September 2010

[Honeylioness]

08 September 2010[/b]

It has been a busy first week with both Ines and Siying settling into their new home and routine for the year. One of the things I have discovered about both girls is they consider themselves primarily introverts. This could prove problematic in a way as it means they will each crave alone time ... but we have talked about it and I think as long as they both know there are other rooms they can retreat to and not have to spend all their time together we should be able to work it out.

Siying and I picked Ines up on August 31 from Logan airport and had not surprises with the flights or luggage. The next morning I took both girls to school to get their registration either finalized or initiated. . Ines was so wiped out I told the school we would come back the next day to finish the process as I could see she really needed to sleep.

That evening I took them to a minor league baseball game as the Lowell Spinners, which are an affiliate team of the Boston Red Sox, have their home field just a couple of blocks from my townhouse. They seemed to enjoy the game - but not so much the public welcome they received when the park announcer told everyone there that they were newly arrived and at their first game. Ah well, I told them a mother is there to embarass them!

Thursday evening I had to attend a company function and did not get home as early as I wanted. Then Friday saw me in the hospital for tests as my left foot and calf had suddenly swelled up for no apparant reason. THAT was fun ... and our YFU rep was due that evening for dinner ... but in the end I made it home in time to get things organized.

Saturday we went shopping for a laptop for Siying and food for all of us. The Costco/warehouse experience was a bit overwhelming for them as was the final total for me! But we ended the day by attending a classic rock concert in an outdoor park down the street from our house.

Sunday morning my best friend Ruth picked us up at 9:00 am and we all drove through New Hampshire and into Vermont for the day. We take this trip once a year to visit a specialized cook store and a traditional New England Country Store. Not only did the girls get the chance to see some wonderful country, but also some very traditional New England places.

When I spoke to them Sunday night about what they wanted to do on Monday, a national holiday, they exchanged a look that let me know they had already come up with a plan and were not sure who should tell me. Seems they had the same gut need that I did - a quiet day at home.

Fine with me. We did make a trip to get them school supplies. And they girls both helped with some basic house chores - but overall we had a very quiet day to relax and get ready for this, their first full week of school.

Of course on Tuesday morning I made them pose outside the front door to take their "official" back to school picture.

[Honeylioness]

08 September 2010[/u]


I will admit to being a little concerned about Siying. Since Ines arrived she seems a bit more withdrawn. I may just be projecting but I am trying to be conscious of not talking to one more than the other and even though Siying has to currently take the back jump seat in the truck I am sure to involve her in conversations - I don't want her feeling left out.

I have seen a couple of minor power moments between the girls - but that is to be expected when you suddenly have a "sister". I won't step in unless it gets really intense - I believe they will do better in the end finding a way to resolve things for themselves.

One of my goals in the next few weeks is to get her established in some after school activities and a set schedule - that way I can look at regular one-on-one time with her alone.

I am glad she will be taking the personal finance course as many students can get into a bad habit of overspending their first few months stateside.

[Honeylioness]

14 September 2010


This past weekend we made Toll House Cookies which are always popular. Both the finished cookie and the dough. We also went grocery shopping, sent in the registration for the Niagara Falls trip, to church, the New England Quilt Museum where I went to a lecture and the girls got to see the exhibit and browse the shop, went looking and test driving new vehicles (Siying looked - I drove!), and had the best bagels at Panera Bread.

I was not sure what Siying would think about my current church. I know that she does not attend any sort of religious services back in China and the church we went to is very liturgical and Episcopalian.

www.stanneslowell.org/

However she seemed comfortable with the service and I had told her and Ines that this church offers Eucharist, or Communion, every Sunday. However they did not have to partake if they did not want to. However she did choose to take Eucharist as did Ines.

While I have rather conservative views on many subjects I am less restrictive in this one area. Most churches will say that you must be a baptized believer to receive Eucharist - however I think that is man's guideline and not God's. See, if a person is genuinely interested, genuinely seeking - then how can respectfully accepting the gift of Communion be a bad thing? My faith tells me that the wine and bread are not merely symbols of His body and blood but are the true embodiment of His sacrifice and are infused with the all the blessings of the Holy Spirit and Father. And welcoming those powerful loving blessings into ourselves - well I cannot see how that could ever be a negative thing.

And prior to Ines' arrival Siying and I had had opportunity to discuss several rather deep subjects - wherein I learned she had brought with her the New Testament written in both English and Chinese. I want to make time to talk to her further about this and what she thought about services.

However Saturday evening after dinner we did have a situation that needed to be addressed. Over the last several days I have become aware of some tension between Ines and Siying. Now this is not unexpected as both are dealing with a lot of adjustments - new country, new school, new "mom", new food etc. When I am cooking dinner each wants to help and watch what I am doing. However it can get crowded with three people. Ines is the one most likely to remove herself to the kitchen table to just observe. Saturday afternoon however things sort of came to a head.

I had asked Ines to perform a specific task as part of putting away the groceries - transferring cereal from the store box to the plastic storage containers. Siying moved as if to take the item from Ines and said she would do it for her - which is when Ines snapped at her, and again later when Siying asked her what she wanted to drink with dinner.

Time for Mom to step in.

After dinner I told the girls we needed to talk and asked them first if something in particular had happened between them. Did someone do or say something - or break an item belonging to the other person? Both said no. That is when I told them that the tension in the room could be cut with a knife and we were going to deal with it now as I had no intention of living with this sort of attitude for much longer.

While I think this came to head because of a specific comment both girls have ownership. So I set out examples where each had stepped on the other's toes or been less than respectful of the other girl's feelings. So - new rules. They will alternate nights setting the table - she who sets gets the drinks and no sniping at the requestor - this way there are clear boundaries and expectations. Secondly, if I have asked one of them to do a specific task the other girl will let her do it - UNLESS the first girl ASKS for help. There is plenty of work to be shared and everyone will get their chance - trust me.

Third, if something happens that upsets you and you need to talk to me about it - then come and say you need a few private minutes with me. I should be the one you vent to and let me try and find a working solution if you have not been able to address the matter on your own. But I don't want to hear either girl snapping at the other on a regular basis.

Ines thanked me for bringing this out into the open and both girls promised to be more aware of the other's need for space and respect.

As a side bonus I have found both girls are rather good at massage and I got treated two nights in a row to an example of their work - first one then the other!

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I am trying to encourage Siying to spend less time alone and more just "hanging out" with me in the living room in the evening. Even if she is reading a book. I worry about her feeling isolated and am trying to encourage her to be a bit more family oriented - though I am aware this is not the norm for her.