Laid off from my job - And New Job Search

[Honeylioness]

27 June 2012


I started writing this about a day ago .. but was so upset, angry, crying etc I had to wait a bit until I no longer felt as though I was completely out of control.

It's just a combination of many things coming to a head all at once.

The job search, money, a fight with my mother over the phone, the weather, one of my cats, two quilt contest rejections, feelings of isolation, issues with people I had "thought" were my friends, anger, sadness .. etc etc etc etc etc.

I guess you can tell I am not having a good day today. Part of me is just ready to completely give up on several fronts - including managing my money. I had May bills that did not get paid until WELL into June. I feel as though in the last two weeks I have just tossed aside most of my good sense about not spending on non-essentials during my time of unemployment. I have spent more money on "extras" in the last month then in the four months previously - I knew when I was doing it that these items were not essential as in food or gas .. but I just didn't care in some ways. Almost like a rebellious three year old.

I am extremely unmotivated to continue searching for a job as it seems none of my efforts are doing any good in any way - so why should I even bother?

I am tired of hearing from people how talented I am, how I should be a writer or perhaps I could make money as a blogger .. yeah right. I do not see just what I would know that others have not already written about ad nauseum. What would I actually have to write about? How to be a fat hermit with few friends or partner? How to screw up your relationships with me because you are a single pregnant dog no one can stand, or want to be around for any length of time?

I have also come to realize once again that I have a hard time making friends. It is though it is a skill I never learned ... and the friends I do have, or had, seem to be more fair weather than I had realized. I rarely if ever hear from them. Not only do they rarely reply to my overtures - but they seem to never reach out first to contact me. And those whom I had thought to be friendly with through my previous job - well my last several overtures to even meet for coffee have gone completely unanswered.

Even last week at my Thursday Sit-N-pregnant dog session which I have started attending regularly did not go well as a woman who I know slightly from my prior Guild was there - and more than once she told me in the most passive aggressive manner possible - to shut up. Her attitude was that of someone suddenly faced with a smelly stupid distant relative that she had to tolerate in her august presence.

I am just feeling alone, lonely, useless and not sure any thing is worth the effort anymore. Why shouldn't I just throw up my hands and say why bother .. and just become another person like those across the street from me who seem quite content to live off the taxes of other people. Since it seems that no matter what I do or who I try to contact I am not needed to wanted in the job market anymore. I can really understand how quickly people give up in this sort of economy.

What also is not helping are the so called "friends" I have on FaceBook who seem to spend all of their time posting items which I feel are meant to cram their social and political agenda down my throat. And God Forbid I express another viewpoint or say I disagree with them .. because then I am the one labeled as small minded or prejudiced. I am not sure I even care about that anymore either. I am about ready to just blatantly post on my FB page that I do NOT support Obama, cannot WAIT to see his ass kicked out of MY White House and I do NOT believe homosexuals should be granted special rights as some sort of special sub set of society. WHY must the rest of the country have to pay for or even tolerate what many of us consider non-normal behavior?

Where is MY special benefits for being a single, childless, Christian, White, Republican woman? I am feeling like a minority in my own country lately. And why am I made to feel that MY opinions socially and politically are not allowed to be openly posted - but if I wanted to post a pro-stance on eating puppies and kicking children than somehow THAT would be considered "okay" and protected speech?

As you can tell - I am not in a good place right now.

[3catslady]

Other than the fact that I am a Democrat and I have a part time job, how did you get inside my head and print my feelings down to the last "t"? I am ready to quit my job and get on welfare because they seem to be having a better time in life than me. I wish we lived closer because we would be going out for coffee and to eat a couple times a week. I too am tired of saving money to pay bills and not getting things that I want instead of things that I need. Sometimes I wish I had never found the NS sight because I thought I was happier back then than I am now. The only difference in me now is that I am more responsible now than I was then. You are someone I would like to call friend and confidant, someone I would be there when you need me or just drop in when I want someone to talk to, someone who knows that she could drop in anytime she needs to day or night.

[Nuttinhoney7]

Hi Honey,
Though I don't agree with you on the political front, I can completely relate on the job hunting frustration. It took me 6 months to find a temp job that will only last me thru the end of the year and then I will be back at it all over again. If I think about it too much I get depressed.

Not sure if this will help you or not but I found this article helpful.
Don't give up!

www.familycorner.net/jobloss/jobloss-survival.htm

[Honeylioness]

Some articles about handling situations at the workplace that I found interesting enough to hang on to

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Four Personality Types: Which One Are You?

Assay: Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about how different people respond to rules–and I use “rules” broadly (see below for examples) to mean any kind of instruction to do or not do something.

I love to identify categories. Abstainers/moderators. Leopards/alchemists. Radiators/drains. And I now I can’t stop thinking about these four categories.

To see if you spot yourself in these categories, ask yourself:

How do I respond to an outer rule? A law, a traffic sign, a “request” from a spouse; a work deadline, an admonition from your doctor, an appointment with a trainer, social protocol?

