September 2010

[Honeylioness]

08 September 2010


It has been a busy first week with both Ines and Siying settling into their new home and routine for the year. One of the things I have discovered about both girls is they consider themselves primarily introverts. This could prove problematic in a way as it means they will each crave alone time ... but we have talked about it and I think as long as they both know there are other rooms they can retreat to and not have to spend all their time together we should be able to work it out.

Siying and I picked Ines up on August 31 from Logan airport and had not surprises with the flights or luggage. The next morning I took both girls to school to get their registration either finalized or initiated. . Ines was so wiped out I told the school we would come back the next day to finish the process as I could see she really needed to sleep.

That evening I took them to a minor league baseball game as the Lowell Spinners, which are an affiliate team of the Boston Red Sox, have their home field just a couple of blocks from my townhouse. They seemed to enjoy the game - but not so much the public welcome they received when the park announcer told everyone there that they were newly arrived and at their first game. Ah well, I told them a mother is there to embarass them!

Thursday evening I had to attend a company function and did not get home as early as I wanted. Then Friday saw me in the hospital for tests as my left foot and calf had suddenly swelled up for no apparant reason. THAT was fun ... and our YFU rep was due that evening for dinner ... but in the end I made it home in time to get things organized.

Saturday we went shopping for a laptop for Siying and food for all of us. The Costco/warehouse experience was a bit overwhelming for them as was the final total for me! But we ended the day by attending a classic rock concert in an outdoor park down the street from our house.

Sunday morning my best friend Ruth picked us up at 9:00 am and we all drove through New Hampshire and into Vermont for the day. We take this trip once a year to visit a specialized cook store and a traditional New England Country Store. Not only did the girls get the chance to see some wonderful country, but also some very traditional New England places.

When I spoke to them Sunday night about what they wanted to do on Monday, a national holiday, they exchanged a look that let me know they had already come up with a plan and were not sure who should tell me. Seems they had the same gut need that I did - a quiet day at home.

Fine with me. We did make a trip to get them school supplies. And they girls both helped with some basic house chores - but overall we had a very quiet day to relax and get ready for this, their first full week of school.

Of course on Tuesday morning I made them pose outside the front door to take their "official" back to school picture.

[Honeylioness]

08 September 2010[/u]


Ines in some ways seems more comfortable in the new situation she finds herself in. Perhaps because American and European culture are more closely related than Western and Eastern cultures. She also is open about her sense of humor and media curiosity.

I have seen a couple of minor power clashes between the girls - but that is to be expected when you suddenly have a "sister". I won't step in unless it gets really intense - I believe they will do better in the end finding a way to resolve things for themselves. A part of maturing is learning how to deal with people and their differences to you.

One of my goals in the next few weeks is to get her and Siying established in some after school activities and a set schedule - that way I can look at regular one-on-one time with each girl alone.

Unlike some of my other students in the past I am not currently seeing a wide or eager spending tendency in Ines. I get the feeling she has a practical and conservative approach to money that should serve her well this year. I just will need to be on the look out if it appears she is needlessly denying herself small pleasures because of an over developed sense of frugality.


We have taken to calling a person's backside their "Thomas" after Ines made a joke last week when I asked her to move her behind and she grinned and said "No, that is my Thomas". A reference to the fact I told the girls I had named my truck Henry.

I will be replacing my truck in the next couple of weeks and on Sunday as Ines was riding in the back jumpseat she commented she could not wait for the new car as her "thomas" was much to big for the tiny seats in back.

[Honeylioness]

14 September 2010


This past weekend we made Toll House Cookies which are always popular. Both the finished cookie and the dough. We also went grocery shopping, sent in the registration for the Niagara Falls trip, to church, the New England Quilt Museum where I went to a lecture and the girls got to see the exhibit and browse the shop, went looking and test driving new vehicles (Ines looked - I drove!), and had the best bagels at Panera Bread. I also got to say "hello" to her parents via her web cam. Nice to be able to put faces to names - for both sets of parents.

I was not sure what Ines would think about my current church. My assumption is that the majority of Finns are Lutheran and while I did attend a Lutheran church for a while the church we went to on Sunday, St. Anne's, is Episcopalian.

www.stanneslowell.org/

However she seemed comfortable with the service and I had told her and Siying that this church offers Eucharist, or Communion, every Sunday. However they did not have to partake if they did not want to. Ines and I have not yet had a chance to discuss faith or religion so I am unsure about her feelings on the subject. However she did choose to take Eucharist as did Siying.

However Saturday evening after dinner we did have a situation that needed to be addressed. Over the last several days I have become aware of some tension between Ines and Siying. Now this is not unexpected as both are dealing with a lot of adjustments - new country, new school, new "mom", new food etc. When I am cooking dinner each wants to help and watch what I am doing. However it can get crowded with three people. Ines is the one most likely to remove herself to the kitchen table to just observe. Saturday afternoon however things sort of came to a head.

I had asked Ines to perform a specific task as part of putting away the groceries - transferring cereal from the store box to the plastic storage containers. Siying moved as if to take the item from Ines and said she would do it for her - which is when Ines snapped at her, and again later when Siying asked her what she wanted to drink with dinner.

Time for Mom to step in.

After dinner I told the girls we needed to talk and asked them first if something in particular had happened between them. Did someone do or say something - or break an item belonging to the other person? Both said no. That is when I told them that the tension in the room could be cut with a knife and we were going to deal with it now as I had no intention of living with this sort of attitude for much longer.

While I think this came to head because of a specific comment both girls have ownership. So I set out examples where each had stepped on the other's toes or been less than respectful of the other girl's feelings. So - new rules. They will alternate nights setting the table - she who sets gets the drinks and no sniping at the requestor - this way there are clear boundaries and expectations. Secondly, if I have asked one of them to do a specific task the other girl will let her do it - UNLESS the first girl ASKS for help. There is plenty of work to be shared and everyone will get their chance - trust me.

Third, if something happens that upsets you and you need to talk to me about it - then come and say you need a few private minutes with me. I should be the one you vent to and let me try and find a working solution if you have not been able to address the matter on your own. But I don't want to hear either girl snapping at the other on a regular basis.

Ines thanked me for bringing this out into the open and both girls promised to be more aware of the other's need for space and respect.

As a side bonus I have found both girls are rather good at massage and I got treated two nights in a row to an example of their work - first one then the other!

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Ines seems more comfortable in seeking me out to spend time with and we often will sit on the couch and watch a little television before she goes to bed. Though I must say she is not a fan of CSI: Miami because the main character, a man with red hair, she says talks "creepy" and she likes to tease me about my being a fan of his.

[Honeylioness]

15 September 2010


I had to laugh - last night while we were clearing up the kitchen Ines told me her father has said to her before she left Finland that he was hoping she would get a "Hippy Mother" as her host mom. When I looked puzzled and asked just what that meant - she hastened to tell me that it was a good thing.

What he meant was someone who would cook real meals and perhaps make foods from scratch.

I relayed this comment to my mother who also laughed and said "Well, their wish came true". When I protested and pointed out that since I shave my legs, wear make up and nylons I didn't exactly qualify for "hippy" status my mother retorted with "Come on, how many people do you know who make their own laundry soap?"

Okay - good point