale. It is a relief to have them go to a good cause. I shudder to think of all the money I spent, even though most of them were purchased used or half price. She helped me think about the number of hours of entertainment i have received from them and it hurts less.

QOTW--some friends I can discuss money with others I can't. I must admit I don't understand those who are bored with talking about money and retirement options and plan to retire in about two years. Then there are those who nickel-and-dime every purchase to death then spend hundreds on a vacation and don't have an EF.

I can talk money with my DSis. One side of the family lives fairly frugally and can scent a good sale from 100 miles away and we have always spoken of money in fairly generally terms. The other side of the family only has a couple of financially sane individuals and many of the rest have the philosophy that "if you have money, then I have money." I suppose I could TALK money with them but I wonder of they would HEAR anything. These people also think because I had a steady job I was rich. When I think about it, a lot of these attitudes are are a direct result of examples of those around them.

These discussions are a big part of why I appreciate you all so much.


mittenkitten - Today at 10:48am

QOTW: I talk money in general terms. I have a few good friends who are smart with their money. Now DSis on the other hand is letting a credit card go into collections and trying to plan a vacations to Sandles beach resort WTF? I so don't talk about money with her.