Post by Honeylioness on Feb 1, 2010 16:28:57 GMT -5
01 February 2010
For some reason this phrase/question keeps popping into my mind the last several weeks. It's not even about any one thing either, just a general feeling that life has become just a long sequence of meaningless tasks and "ought tos".
Work, paperwork, housework, budgets, bills, crafts, cooking, shopping, a social life, volunteering or community work. What exactly is the point? Even this miniscule space on the Internet. Why do I even have it. Does anyone besides myself care? Is there any point aside from a compulsive life long need to try and feel I am controlling something in my life?
I think Anne's parents do check her section occasionally to see what we are up to - but aside from that?
I just feel as though I expend time and energy doing what I am supposed to do - and not what I want to do. The problem is - I am not even sure what that is any more.
I can remember a time when life seemed more .... fun. Or at least enjoyable. Filled with ideas and possibilities.
If anyone had told me when I was 20 what my life would look like today I would not have believed them. I had such different plans for what it would look like at this age. Would knowing have led me to make different choices? Would I have ever agreed to that first date with Bob? Would I have done or said some key thing to Clyde that would have made him make a decision more in line with both of our stated goals?
It is so easy to look back and say I should have done this or not said that .... While it can be helpful to consider how we have handled particular challenges in our lives - dwelling on them does not really serve very many positive means.
And yet as humans we all do it to one degree or another. But sometimes some of us do it more than others, or we tend to obsess over the "What ifs" in our past.
And then there is my feeling so out of step with the "modern" world. It's not about technology or wanting to live without indoor plumbing or heat - although I know I could if I had to. It's more about seeing articles about what people think is important and just feeling lost after I do so.
Like this article I saw this week.
www.nytimes.com/2001/05/15/style/15iht-kaori_ed2_.html
First let me say that I am in turn both amused and a bit perplexed by the recent trend toward "simplicity" and then the associated marketing that goes with selling people "things" to help them feel they are living a more simple and frugal life. I guess what really struck me about this article is the pretension and status chasing that some people just seem to have the need to attach to any new trend or fad.
Wake up people!! You don't need to spend large amounts of money to live more simply - honestly, have people's brains become so stupified by television and video games that common sense has been eliminated from their brains?
You want to live more simply? Get rid of the shit gathering dust in your house. Purge your closets and cupboards and garage of things you no longer like, never liked, never use, are broken or makes you ask "what is this and where did it come from?". Pile it in your driveway with a "FREE" sign on it, post it on Freecycle or take it to the dump. Then unplug the electronic mind suckers and ask yourself - do you really need a $50 designer name fabric bag to take to the grocery store or can you buy a used canvas tote at the thrift store for under $5 - or grab some at the grocery store for under $7 each.
*sigh*
Once again I seem to have derailed my original train of thought. That happens to me a lot I realize. I start thinking or writing about one thing and before I know it some odd stream of consciousness takes over and I end up somewhere completely different from where I had intended.
Just like my life - which is what really prompted this initial ranting.
I suppose it should make me feel better that I know some other women who are in this sort of reflective, what the h3ll am I doing with my life mode. But not really.
I just want to answer my original question, and I am afraid that when I do the answer is going to be "No". Then what do I do?
For some reason this phrase/question keeps popping into my mind the last several weeks. It's not even about any one thing either, just a general feeling that life has become just a long sequence of meaningless tasks and "ought tos".
Work, paperwork, housework, budgets, bills, crafts, cooking, shopping, a social life, volunteering or community work. What exactly is the point? Even this miniscule space on the Internet. Why do I even have it. Does anyone besides myself care? Is there any point aside from a compulsive life long need to try and feel I am controlling something in my life?
I think Anne's parents do check her section occasionally to see what we are up to - but aside from that?
I just feel as though I expend time and energy doing what I am supposed to do - and not what I want to do. The problem is - I am not even sure what that is any more.
I can remember a time when life seemed more .... fun. Or at least enjoyable. Filled with ideas and possibilities.
If anyone had told me when I was 20 what my life would look like today I would not have believed them. I had such different plans for what it would look like at this age. Would knowing have led me to make different choices? Would I have ever agreed to that first date with Bob? Would I have done or said some key thing to Clyde that would have made him make a decision more in line with both of our stated goals?
It is so easy to look back and say I should have done this or not said that .... While it can be helpful to consider how we have handled particular challenges in our lives - dwelling on them does not really serve very many positive means.
And yet as humans we all do it to one degree or another. But sometimes some of us do it more than others, or we tend to obsess over the "What ifs" in our past.
And then there is my feeling so out of step with the "modern" world. It's not about technology or wanting to live without indoor plumbing or heat - although I know I could if I had to. It's more about seeing articles about what people think is important and just feeling lost after I do so.
Like this article I saw this week.
www.nytimes.com/2001/05/15/style/15iht-kaori_ed2_.html
First let me say that I am in turn both amused and a bit perplexed by the recent trend toward "simplicity" and then the associated marketing that goes with selling people "things" to help them feel they are living a more simple and frugal life. I guess what really struck me about this article is the pretension and status chasing that some people just seem to have the need to attach to any new trend or fad.
Wake up people!! You don't need to spend large amounts of money to live more simply - honestly, have people's brains become so stupified by television and video games that common sense has been eliminated from their brains?
You want to live more simply? Get rid of the shit gathering dust in your house. Purge your closets and cupboards and garage of things you no longer like, never liked, never use, are broken or makes you ask "what is this and where did it come from?". Pile it in your driveway with a "FREE" sign on it, post it on Freecycle or take it to the dump. Then unplug the electronic mind suckers and ask yourself - do you really need a $50 designer name fabric bag to take to the grocery store or can you buy a used canvas tote at the thrift store for under $5 - or grab some at the grocery store for under $7 each.
*sigh*
Once again I seem to have derailed my original train of thought. That happens to me a lot I realize. I start thinking or writing about one thing and before I know it some odd stream of consciousness takes over and I end up somewhere completely different from where I had intended.
Just like my life - which is what really prompted this initial ranting.
I suppose it should make me feel better that I know some other women who are in this sort of reflective, what the h3ll am I doing with my life mode. But not really.
I just want to answer my original question, and I am afraid that when I do the answer is going to be "No". Then what do I do?