How do I respond to an inner rule? A New Year’s resolution; a decision to exercise more; putting in work on a self-generated project (writing a novel, planting a garden).

With that in mind, consider whether any of these types rings a bell:

Upholder—accepts rules, whether from outside or inside. An upholder meets deadlines, follows doctor’s order, keeps a New Year’s resolution. I am an Upholder, 100%.

Questioner—questions rules and accepts them only if they make sense. They may choose to follow rules, or not, according to their judgment.

Rebel—flouts rules, from outside or inside. They resist control. Give a rebel a rule, and the rebel will want to do the very opposite thing.

Obliger—accepts outside rules, but doesn’t like to adopt self-imposed rules.

Some examples:

An upholder stops at a stop sign at 3:00 a.m. in a small deserted town; so does an obliger. A questioner decides whether it’s safe to stop. A rebel rolls through the stop sign at 3:00 p.m. in traffic.

An upholder can train with a trainer or exercise on her own; a questioner can do either if he thinks it makes sense; a rebel will do neither, because the fact that she has an appointment or an item on her to-do list makes her want to disobey; an obliger can meet a trainer, but can’t get to the gym on his own.

Of course, this is about your tendency. There’s a continuum, and no one accepts or resists all rules, and some people don’t fit easily into one of the four types–but I’ve been amazed at how often people immediately place themselves firmly into one camp. Do you recognize yourself? How does this evince itself?

Each type has its pros and cons.

I’ve just started thinking about this so welcome any thoughts, experiences, additions. I’m going to write more about it soon.

www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/2013/01/four-personality-types-which-one-are-you/
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6 Tips for Handling Criticism

As an Upholder, I have a tough time being criticized, corrected, or accused – of even the smallest mistakes – and I react very angrily.

Yikes, how I struggle to keep my sense of humor and light-heartedness! Here are some of the strategies that I try to use to accept criticism.

1. Listen to what a critic is saying. Really listen, try to understand that point of view, don’t just nod while I formulate my retorts. Accept just criticism.

2. Don’t be defensive. This is the toughest step for me. With my writing, for example, I always have to take a deep breath before reading an edit letter or meeting with an editor, to remind myself, “I welcome criticism. This person is helping me. I’m eager to hear how to improve my book/article/post.” Along the same lines…

3. Don’t expose myself to criticism from people I don’t respect. I pay a lot of attention to criticism from people I respect, but I try to shield myself from criticism from people I don’t know or don’t respect, because I fear that I’ll react to it, even though it may be unfounded. So when I get trustworthy criticism about my writing, I act on it, but I try to avoid reading drive-by snarkiness. The means that bad affects us more strongly than good, and I fear that I’ll change my writing in response to some person’s thoughtless comment, in ways that won’t make my work stronger. I need to stay creative, open-hearted, adventuresome, and honest, and if I feel defensive and apologetic, I won’t maintain those elements.

4. Delay my reaction. Count to ten, take a deep breath, sleep on it, wait until the next day to send that email…any kind of delay is good. A friend told me her rule: when she’s upset about something that happened at her children’s school, she won’t let herself do anything about it for three days – and usually she decides that no action is better than action.

5. Admit my mistakes. My father gave me an outstanding piece of advice when I got my first real job. He said, “If you take the blame when you deserve it, you’ll get the responsibility.” I’ve found that to be very true. Difficult, but true. In my experience, until someone in a group (or in a family) accepts blame, everyone stays very anxious and focused on fingering the person at fault. Once I raise my hand (if appropriate), then everyone else can relax. And then we can all focus on what needs to be done.

6. Enjoy the fun of failure. Fact is, trying new things and aiming high exposes me to criticism. I remind myself to Enjoy the fun of failure to try to re-frame failure and criticism as part of the fun. Otherwise, my dread of criticism can paralyze me. Once, when I told my husband that I was upset because I’d received a mean comment here on the blog, he said, “Remember, this is what you want. You want to put your ideas out there. Not everyone is going to be nice.” That made me feel better.

The discussion of criticism reminds me of a passage from Stephen Spender’s autobiography, World Within World:

To overhear conversations behind his back is more disconcerting than useful to the writer; though he can perhaps search for criticism which may really help him to remedy faults in style. But he should remember that the tendency of reviewers is to criticize work not for what it is but for what it fails to be, and it is not necessarily true that he should remedy this by trying to become other than he is. Thus, in my own experience, I have wasted time by paying heed to criticism that I had no skill in employing rhyme. This led me to try rhyme, whereas I should have seen that the moral for me was to avoid it.

This passage is a good reminder that criticism should help us do better what we want to do, and to be more wholly ourselves, and criticism that doesn’t serve those goals isn’t helpful.

What am I overlooking? Have you found any other strategies that work for you?


www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20130117160355-6526187-6-tips-for-handling-criticism?trk=mp-details-rr-rmpost